Nee, obviously your choice but I don't think I would do the breakfasts. He is lying about his involvement with this woman. Until that is over he is not sincere in his efforts with you. Try going silent with him and see what happens. I can tell you it has done wonders for me in terms of not having the negativity and spew around me.
Well, I don't think I have to worry about an invitation to breakfast now. I was very short with him earlier. He does this thing where he doesn't give specific times as to when he'll pick up our dog for a visit. It's always "I'll be there around...or before lunch." It's never specific. I told him that I needed a specific time. His response "I told you. What's your problem?" I didn't respond and he finally responded with a little before lunch or a little after lunch. I accepted that answer. He knows when I ask about specific times as to when he'll be around is because I don't want to be around him. There are times that I don't want to run into him for any reason. I later apologized for being short with him. Why did I apologize??? What's wrong with me???
It's official. I'm NOT texting him for any reason. Not over the dog, money, insurance..nothing! I usually block him, but haven't lately because I thought he may want to see our dog since things at work have been slow. He's not made any real efforts to do so. I think I will block him after he text me to say when he's dropped off the dog. I won't have to unblock him till maybe next Sat. To see if he reaches out to see the dog. He flipped out big time when I blocked him several months back. I also locked the storm door during that time bc he doesn't have a key to that door and I didn't want him to come and go at his leisure when I'm home. He lost his mind. He was screaming and cussing outside my window, and i heard him call his mom wanting to know if she had a key to the storm door. I called him after he left and told him that I locked the storm door for safety purposes and he said "Well, that's ok. Safety purposes is a good reason." He was saying that in a way to where I understood that was the only reason that was acceptable for me to lock that door. He calmed down once he heard my voice. He seemed almost desperate to see me, hear my voice or have some sort of interaction with me after a week of blocking him. His voice shakes all the time when I finally answer his calls. (I rarely do answer his calls) I can tell he's a nervous wreck when we're talking. Oh, I also told him that I was in the shower and didn't know he was outside until he was leaving. I've had to lie so many times in order to keep the peace. I think his past behavior has me scared enough to try to be cordial with him most of the time. I do give him a piece of my mind on occasion, but, I quickly apologize. It's just easier that way. Still, I'm going to block him this week regardless. It will be a good week.
I pray in desperation to find the strength I need to control my heartache that leads to anger and resentment. It's destroying my bubbly nature. I have some amazing friends in my life that will support me on this.
I had a breakdown of sorts yesterday. I let my H have it. I told him that I hated him for what he's done to me. All those horrible names and OW got to me in a way to where I sent her copies of some of H text to me to make me believe he wasn't with her anymore. (STUPID) I also sent her text from H saying that he loved me and wanting to know how he could make things better between us. (Again, STUPID) I'm sure they will probably fight and then have makeup sex. Oh boy!
I realize that my H only sends me texts of hope to give me a little hope just to shoot me down later. It's a terrible feeling to feel so unloved by this man I've been married to for 17 years. I have to figure out a way for me not to miss him while I have him blocked. This will be hard.
I don't want to hate my H. I've always been able to stay friends with ex-boyfriends but this relationship is much harder to do that. I thought this man loved me unconditionally. He sure had me fooled. I hate feeling like I've been so blind for so many years. I'm not even sure I haven't tried to reconcile with him because of that vanity.
I have to STOP this nonsense and get control of Nee. I am unwell right now. Giving him this much power is not who I am. I am stronger than this. I WILL be stronger!
How are you possibly NC when you are in constant contact with him? Of course he is texting you to keep you on the line in case. Plus it is probably fun for him to watch you spin so badly. You are playing into his story he can tell everyone about what a nut job you are. Stop giving him ammunition. Assume that any text you send him is going to be shared with OW and possibly others.
You have got to start focusing on YOU. What have you been doing to move YOURSELF forward. Because you are not doing these things you are spending your time obsessing over him and making very bad decisions in the process.
Please, get out of the house and do something. Call on those friends and make it a point not to talk about him.
Own it; You are correct. I have had too much time on my hands and need to get out more. I'm doing better.
I have decided to move out and get on with my life. I have no control of my life where I am now. He had been coming over at all hours drunk and demanding sex. I didn't want to call the law on him, so I didn't, but I also didn't have sex with him. One night after I didn't have sex with him, he rubbed feces on the front door. I'm hoping it was dog feces but who knows..? I think he was still drunk the next morning when he did it.
My H is not well. I don't think he will live much longer the way he is going with his careless ways. The drinking and driving is mostly my fear. I finally sent his mom an email yesterday explaining his reckless behavior in the hopes that she would beg him to stop drinking so much. Well, that didn't go over well. She now hates me and he has convinced her that I was lying. But, it has got him scared to where he thinks that I will start showing proof of his bizarre antics. I also have proof of his cruelty and OW. I don't think he'll stop his antics but maybe he'll leave me alone now. I told him if he didn't stay away from me until I moved out that I would blow his cover and start showing proof of everything he's done. Maybe it will work..maybe it won't. At least he knows that I'm not afraid of him anymore by my telling his mom some of what he's done. You don't even have to say it, Own it; I will not contact her again.
