Looking for a miracle.

[job]

Irish,

Peace is correct in her statement that they live in a time warp. Maybe she forgot she's divorced or maybe she's in denial, but either way...it's her circus to attend and figure out what she wants to do.

I'm glad the financial institution is working w/you on transferring the funds for your daughters to a new account. You will feel much better knowing that she can't get any where near them, no matter what.

I do you that you and your daughters have something special planned for the weekend.

[Irish M]

Hi bttrfly :-)

yes Peace and Job, I truly believe as well that their minds are so warped that time as we know it doesn't exist.

This weekend we tackled the yard. I had a long to-do list, so long that we were just waiting for he perfect weather to start it. Today was that day. Start the pool. Replace the gazebo door, flush the hot tub and clean out my water garden. I like to get all this done by may 10, this way we enjoy the summer.

The door needed some TLC. I decided to go to the hardware store to pick up new hinges. My house is in front of a huge park. The street circles around it and it brings you to a main road that when driving on it you see my house.

To my surprise I get to the stop sign. Who did I see at the opposite intersection. My X MIL and her boy friend. I look into their car and X mil slumps down trying to hide.. lol .. I have a jeep so I clearly see inside the car since it is much lower. Her boyfriend looks at me with a lost look... I continue on my way to the store.

Now OK, it's a public road. Thing is, They know no one in my town or even the next 2 towns over. They live 45 mins away on a good traffic day. So clearly they are on a mission to see us from a far. Poor her. Maybe she is starting to feel the consequences of abandoning her grand children. really not my loss. I don't miss that woman.

Tomorrow I travel for business. Staying in one of the oldest hotels in Quebec city, Alfred Hitchcock used this hotel in 1953 to film his movie "I confess" . Its a beauty.

So the countdown to mothers day start tomorrow. May 9 is the day and I will celebrate it. With my girls and my own mom.

have a good Sunday everyone.

[bttrfly]

Hi Irish
How sad to have put oneself in a position where one can only see one's grandchildren from afar.

Did you get everything done that you wanted to accomplish? My mom's birthday is Monday, then of course mother's day right after. Hope you have safe travels and a good business trip, Irish. xoxoxo

[SBJ]

Irish, thanks for giving us strength. I look to you as inspiration that we can get to a point where their batchitcrazy doesn't affect us so much.

I too have issues with my MIL, mainly because she is an enabler and not a mother. Now, my FIL and the step-MIL are different and admit that they think the W is crazy at the moment.

You and your girls are in my prayers daily.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Irish,

I have been meaning to comment sooner. I have been dealing with a lot of the same memory issues that you have. I swear at times that my ex forgets we are divorced. She somehow feels that my income is still ours to decide how is is spent. She is terrible with money as it is and cannot comprehend when some is too expensive. So then when she can't afford to make her share on payments for daughters college stuff she looks to me to bail her out. I have started to push back on this, let her know how her decisions have affected us all and that she has to make choices going forward to fix this. Within a day or so its like these conversations never take place.

I am starting to wonder about this loss of memory. Is it a result of the MLC or a skill they develop to not face the results of their actions. I am starting to lean towards the later.

I would not loose sleep over this Irish. I don't believe the behavior will ever correct itself without a lot of help. Neither of our exs are getting that help so not much we can do.

Keep being the father you are to your daughters. I can tell you, based on my experience with my daughters that it will pay off for you. They will recognize that this person is not the mother they knew. They may have a relationship with her, but will always seek you out for advise and support. You can take comfort that they will realize that you are their rock. A role their mother can no longer full fill.

[Irish M]

My mom's birthday is Monday, then of course mother's day right after.

Hi bttrfly xx
I think i got the dates wrong. Mothers day is next weekend, so oh joy, another week of crazy.

And it is sad that my girls lost not only their mother but the grandparents as well. Thank god for my parents filling that void they have.

You and your girls are in my prayers daily.

Hi SBJ , thank you so much for this. I too pray for you and so many others here. I believe we have all found this place so we can save ourselves and our children.

I am starting to wonder about this loss of memory. Is it a result of the MLC or a skill they develop to not face the results of their actions. I am starting to lean towards the later.

I would not loose sleep over this Irish. I don't believe the behavior will ever correct itself without a lot of help. Neither of our exs are getting that help so not much we can do.

