Has anyone ever searched other sites regarding savings marriages? Poor odds, a lot of talk of financial protection, taking a stance, all in all some very negative information. I am a firm believer that DB'ing provides the best possibility for self growth and to give our relationship the best chance of renewed growth, yet can't help but see all the negative info out there. I feel Im at a crossroads, a moment of doubt. I want to continue on the path I'm on but some sense of reassurance or support would go a long way
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
If you want to save your marriage, the odds aren't in your favor. But do the odds matter to you? The only question is do you want to save your marriage and how much can you bear and for how long? Read the success stories of you want encouragement but be realistic too. I want to be one of those success stories even if that is a very low probability event.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
My marriage probably won't be a success story, but I know that this process has made me more calm, rational, happier, and a better parent to my children. At the end of the day your success depends on the cooperation of someone who has shown you that they don't value you. What amazes me is that there are any success stories.
too true OwnIt. I suppose we also have the benefit of knowing that not only did we become the best persons we can be, but we also gave our relationships our best shot. Thats something i need - knowing i gave it my all with nothing more i could do
Incidentally some reconciliations can take several years and the importance to move forward i want to believe makes things somewhat more digestible. I'm still rooting for ya
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1) Survive & thrive by ourselves in spite of their MLC. 2) Develop the skills to deal with our spouse on their terms, because right now they cannot see it any other way.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
i found a real neat article titled; no more mr nice guy, referred to by Sandi from here.Its in a post where Sandi talks about tough love for the wayward spouse. through some deep soul searching i believe i was far too passive and accommodating through our relationship and can see how that can be suffocating and leading to where i am today. I'm going to read more on this.
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
Glad to hear you are learning and growing through this experience. Why do you think you were suffocating?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
repeatedly asking if she were ok when she was upset or apologizing when i didn't necessarily do anything wrong. I realize now it has more to do with her distancing, love language and my passive and pursuing expression of care. These are the things I've been working on the past number of months. My intent was never to cause anything negative however my lack of leadership has unintentionally eroded her feelings for me, or so i suspect
BD Oct 2016 Me 47, W 43 together 25 years S 25, D 22
