Not sure if you have been keeping up. That qas thw dirst R talk in months. But I have been following the rules since I started months ago. This talk was due and also I'm pretty sure W was with OM on her work trip to DC last month. I started detaching last week. The problem I'm facing is that W is constantly in my face. She only wants time and space when she is doing something that I wouldn't approve.
But I still make it a point to 180 and GAL. Just a few minutes ago, she was telling me about how her boss was talking about wanting to promote her at work. Especially since she did good job representing the company on the very trip I'm sure she met up with OM at. So I stood up in the middle of the talk and said I need to cut the yard before it gets dark.
Not sure if that wasn't the right thing to do. But I wasn't in the mood to hear about her making more money, while abandoning this family to chase after someone else's husband. Half tempted to call her HR department and tell them that she having an affair using company time and resources.
Also I forgot to mention that S13 asked W if she cheated on me last Thursday when I was out of town. Surprisingly she told him the truth, which caused him to go off on his mother. That was followed by a bunch of questions that W refused to answer. This only pissed him off more, which led him to storm off into his room. One would think that this would be a wake up call for her. Especially considering that he is demanding to know who the OM is. And I know S13 is expecting me to answer all or at least some of his questions. W wants me not to answer anything, but to calm him. This is clearly for her sake. But to be honest, I have no issue with telling S13 that his mother was having an affair with his Aunt's married cousin. Any opinions on this matter would be appreciated.
Also as far validating my W. I did that heavily, even to the point of sending W a text the next day about me hearing everything she said and admitting that she was right. And included a sincere apology as well. W said that she very much appreciated the apology.
But a serious question that I have for the group is following Sandi's 37 rules. Because even though you follow these rules, Sandi herself admits that you have to be firm with the WW or she will run over you. I've heard people mention that you should step up and not end up getting friend zoned. So what's the deal?
I think your son has a lot to process right now, I do not see any benefit in him finding out its with someone he knows.. That is a lot for a kid to handle.
Also, if he does approach you, I would not bash your WW, I would let him know that you and his mother were having marital issues, and his mother saw a way to escape the issues / hurt. That you and your W's marriage is not a reflection of him, and that for now you all just need to take time and process what is going on, and try and find the path that brings everyone the most happiness in the future.
This is his mother, I highly recommend not trying to get even with her by demonizing her to son.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Thanks for the advice. Talk with the IC today and she says that there should be no problem with me revealing the identity of OM. Especially if there is a chance of W trying to bring him around OM one day acting like them getting together was just some random thing. But I will seriously take your advice on not bashing him to his mother. Even though her actions clearly show that she doesn't give a crap about either of us over OM.
S13 only met this guy once as the A was starting and W was parading us around his family as if we were all going to be the best of friends. Unless I showed S13 a picture of this guy and his family on FB, he likely wouldn't remember who this guy was. Especially since he lives in another state.
S13 will know if his mother is trying to be slick and bring OM around. Like myself, S13 despises someone making him look like a fool. Plus W might need to know that there are consequences for her actions. I seriously was considering not telling S13. But after discovering that she more than likely met up with OM in D.C. last month. Which she has no clue that I am aware of. It might seriously be time for her to experience some consequences for her actions. Because clearly nothing else is sinking into that head of hers. Haven't made a decision yet, but I'm tired if covering for her.
I have a son who just turned 14. He cannot stand any discussion of my H period. Not good things, nothing. My 17 yo daughter on the other hand will frequently bring him up, his posts on FB, wonder what is going on his head, etc.
I wouldn't tell your son. If he finds out in the course of things, fine. But let him keep as much of his innocence for as long as he can. No matter how you feel about her. That is his mother. I'm sure if she brings a strange man around and is giddy and happy your 13 yo will figure out exactly what is going on.
I seriously was considering not telling S13. But after discovering that she more than likely met up with OM in D.C. last month. It might seriously be time for her to experience some consequences for her actions.
That right there is using your son as a weapon, that disgusts me.
Ps- your son getting upset with her isn't going to change her mind.
I refused to tell my son, even when he questioned why I knifed my WW tires (she was getting ready to go on a date, not DB but what I did), I told him only that I had my reasons but I wouldn't involve him in what's going on between us.
So he asked her, she told him because I was upset about a friend she had... Did he figure out, probably, but if he didn't I'm sure he looked down on my actions. But fact is I shouldn't of done it, I knew it, and I still didn't consider discussing with him to make me look better, it's his mom.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
S13 will know if his mother is trying to be slick and bring OM around. Like myself, S13 despises someone making him look like a fool.
Now let's think this through.. He's 13, he's going to spend time at moms if separation or D occurs.
Now, instead of doing things with mom and her new boyfriend, he will know it's mom and AP... He will be mad, angry, act out.. But guess what, courts don't take kids away from parents that had an A, so your son will still need to be there, miserably.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Good, I want him to be mad and dislike the man who threatened the life of his father. And if his mother chooses to lay up with a man who threatened me harm, then she will have to deal with the consequences. If a man threatened my father my brothers and I would have tracked that man down. We wouldn't have been cool with him or accepting. And that's a lesson in manhood that I want S13 to learn. Loyalty to family is a big deal in my family. Also the courts will allow to not have to be with W and OM of they he doesn't want to at his age.
