Round 2, Part 2 (Electric Boogaloo)

[Tryin2figuritout]

So didn't respond and my W was scrambling to find me this morning. I had a dentist appt and had worked from the apt, so just didn't reply.

She said she was just worried and once she starts to worry she needs to know I'm ok. I said "why?". It's all about control. She gets nervous when she's not in control and she's always wanted me to be in control only if I do it how she likes it. Now, I'm up to the challenge, but my way, and she's out.

She called me on setting up summer camp for our S10 and what weeks work. I had told her I was planning a trip late in July but didn't finalize until last week. Mentioned we'd be going to see my Uncle north of Atlanta and she gets snappy saying you never told me that. I was like I just finalized last week so there you go we're heading to see my Uncle.

She says you don't need to get snappy (and I was not). I said that wasn't snappy but just finalized dates last week.

30 minutes later, I get the text "we need to get an attorney. sorry to text this but a convo is too hard." Again, her control, her terms, so she can have it all tied up and move on with her life and her peace. I ask again, what about my D13's peace? What about my S10's peace?

Sorry for the ramblings, but I know all the LBS's understand.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Called out the W about texting the need to get an attorney and how she needs to be able to act like a grown up to deal with her choice and decision. She apologized.

Still just so infuriating. Breathing in the good and out the bad.

[Thornton]

It's a crazy journey isn't it?

I wish I had some advice to share but all I can come up with is to continue to detach.

She's on her path and you are on yours. If she's anything like my W, she will spew some crazy things out at you that defy logic.

Don't believe a word she says right now, she's clearly conflicted.

[Tryin2figuritout]

No doubt it's a crazy journey, Thornton.

Had a long chat with my SIL and it's more of the same. My W is not reaching out to her sister, her mom, her dad because they're all questioning her decisions. She doesn't want to listen to any of that.

My SIL told me during our school/church fair this weekend that my W was doing the classic guilt transference to everyone but herself. Said that our school people / friends are just different than what it used to be, she doesn't belong, etc. Classic guilt running through.

SIL said any mention of the kids to my W and my W just blows up Hiroshima style and says definitively that the kids will be fine. Similar to my blurb earlier about "brings her peace", she's got a one-track self-centered mind right now and that's all that's allowed.

I woke up fine after hearing all this because I know my path is good and my path is true. I'm happy where I'm at and where I'm going. Looking forward to what lies ahead.

Hope everyone has a great day.

[Bdog37]

Mine is all about the control as well. Everything has to be done her way and on her timetable. Makes it very difficult to deal with a person like that.

After I set boundaries she got more resentful because I wasn't allowing her control over me anymore. She acted like it was me just being difficult and giving her attitude.

I woke up fine after hearing all this because I know my path is good and my path is true. I'm happy where I'm at and where I'm going. Looking forward to what lies ahead.

^^^ Nice, good job on staying positive.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Thanks Bdog. I'm sure I'm going to run into that with her saying it's attitude/difficulty. Long winding road.

On being positive, it's weird because generally I'm more of a glass half empty guy, but this stuff starts up and I'm glass half full regardless of outcome. Don't get me wrong there are some ups and downs and really far downs, but generally it's all good.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Caught up with my MIL and she's just so sad for me and the kids and thinks her daughter is nuts. She said "this is gonna catch up to her at some point". Doesn't change anything, but appreciate the love and support.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I get to work on Habitat for Humanity this weekend and looking forward to it. Of course Mother's Day is a little different this year. I did a lot of work with my D13 on her scrapbook for my W. Got something with my S10 for her as well. I haven't been the best at that in the past and this is the year of all years to do good. Interesting piece is I only did it because the kids wanted to do it. It felt good to see them excited.

Hope all the Mothers on this board have a wonderful Mother's Day.

[Tryin2figuritout]

My W is definitely in her own world and she sounds like she's all over the board. Still 110% set on D as we have a meeting with the attorney next week.

Monday, I got a call from her while she was at the doctor because her insurance card was not working. She asked me if I had dropped her already from coverage. I was like "are you nuts?". It was just a mix up at the doctors.