Hi LT
I truly think it is a MLC trait. A defense mechanism that protects them from seeing the entire picture. I doubt they are completely oblivious to it. The mind protects itself from trauma. People have had car accidents and couldn't remember a thing.

I do believe that after time they get these memories back. In small doses so they can digest it. Then it depends on the core person. Do they confront it and talk about it... or pretend it never happened

Now my XW has always pretended things didn't happen and swept them under the rug. She would go to bed angry and wake up the next day all happy. Not wanting to talk about it. To me that is not healthy and I can see her doing that dance now. Nothing she did is wrong, lets just get over it and move on.

It won't work for me anymore and nor for the girls this time. That game has run its course.

I'm curious to know how many MLC'r are like that. Not dealing with issues and letting them slide away.



Update.. well I won a local contest to see some Elvis impersonators. My D16 loves the King so I bought a few tickets for my parents and D14. The show was amazing. What I did to win was send a video of me and the girls singing . The first Elvis mentioned it to the crowd and had us stand up for applause. lol they girls loved the spotlight and it made their night. yaaaa baby

Mothers day a week away.. weather is finally drying up. Thinking of taking a drive south to the Adirondacks next week.. I miss that area..

[Vapo]

Nice one Irish!

RE the memory thing. Yes, it is a MLC thing. It can get really bad when they are in the depths of it, but it does get better as time goes by. So with their memory being like swiss cheese, it is prudent NOT to rely on them. I know she left both girls to you, but I make swaps pretty much every other day and I learned to NOT rely on her for ANYTHING so I was always prepared to handle any and every contingency. I still am, but luckily the memory thing improved heaps. I still rely on me only and do not trust her.

Thumbs up for us LBS dads.

[SBJ]

I remember reading AmyC's threads and in her later posts she was amazed at how she was either remembering or being reminded of things that she had not remembered during her MLC. They might had been things that she had blocked out on purpose due to the amount of damage that it had done.

MWD has also written that we, as the LBS, will be the only one left with true memories to help our MLC'er with their memory should they ever return. That sounds totally crazy, but makes sense.

[Irish M]

Hi Vapo. Yes, thumbs up for us LBS dads. Funny how you said that, you cant trust her for anything. It's like they just f=drop the skill they learnt as parents or pick up the skill of pretending to be useless.

Hi SBJ, the memory thing is crazy. I'm sure if I started telling my XW (if I had the chance to) the things she has done , she will snap and deny it all. Her quarter life crises over 10 years ago , when she left for a few months only. she didn't remember anything. Even around BD I said she was repeating the same thing she did. She denied it. Said it never happened. Those shark eyes were present and the smirk of getting away with everything as well.

So its been nearly 2 weeks I signed the documents to have power over my daughters savings plans for school. They called XW to come sign them as well as stated in the divorce agreement. She has yet to show up. So my next step will be to go back to court to have the judge remove any decision making about the girls. This will mean I will no longer need her permission to travel , register the girls for school or anything related to their lives . Once they are 18 they can sign any documents themselves.

Sad feeling about it but I think its necessary. No news from her either except she forwarded an email from the school that she received. She sent it without adding any comments or message. I also received it from the school so there was no need to forward it over. I guess she felt helpful.


hope you are all well.
Irish

[Brubeck]

I am starting to wonder about this loss of memory. Is it a result of the MLC or a skill they develop to not face the results of their actions. I am starting to lean towards the later.

It can be both. I see in my W genuine memory loss, she cannot keep up with herself sometimes. One time she left our kitchen in the middle of making dinner to go pick up some antibiotics (salmon still frying in the pan).

I remember reading Wonka's stuff. She said sometimes just getting through the day was unbearably hard for her. With everything bouncing around in a MLC brain, some details are going to get lost.

I truly think it is a MLC trait. A defense mechanism that protects them from seeing the entire picture. I doubt they are completely oblivious to it. The mind protects itself from trauma. People have had car accidents and couldn't remember a thing.

I do believe that after time they get these memories back. In small doses so they can digest it. Then it depends on the core person. Do they confront it and talk about it... or pretend it never happened

Yowza - did you hit the nail on the head there, Irish. That to me also describes MLC in full. They are projecting their pain onto the LBS as a defense mechanism from looking inward. It's too painful inside to look.