I have had him blocked and told him to email me if he wants to see the dog. He probably won't email me because I don't think he cares about our dog anymore, as he rarely sees him at all. I will have to text him next week to tell him that my car payment is due bc he won't put money in the joint acct until I tell him what's due. Then I will block him again and wait for an email about the dog. Blocking him makes it so much easier on me. I don't have to really think about him at all. That's why I want to move out so badly. Out of sight...out of mind. Well, most of the time.
I have very good people in my life who love me and will help me in any way they can. One friend called yesterday with a job proposal that I'm following up with tomorrow. It's just some light bookkeeping but it's something. It will hopefully get me out from under his thumb and i can start paying my own bills. I sure hope I get this job. If I'm working and packing up my stuff, it will keep my mind busy and hopefully too exhausted to fret about him.
I don't think I'm in love with my H anymore. I still love him on some level and I do care about his wellbeing. It's just not the same anymore. My heart is too heavy from his abuse to have the kind of love I would need to move past this. I know I will be ok.
Thank you for checking in with me, Own it. You're a gem.
I'm sorry you have had to deal with this behavior. This is fortunately not something I have had to deal with. Mine is wound too tightly to do these types of things.
What seems clear is that you are not happy in this relationship. Also, I question whether someone who would do these juvenile and criminal actions is someone you really need in your life. I think anything you can do to put the focus on you and move forward for yourself is a good thing.
Nothing has to be permanent if you don't want it to be. Maybe some day in the future you guys will meet again with different results. Maybe not. But either way the investment you make in yourself will always pay dividends to you.
I'll be hoping for the job to come through and a new place to live, if that is what you want. Think about the things that will make you happy and start doing some of them. I have confidence in you that you can do this!
I'm not sure why my previous message posted again but I'm not sure about a lot things, so par for the course. (Insert humor)
I am most definitely going to move on with my life. I don't have a choice, as I am in survival mode now. I kind of like being in survival mode because I get things done. Maybe it's more adrenaiine and I will keep that at bay because I know what that can lead to.
I'm feeling better about things this morning. The reason is that I keep a record of his text so if anything happens, I have it documented. I noticed a text from him that I hadn't seen that said I had screwed things up for him and OW and his mom. Any other time I would have said something like "Do you realize that you just told your wife that she screwed things up with you and your girlfriend?", but I didn't. This is a huge step for me. I'm not the kind of person who would stand for that but I know what I'm dealing with, so it's making t easier for me to walk away from that kind of statement from him. Now that I've gotten through that without reacting so quickly, the moment of sadness and frustration has passed. I had all these scenarios in my head of sending a screen shot to his mom for her to understand what's going on with him. But, I didn't do it. This is something that has to come natural from him in order for her to see it. I'm not the one who can prove anything to her. My H is the only one who can show his true colors in all this mess.
Anyway, I'm proud of myself and today is a new day. I must get motivated on getting my stuff packed and finding a place to live that's affordable. No one is going to kick me out if I don't find something right away, so I'm hopeful. I will NOT be treated like this any longer!!!
Thank you again, Own it. Thank you for your confidence in me. I needed it!!!
I sincerely hope things are going well for you and you're staying focused on what you have to do for yourself, too. No one should have to settle for less than they deserve. I don't care what mistakes you have made in the past, you don't have to be made to feel like you are "less than" in any form. I can tell that you have a good heart and that's all that matters. Your love for self and your children will see you through this. I just know it!!
Xx, Nee
Nee, I deleted your duplicate posting.
Last edited by job; 05/05/1708:57 AM. Reason: deleted duplicate posting.
Nee, sending positive thoughts your way. I'm heading to NY for my daughter's recital. Unfortunately he will be there. Hoping he ignores me again and that the time passes quickly.
Make sure to let us know how your progress is going. Good job on not responding to the text. The more you do it (or don't in this case) the easier it becomes. The first couple of times I ignored him I felt a panic. Now it is easy.
Nee, just finished reading your last couple of posts. Wow, you do have a lot to put up with! Your H really does sound like he is in full replay! The most important thing for you is to keep yourself safe. The thing with OW won't last anyway even without your help. He is broken right now and so must she be so that relationship is doomed from the start. You just need to leave him to do what he has to do. He is like a storm, they have to blow out at sometime.
I think you sound like a very strong person with the confidence to know that you will be alright without him. Usually we tell the LBS not to move out but you are in a unique situation and actually IMO I think it will be better for your sanity.
Take care Nee..
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Thank you for your positive thoughts. You're sweet to think of me. I'm hanging in there. I packed 8 boxes today. My back is out now but doing some stretches to get ready for tomorrow!
I hope everything goes well at your daughter's dance recital! I know you must be somewhat nervous but it'll be ok. Don't let your H get you down. If you want him to ignore you, I hope he does. If you want pleasentries, I wish that for you, too. Chin up! Your daughter will be so happy to have you there!!!
