About me not regarding her or the kids? You know, I've been with her since I was a teenager so that will be a challenge, but I'll give it a go.
I recently turned 40 and was born and raised in Texas. I enjoy outdoorsy stuff. I like to camp, hike, and bike. I enjoy road trips and meeting new people and exploring cities and towns I've never been to. I like to build and fix things. I like working on computers (building and fixing them, not necessarly performing work funtions from a computer terminal). I enjoy reading, but for the last 15 years or so I've enjoyed audiobooks so that I can enjoy books while doing other activities at the same time. My favorite genre is scifi, but I listen/read a little bit of everything. I also enjoy music and seeing bands play. Fr the last 15 years or so I have been interested in the UFO phenomenon and have researched it extensively. I've been to many international UFO conferences, read at least 50 books on the subject, and have met most of the people you see on UFO specials on TV. I learned in the last 8-10 years that I like to cook and am pretty good at it. I have been going to the gym recently, but I wouldn't say its something I enjoy so much as I find it cathardic and recognize its good for me.
From around the time I started high school all the way till now, I have been interested in people and what makes them tic. I have watched people and their behavior for so long that I've developed kind of a 6th sense for understanding people and what drives them. Being able to predict their behavior based on observing them and understanding why they make the choices they do. This is just an interest, nothing to do with my job or a hobby. Sometimes its a blessing and sometimes a curse.
I'll go ahead and list a few things that I have an interest in learning but have not had the capacity as of late to get myself in to. I've always wanted to learn a matial art, take a dance class of some sort, learn a new language, and maybe learn to brew beer. I'm not a big drinker, but the process of brewing I find intriguing and I do enjoy good craft beers socially.
Hmm...just listing that out strangely made me feel a little better. Think its been a while since I actually gave myself a second though...let alone a couple paragraphs worth. Thank you.
Oh...and I used to play a lot of disc golf before having kids since there was a course close to our house. I really enjoyed that as the courses are generally pretty woodsy so its like target practice with a Frisbee in the woods. Almost forgot to list that one.
About me not regarding her or the kids? You know, I've been with her since I was a teenager so that will be a challenge, but I'll give it a go.
I recently turned 40 and was born and raised in Texas. I enjoy outdoorsy stuff. I like to camp, hike, and bike. I enjoy road trips and meeting new people and exploring cities and towns I've never been to. I like to build and fix things. I like working on computers (building and fixing them, not necessarly performing work funtions from a computer terminal). I enjoy reading, but for the last 15 years or so I've enjoyed audiobooks so that I can enjoy books while doing other activities at the same time. My favorite genre is scifi, but I listen/read a little bit of everything. I also enjoy music and seeing bands play. Fr the last 15 years or so I have been interested in the UFO phenomenon and have researched it extensively. I've been to many international UFO conferences, read at least 50 books on the subject, and have met most of the people you see on UFO specials on TV. I learned in the last 8-10 years that I like to cook and am pretty good at it. I have been going to the gym recently, but I wouldn't say its something I enjoy so much as I find it cathardic and recognize its good for me.
I'm not going to invalidate you...
I worked with a guy a few years back, who made himself a tin-foil hat to wear at work so that the aliens wouldn't infiltrate his thoughts. He would duck his head in and out the door about 15 times before he would walk outside....
That isn't you is it ?
Seriously though...
What genre of music ??
A+ certified ?
what is your specialty when you cook ?
There used to be (back in the heydays) a cooking thread open almost all the time....
Maybe we should start a new one ???
Originally Posted By: sjohns6
From around the time I started high school all the way till now, I have been interested in people and what makes them tic. I have watched people and their behavior for so long that I've developed kind of a 6th sense for understanding people and what drives them. Being able to predict their behavior based on observing them and understanding why they make the choices they do. This is just an interest, nothing to do with my job or a hobby. Sometimes its a blessing and sometimes a curse.
Right there with you...
I am a people watcher, not so much a people interact-er...
Originally Posted By: sjohns6
I'll go ahead and list a few things that I have an interest in learning but have not had the capacity as of late to get myself in to. I've always wanted to learn a matial art, take a dance class of some sort, learn a new language, and maybe learn to brew beer. I'm not a big drinker, but the process of brewing I find intriguing and I do enjoy good craft beers socially.
So a new goal...
DB101
Which one of those things , will you plan to make happen within the next two weeks ??
Originally Posted By: sjohns6
Hmm...just listing that out strangely made me feel a little better. Think its been a while since I actually gave myself a second though...let alone a couple paragraphs worth. Thank you.
lol...no, I'm not one of the crazies, but I've met my fair share of them. I have a genuine interest in the phenomenon, but I don't buy in to most of it. What gets me is if there is even ONE legit UFO type experience out of the millions and millions reported over the centuries, that means something. Most of it is garbage, though. Still interesting.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
What genre of music??
