So basically DBing for my daughter. It's not about W, it's about D being the best D she can be?
I'm going to have to accept that it's not my responsibility to foster their relationship at some point, but the idea that my child has to deal with this is a bitter pill.
W didn't say a damn thing. I told D that mommy wasn't feeling well, which was the excuse.
Dont make excuses for W. Tell your daughter to talk to her mom about it. Frankly, it isnt your business.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
I bought them both season passes so they could spend time like that, even make sure they didn't have to pay for parking.
And I would sop doing things like this too. It's up to W to foster her relationship with D. It isnt your job. You should focus more on your relationship with D and make that time as awesome as you can.
Let go of your judgment of W and how she is handling things.
I'm going to have to accept that it's not my responsibility to foster their relationship at some point, but the idea that my child has to deal with this is a bitter pill.
I felt that my ex was like yours for a long time. I felt like my kids were lacking in attention and care because my ex seemed so focused on the R with the AP and on the D. Over time, it's leveled out a bunch; though I feel like their relationship could still be better, Ive accepted that it isnt my job to police that. And frankly, I imagine any efforts I had to do that would have resulted in the opposite effect.
Im sorry your D is going through this. No child should have to suffer like this. All you can do is make the best of a bad situation.
Please accept the fact that you cannot influence your W. For atleast a while you will have to make dual plans, one that your W will do something, and one at the same time that W will no do something. In another word, don't count on her, make contingency plans.
Again, YOU CANNOT INFLUENCE YOUR W OR HER BEHAVIOR. So stop! I know it's pissing you off. We've all been there. Kaizen knows what I am talking about and you also know I'm right.
I've accepted that I can't influence with regard to me. The idea that i can't influence her in regard to D is such an alien concept that I still haven't managed to accept it. Knowing and accepting are two different things.
On the plus side, contingency planning is something I'm very good at.
Us LBS dads are really big on contingencies. And contingency planing removes the element of surprise for dads so it dramatically reduces the chances of us being pissed off at the dingbat our wives have became...
I totally get where you are coming from EastTN, but Vapo and Kaizen are correct. Stop focusing on how much she is letting your D down and start focusing on what you can actually control.
My STBEW is the same and only focuses on her new R with the OM. My role in this isn't to judge, even though I'm just sad for my little girls, but its to be a rock for them as D is just as hard on kids as it is on us. Focus on more things you can do with your D and be there for her when W lets her down physically and emotionally. Don't make excuses for your W, but don't answer any questions your D has in regards to this issue out of anger either. I know its hard to see your D go through this and that is why she needs you more than ever right now.
Also, I would still keep records of all this. The days she doesn't pick up D from school and what not. Like I said, grab a calendar and start writing these things down.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Because right now, she doesnt want you back either.
But what does that have to do with D? Again, nothing. The more pressure you put on W do something, the more she will resist. Let her do her own thing and you focus on you and D. Like I said...document so that you can be prepared to fight for D. But the day to day isnt your business.
Irrelevant. Because of the D you will need some kind of rapport with her. Liking her is optional. Keep the discussion at the D.
Suck it up buttercup, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
By now you probably have realized that your W is behaving pretty much as a teenager. And if you ever talked to a teenager, you know it's futile trying to persuade them .
