So yesterday I got to spend some time with W's D. I took her to get some frozen yogurt and then for a long walk at the park.
She told me she is sad and is going to miss me but excited too because they have a pool where she's going (she loves to swim).
I dont think she really understands what's happening because she was telling me she would show me some things at Disneyland the next time she sees me. I didnt have it in me to tell her that she would probably never see me again.
She told me her mom told her they were never coming back to Colorado. That really hurt to hear.
I then told her I had something important I wanted to tell her. I told her that no matter what happens between her mom and I, she wasn't to blame. And just because her mom and I arent a couple anymore doesn't change my feelings for D.
I told her I would always consider myself her dad. And that if she ever needed anything at all, I was a phone call or text away.
I dont know how I'm going to let her go, she's like my own child.
Not whole lot to report on my sitch other than the fact that W is annoyingly trying to act super happy around me. Seems like overcompensation to me. Oh well, none of my business I suppose.
Yesterday was kind of rough for me and I fell back into my old thinking patterns missing W.
Im slowly coming to grips with the fact I am idealizing the fantasy I have of W and our life together. In actuality, W isn't really like the image I have of her in my mind. She's not a bad person but she isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread either.
I'm doing my best to detach from her before she actually leaves for another state. I think watching her drive away in a U-Haul is going to hurt like hell. But there is nothing I can do about it except wish her the best.
My friends and parents keep warning me that she'll reach out one day with regrets. I try not to put too much emphasis on that but it does make me feel a little better for some reason. Probably because I have made W responsible for my sense of worthiness. And if she has regrets one day, maybe I wasn't such a dbag after all. I know I need to get rid of this mindset.
I have to admit, I'm anxious about my new life. I haven't been single in many, many, years and I'm not sure how I will do when I'm all by myself. I've been pinging friends asking to do things with them but they all have families and small children so it's hard for them to get out. I can see that I will need to find things to do by myself which honestly does not sound very appealling.
W is leaving her dog with me so I have a feeling it's gonna be me and the dog doing alot of things together. In the dog's defense, he's a great listener and never tries to fix my problems.
I hope you all have a good day and a good weekend.
My heart surely goes out to you and D. I hope you do maintain contact and she allows you to visit her in the future.
I know you explained your D is 17 and busy with life and stuff. But I imagine there is a little time for dad. How about really trying to build on that? What does she like to do? Take her out to dinner. Even if she keeps rejecting, never stop asking. One person you will always pursue is your child. Never stop that.
Even if she keeps rejecting, never stop asking. One person you will always pursue is your child. Never stop that.
^^^ totally agree with Ginger1. I know its hard dealing with the possible loss of SD, but hopefully W allows that R to continue. In the meantime, while trying to find GAL activities, reaching out to D may be a good thing for the both of you.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Find new interests, rekindle old ones, just get out. Even if it's basket weaving, it'll be worth it for one night just to say you tried it. Who knows, maybe you'll like it, and maybe the people you meet doing it will be worth knowing. I know you're not into what you're finding on meetup, but I've gotta tell you, the board game nights have REALLY lifted my spirits.
Don't watch the U-Haul. I know it's a metaphor, but don't do it for real. No matter where you are mentally and emotionally, it'll hurt, and it isn't worth it.
Glad you're keeping the dog. The only creatures that love unconditionally are dogs and small children. Everyone should have a dog. Smelly, ridiculous beasts, but they make up for it.