For music I mainly listen to rock of all kinds. About the only thing I don't care a whole lot for (don't hate, just not my thing) is country and really heavy metal. Lately I've been liking bands like Glass Animals and Miike Snow. They are more indie rock which is something I've only recently started enjoying.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
A+ certified?
I am A+ certified, but I also have my MCSA. For work I am a server engineer. My current work is in disaster recovery but I've done a little bit of everything.[/quote]
Originally Posted By: Mach1
what is your specialty when you cook?
I tend to be really good at baking. I don't eat a lot of cakes, but I get requests to make them all the time. Breakfast foods are where I shine, but I make a great spaghetti and have won contests for my chili. I'm from Texas, but I still like beans in my chili. A cooking forum sounds fun!I'm down!
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Right there with you...I am a people watcher, not so much a people interact-er...
Growing up I was that way too. I was always on the edge of a crowd...not interacting, just observing. Then, after 8th grade I switched from a public school to a private school for my freshman year. That year I decided that none of those kids knew me and that I could be whoever I wanted to be. I felt insecure, but I pretended to be the popular kid, and I became that. The next year I went back to the public school with a lot more confidence then I had before I left. I still was a people watcher and my tendency is to lurk in the background, but I learned to be outgoing when I wanted to be.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Which one of those things , will you plan to make happen within the next two weeks ??
Good question. I have started a few language programs on Rosetta Stone, but that's something that I kind of do at home. For this exercise I want to pick something outside the house. I think I'll look in to some martial arts classes. I think that might be a good fit for me right now.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
You are the only reason that you are in limbo...
thats a hard realization, but a true one. I don't want to be in limbo, so maybe I can get myself out of it!
It’ll get you out of the house on a regular basis and you will meet a different set of people than you know today. I hear you on not loving the gym so encourage you to try something that will make it fun like Martial Arts or a aerobic dance class or CrossFit.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
For music I mainly listen to rock of all kinds. About the only thing I don't care a whole lot for (don't hate, just not my thing) is country and really heavy metal. Lately I've been liking bands like Glass Animals and Miike Snow. They are more indie rock which is something I've only recently started enjoying.
Indie/punk/ska-punk...
I started going to some concerts a few years ago with my Son. Local places, 200-300 people max in a few of them.
A few of the shows, had less than 50 people there. Really freakin cool actually.
Modern Baseball/TFB/Joyce Manor, DCFC, just to name a few...
Pinegrove is one of my favorites that I picked up from him. You should check them out.
I am more of a Grunge guy, raised on classic rock. Although I am learning new things through him.
Originally Posted By: sjohns6
Originally Posted By: Mach1
what is your specialty when you cook?
I tend to be really good at baking. I don't eat a lot of cakes, but I get requests to make them all the time. Breakfast foods are where I shine, but I make a great spaghetti and have won contests for my chili. I'm from Texas, but I still like beans in my chili. A cooking forum sounds fun!I'm down!
I have a really good Texas Chili that I make. We may have to have the first annual DB Chili cook off !!!
Cadet has had my Chili (amongst other various things)...We should let him judge ??
Hey Cadet !!! Free food !!!!
: )
Originally Posted By: sjohns6
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Which one of those things , will you plan to make happen within the next two weeks ??
Good question. I have started a few language programs on Rosetta Stone, but that's something that I kind of do at home. For this exercise I want to pick something outside the house. I think I'll look in to some martial arts classes. I think that might be a good fit for me right now.
Suggestion....
Don't use something that you can take or leave at any time...
Sign up for something that keeps you involved.
You can listen to Rosetta Stone at anytime...
Signing up for a class allows you to commit to the program....
Originally Posted By: sjohns6
Originally Posted By: Mach1
You are the only reason that you are in limbo...
thats a hard realization, but a true one. I don't want to be in limbo, so maybe I can get myself out of it!
Gordie, I think you are right! The more I thought about martial arts it really started to resonate with me. Its good exercise, its on a schedule, and its something I've always wanted to do but never have. Think I'll sign up for something this week. Any suggestions on what kind? Judo, jujitsu, karate?
Mach, awesome! Thanks, I'll check out those bands. I really like small venues and love seeing new bands. I've seen Cake, Gomez, Alt J, and Willie Nelson at small venues (to name a few). Always better that way!
Chili cook off huh? I am so down for that. Rick1963, bring it! I like eating chili just as much as making it! Cadet can judge
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Suggestion....
Don't use something that you can take or leave at any time...
Sign up for something that keeps you involved.
You can listen to Rosetta Stone at anytime...
Signing up for a class allows you to commit to the program....
