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A Message from Michele
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#2741498 - 05/01/17 01:21 PM What would be the right things to do now?
neha321 Offline
New Member

Registered: 05/01/17
Posts: 6
First of all, I am an Indian Muslim, so we come from a very different culture.

So I don't want your suggestions as to who was right and who was wrong. My husband just seems to have lost a lot of interest in me (perhaps after I quit my job). And no, I am not getting a job because I need a break, I can sustain myself without any help, and I am pursuing some hobbies I am really passionate about. We have been married for eight months and basically my husband has been calling me immature, irresponsible, undisciplined, not in touch with reality, spoiled, a person having bipolar disorder and mood swings, etc, etc. He once even said he is not sure if he would have gone along with the marriage had I quit the job two weeks before we got married. So yesterday we had a day out and something upset me at the amusement park. So on our way back in the car I told him that since he was constantly criticizing me, he should also realize how it feels. So I told him he was an emotional abuser, I told him he liked strong women only so he could dominate them and shatter their confidence afterward, I also told him that unlike his father who was a physical abuser, he was probably an emotional abuser and liked to see his woman suffer like his mother did (I also cited one of his ex's example once holding his feet asking for forgiveness and that I wouldn't allow my maid to do that to me), judgemental, intolerant, always blaming others, if he noticed that I no longer wear my ring and that I no longer take selfies with him, along with other hurtful stuff. Well well, he didn't do anything wrong right before I had that outburst, but I guess I was boiling inside for a long time now and eventually it just came out. Then I told him that he should really give it a thought if he actually loves me, and once I knew the truth I would be able to make up my mind about my expectations and demands from him and how we should continue with this marriage. To this he said that we should separate. I asked him if I should leave that very night and he said it was up to me. I told him I was too tired to pack so I would be leaving the next morning. I didn't say anything else and actually even slept peacefully for a while in the car. After we got back home, I slept in the next room. He did show up once at night and put a blanket on the bed but I pretended to be fast asleep. So I got up this morning, packed ALL of my stuff (papers, medical records, clothes and shoes that he didn't buy for me) and also returned him the iPhone that he had given me when he was pursuing me. I just requested him to send me over the snapshots I had taken the day before with the phone since I did not have the time to transfer them (damn it! I forgot my iPad and now I can't read my ebooks). He wanted to help me get my stuff in the cab, but I refused his help and just walked out the door. So now, here are my questions:

1. Did I do the right thing by returning his iPhone? He did ask me "you are leaving back your phone?"
2. Should I unfriend him on facebook? He still has our picture together as his profile picture, but this could be because if he changes it now the relatives may get suspicious.
3. Do I block him on Flickr? (not to offend him, but I keep checking if he has uploaded anything new and I want to stop doing that)

I am not particularly devastated, perhaps what has happened hasn't sunk in yet. I'll probably wake up tomorrow feeling really sick and depressed. Perhaps I feel that he'll come around. I am NOT going to chase him or call him or text him. There is an upcoming event where my mother was supposed to introduce him to the family members who weren't present at the ceremony, but I asked my mother to cancel it. Any other suggestions? Because I am quite old and I don't want a divorce. And yes, I do love him.

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#2741503 - 05/01/17 01:32 PM Re: What would be the right things to do now? [Re: neha321]
Cadet Offline

Member

Registered: 11/24/09
Posts: 11547
Loc: NY
Stick with your thread in newcomers you will get more responses there.
_________________________
Me-63, D31,S30

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