I'm pulling together financial information in prep of our meeting next week and I plan to share that along with some questions on how we'll handle schedule with the kids, finances, etc. Want to give her that this weekend so she has some time before our meeting Thursday.

It will be interesting to see how this all goes. We do well enough together financially, but y'all know when you split it up it's a lot harder to pay those bills especially with a D13 and S10.

Interesting times ahead.

Good news is I'm still really happy with where I'm going with myself and my kids. Hope everyone has a good day.

[Tryin2figuritout]

So I was chatting with my SIL last night who was on her way with my FIL to dinner and she said, "don't tell your W". I chuckled because we're not really talking these days, but anyway. I asked why and she said they just didn't want to invite her because she blows up at every little thing.

I'm not mind reading or all that as we know there's no mind reading with a WAS. It's just interesting knowing that my W is continuing to build her own time bomb with this. She normally handles her $hit really well and for her to do that means she just can't.

I'm almost finished on organizing our finances to send to her since we meet with the attorney on Thursday. Two big items that are going to come up: 1) schedule and 2) spousal support.

On schedule, we're currently doing a similar schedule to last time. Mon/Tues - W; Wed/Thur - Me; alternate Fri/Sat/Sun. This is easy right now since kids are staying in the house and she and I switching life at the apartment. I don't see this working long term, so I'm going to push week on/off. I don't think she'd like to be away from them for that long but it's easier for the kids.

Spousal Support is optional and 4 years ago I would have provided something to her. I'm not inclined to do so this time. She's got a better paying job than she did 4 years ago and it's much more stable, but it's more than that. This is about giving up and walking away.

I know piecing is hard work. I wrote earlier on my sitch that I was shocked to read posts I did 4 years ago on how confused I was in piecing. I love my wife and I know underneath the walk away fog she loves me. When she lets her guard down, I still get those soft eyes that I know it's still there, but the walk away fog is thick and tough to break.

I see a bumpy road ahead if we try to R, but isn't it all worth the work, pain, stress, etc. to see if it would work. My D has one more year in grade school, so only 5 more years before college. I don't want her half time during these years. I will not get that missed time back.

My W is just walking away from me and our family and she wants her freedom. I will pay for that with my lost time with my kids and not having the family together. I do not see where I need to pay spousal support on top of that. Her choice, her decision, her consequences. She has to lay in the bed she makes.

It will be interested too once we meet with the lawyer because if we are pushing forward I plan on starting the split finances to minimize cake eating. Reality has to hit on what all this means. Not being selfish here, but just protecting my interests.

Enough of the bad stuff... my S10 asked me the other day about our vacation later this summer and I told him we'd be visiting my Uncle who he loves (and D13 loves too). He's so excited especially when I told him my Uncle now lives on a golf course and has a golf cart. I think we could go there and he'd be happy driving the cart for 5 days straight and not get bored.

Really looking forward to that trip as we're looking into some white water rafting (first time for all 3 of us unless you count those big tube rides at Disney or Six Flags where you get soaked) and horse back riding.

Hope everyone has a great weekend doing some GAL activities.

All the best.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Learned more of my W's strained relationship with her family right now. It's really bad and my W is leaving for the beach with them next weekend. She's going with them until mid-week and we're swapping out (we planned this vacation before our separation). Her family is a big fan and supporter of me hence the strain on my W and them.

My W chewed out her mom for not supporting her like she did when her mom divorced her step-dad. Her mom went quickly into a new marriage and she said some bad things about her mom's new husband. We all love her mom's new husband and he's made her happier than I've seen her in the near 20 years I've known her. It really hurt my MIL (info from SIL).

My W told my MIL that my SIL gives her the most stress in her life (learned from SIL). I told my SIL that it's all guilt transfer. My SIL has been asking my W about how finances are going to look, thinking about big picture of this and just general support, but my W just sees it as not supporting her decision.

I really think she's holding onto her decision for dear life and I hate that for her. It's got to be a terrifying and lonely place/existence. Her shoes to walk in, so not my business.

Had a great time with the kids yesterday. Heading over to my mom's with the kidos for pancakes this morning. My W had the kids last weekend for Mother's Day, so sort of a delayed visit for that. My kids (and I) love my mom's pancakes. Should be fun.