Is it Midlife Crisis, Walkaway Spouse or the End?

[Sjs777]

No as bomb drop was 4 months prior, although my dads passing has set back my GAL efforts. Thats what I was referring to. Sorry about that, I rambled a bit

Before BD, to me things seems ok, frequent sex etc, yes there were some issues that arose, but nothing i recognized as major... although i see it now in hindsight that there was complacency on my part as I gave her the wrong love language. Similarly I didn't understand her needs fully at the time

[Sjs777]

one of my greatest struggles, is while our conversations are calm and respectful, distancing has had limited results, as though i should be bringing forward some things for discussion... future financial consequences, yet i don't want to set things back

[Gordie]

Have you read the DB books? There is no right path for all. Every situation is diffeeent. Why are you distancing? Why do you think it's not working? If it's not working, is it time to tryout a different tactic?

[Gordie]

You say you have her the wrong love language? What is her love language? What is yours? How are you connecting or not? What can you change?

[Sjs777]

I think you're right in that it may be time to try a different tactic, Im just unsure as to which? As for why I think its not working has more to do with her continued camp out in the bedroom while home during the week and departure on the weekends. Although, we haven't argued in months and we can have some laughs together. I began distancing as she shared not long after bomb drop that she felt i was too clingy in recent history - prior to BD. as well when i began distancing arguing ceased and i was able to refocus on myself.Ive been applying the same tactic for 5 months, perhaps variation may help.

I gave her acts of service while she needed words of affirmation and touch. well, at least i didn't give enough of them

You hit the nail on the head by asking how i am connecting with her as i think i unintentionally fell off connecting when she at one point months back said i should stop complimenting her as it made her feel awkward. I think i was too obvious and may have over complimented

[Sjs777]

Just found a 5 love languages quiz and found both my estranged wife and i both place quality time higher than i thought

[Sjs777]

curious as to your thoughts whether she is wayward, MLCer or WAS

[Sjs777]

just ended up having a long discussion with WAS. Primarily about finances, as we talked about bills and such. It was a respectful conversation. She did express she felt in limbo, but i didn't necessarily talk about specifics of how best she could go on without me, as thats seems odd and i wasn't sure how to respond. We did talk about finances once we move on and I think she may have realized just how much impact it may have, somewhat. She also shared that she she wants her freedom. I told her I respect that and she knows i don't pursue, beg, plead, bargain etc (without me saying so).She also shared that her mom knows about our situation and said she said i should have been nicer and more affectionate. Odd, because I've never been mean, but I listened and stated, i respected her saying so. She also shared a few snippets as to where i went wrong... not enough attention or PDA and, as well as occasional jealousy and not enough words of affirmation. She also seemed to recognize I always supported her and loved her, but just didn't say so enough. While not part of the conversation, I do realize that we definitely needed more time to enjoy our own activities

[Sjs777]

I've come to the realization, although deep down i knew, that if ever we were to reconcile, it won't be any time soon. She's lost in a fog and attached to the idea of freedom and most probably seeing someone. I still have fight in me, but need to, even more so, let go and GAL. Im at a complete loss, as how to proceed

[Gordie]

Wayward, MLC, was? Not sure it matters. Women in mid life crisis was eye opening to me. It was on the recommended reading list here. Here's what you've said: w is in her empty nest transition. She's lost 30 pounds and is looking good. She goes away with new friends every weekend. She says she wants d but is still living with you with some concerns about finances. She wishes you paid more attention to her and were more affectionate and generally nicer to her. She doesn't want your compliments.

How much time do you spend together now?

If she felt you didn't pay attention to her enough, your distancing may be more of the same.

Are you reserved? Quiet? Introverted? A nice guy? Do you feel you drifted apart over the years? Are you boring? Predictable? Out of shape? Low energy? A home body? Only you can answer those questions. Are there things you don't like about yourself irrespective of your w and situation? What do you want to improve to be the best you possible?

Other guy? Sorry, probably. Some guy probably started paying attention to her. Giving her compliments. Looking at her lustfully. And she said my h doesn't treat me this way. I'm not getting any younger. A man hasn't made me feel this way in a long time. I feel alive.