Agreed. Gordie was saying the same thing. Not sure about a language class, but signing up for martial arts would get me out of the house on a schedule.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
It's true, and eye opening when you can see it...
You chose to stand for your marriage...
Nobody else made that decision...
The trick is, to stand, yet NOT stand still...
Truth. Starting to see it. Just need to hold on to it. Thank you guys for helping me with that. I really needed it. Its easy to get stuck in your own rabbit hole.
Don't use something that you can take or leave at any time...
Sign up for something that keeps you involved.
You can listen to Rosetta Stone at anytime...
Signing up for a class allows you to commit to the program....
Agreed. Gordie was saying the same thing. Not sure about a language class, but signing up for martial arts would get me out of the house on a schedule.
Hey there. Decided to check back in. I need to step away from the boards sometimes.
Things have been up and down. Generally I am able to keep from R talks and no pressure, but then something happens and my resolve slips.
About a month ago I had a slip up and snooped her phone. I had a weird feeling about her interactions with one of my son's friends dads. I found some texts between them that were inappropriate. He was the one sending the inappropriate stuff, but she didn't tell him to stop and seemed to enjoy it. To clarify, I did not think that they were messing around, but inappropriate is inappropriate and she claims to be "working" on things. This man is married and W is friends with his W.
I confronted her about it and she said that there was nothing between them. She then got really mad that I looked at her phone and said that she had thought things were getting better but she guessed not. She changed the PIN on her phone and then changed the password on my cell phone account. I did not realize this right away, but I saw my daughter try to play on her phone days later and she was unable to get in it due to the new PIN code. I attempted to log in to the cell phone account days later to check the bill and realized the password was different. I decided to just leave it that way and not discuss it.
That was a month ago, and over the weeks things seemed to smooth out again. I just continued trying to detach and not pressure anything. Then, a little over a week ago, she left to go to yoga around lunch time while I stayed home with our son who was sick. She also planned on going out in the evening with a girlfriend to see a band play. There wasn't a discussion, but I decided to go do my own thing once she got back from yoga. After about 3 hours, I called her to see how long she would be so that I could figure out my plans. She did not answer. She finally came home around 7:30...she was gone for 7 hours. I was very angry. She had only been hanging out with her brothers, but she didn't tell me she would be gone all day and then come home and leave again. At that point I left and she had to stay home to care for our son. My argument to her was that if she was so unhappy that she couldn't stay married then she needed to leave...but if she was going to stay that she needed to treat me with respect and be equal with me. She needed to give me the same space as she was requiring.
After a few days, things smoothed out again. Last Friday she had lunch with her brother and he advised her to not lead me on if she had no intentions of staying or had already checked out. That is wasn't fair to me to act like she was working things out if that isn't what she was doing. She came home and initiated a talk in that regard. She didn't say she was leaving, but indicated she didn't want to hurt me. I thought the fact that she initiated a talk at all seemed positive. I was calm and only validated.
For the last few days things have been ok. We have talked normally and generally gotten along. With the idea that she might be leaving (not sure thats the case but easier to think that way after the talk) the feeling of detachment has seemed easier. Then came today...
Our cell phone bill is now due and I am still unable to log in to the account without forcing a password recovery. To be honest, I've kind of liked not being able to snoop her phone, but the bill needs to be paid. While getting ready for work I mentioned that I needed her to log in to the account and pay the bill. She simply said OK. That bugged me as we have not had a conversation about her locking me out of my account. I asked her if she was OK with the arrangement and she said yes. Then she asked if I would rather her transfer her phone to her own account. That really made me mad. She is asking me to trust her after all of this, but she can't trust me because I looked at her phone over a month ago? I was not mean, but I spoke my mind.
I seem to get a handle on myself for a bit, and then I lose site. I honestly think it would be easier if she moved out. I know it wouldn't fix our problems nor would I feel better initially, but I think it would give me some space to move past things without getting caught up in little everyday interactions.
After I got to work I did another thing I probably shouldn't have done...I sent her an email. It was basically apologizing for attacking her before work. I also said that we needed to be able to trust each other. I said that I had been working on my own trust issues with her and had been doing well with it but didn't know what it would take for her to trust me. I said that regardless of whether I deserved her mistrust or not, that I wanted to work on getting past it. There was a little more, but that was the gist of it.
So now I am going to be leaving work soon to go home and am really not sure how to handle things. Part of me thinks I need to just leave it alone and let things blow over again, but part of me thinks that I need to discuss her mistrust at a more appropriate time than we did this morning. The reason I feel that way is because I feel like we are on the brink of separation and that if she is going to continue mistrusting me for practically nothing and not be willing to work on it while expecting me to trust her after an EA, then maybe it time to go ahead and cut our losses.
In other news, I did sign up for Brazilian Jujitsu. I've had 2 classes so far and I really like it.
