Oh - and get this - when the side chick went to junk his car (which was in HER name and has a cracked engine block) - she was cleaning out the car and found the glove box was full of condoms lolol. Who keeps condoms in their glove box????
ugh
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
get tested, thank your lucky stars you found out before any legal entanglement, and move your tent to a new village far away as soon as you safely can, leaving no forwarding address!!!
I'm very sorry for the nuclear meltdown but happy you are doing well in the midst of it. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
and remember, not your monkey, not your circus!
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
To my great relief, I never once had unprotected sex with him! Also he was pretty thoroughly tested (HIV etc) a year ago before being treated for hepatitis C. Thank goodness.
Yesterday Mr. TDH - now known as Sociopathic Ex Boyfriend or Mr. SEB - finally seemed to notice my distinct lack of enthusiasm in answering his text messages and offered to "give me some space" - an offer I promptly took him up on.
It has been blessedly quiet today without the constant lovey messages about how well he's doing and the great insights he's gaining and how much he misses me. (Not that I don't wish him luck in his recovery - I do - it's just that I know as long as he's lying about major portions of his life, his recovery cannot be truly deep and lasting. I feel like much of what he is telling me is for show.) It takes all my strength to bite his tongue and not ask him how much he is missing the new chick he started dating right before his meltdown.
He did, of course, then quickly petition me to send him his replacement phone which just arrived at my house. On the one hand, I'm reluctant to send it yet (he lost TWO phones during his month long binge, and he's only been sober 9 days). On the other hand, I figure the sooner he gets that phone, the sooner he can move on to new female targets that will take his focus off of me. So I will probably send it to him later this week.
Ugh. Long text exchange with SEB last night. He had the gaslights turned up full force! But he doesn't know that I know everything.
Tried to convince me he never actually slept with another woman while we were together. But I know for a fact that he was sleeping with his side chick for at least two years. And according to her, even once she cut him off from that, he would come over and engage in "foreplay" (I don't even want to know the details).
And his phone records show him texting and calling her as much or more than me over the last year.
I'm still protecting the side chick because she is scared of him, so I don't let him know that I know about his relationship with her. I did mention his most recent dates with a new woman he started up with right before his relapse. I discovered her by his phone records and called her.
Hoping he will back off and transfer his interest to another woman now that he realizes I've got his number.
Ugh. He just texted me again, all apologetic. I just want him to get well and GO AWAY.
I'd consider saying that you are aware of his disease AND his deceit
and you don't have room in your life for either. Then block his phone.
I'm serious. It's HIS rehab, not yours.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
What little is left of his stuff is stored in my garage. There is no one I can transfer it to right now and I don't want to spend money on storage.
I'm approaching everything from the aspect of what's safest. The safest thing is for him to get well grounded back into his sobriety, and staying where he is now is the best place to accomplish that. The safest thing is also for him not to have a grudge towards me over getting rid of his stuff. I'm making all my choices very carefully with safety in mind.
I only told him what I knew about the latest chick in hopes that he will start to look for another woman to focus on now that he knows I know some of his secrets. I'll be sending him his new phone soon in order to facilitate that behavior.
Don't worry, I'm not the least bit susceptible to being drawn back in, but I think cutting him off cold would be dangerous for me and likely send him back out into the streets. What I DON'T want is for him to be back out on the streets, high and focused on ME as the agent of his destruction. Making careful chess moves.
without the constant lovey messages about how well he's doing and the great insights he's gaining and how much he misses me. (Not that I don't wish him luck in his recovery - I do - it's just that I know as long as he's lying about major portions of his life, his recovery cannot be truly deep and lasting. I feel like much of what he is telling me is for show.) It takes all my strength to bite his tongue and not ask him how much he is missing the new chick he started dating right before his meltdown.