Thread #3 - Mediation

[Dawgs]

My DB coach would not be happy

[KevinIn]

Interesting text i got today from OM's wife - apparently OM won't adjust his custody schedule to accommodate his wife's work schedule. The reason - my wife won't let him so that they can spend time together. Clearly they are still planning their happily ever after together. My wife has really turned into a horrible human that is absurdly selfish.

[KevinIn]

Wife and are are birdnesting until she moves out in a few weeks. For the most part, its like we bith are traveling a lot for work but not home at the same time. Our dirty clothes still go into rhe same hamper. Well, i just got done doing laundry and she all sorts of new sexy lingerie.

Having the affair is infuriating enough, and now she is flaunting it in my face. She probably isnt doing it intentionally, but it is really messed up.

[KevinIn]

Wife is finally moving out in a few days. I can't wait to stop this birdnesting. And i just don't want to have to share any more of my life with her than i really have to. She is a horrible human.

[KevinIn]

And another thing...

I think i'm going to give up on this whole divorce busting thing. My wife is too far gone and being too horrible of a human for me to want to take her back, even if she she said she wanted to make it work.

I'll keep learning from my mistakes and making changes for me and not her. But, i'm probably not going to hold back in future mediation sessions of pushing for what i want in the long run (more time with kids, bigger share of assets, etc.). Until now, i've been a good person about it and negotiated "fair" compromises. But, since she's the one ending our marriage and continuing her affair, I'm going to push for more than half of everything.

I also really just want to tell her off. She deserves to hear it. But, i'll probably wait until after I have signed custody and asset agreements. I just gotta stay nice until then, while also pushing for whats in my best interest.

[leahsue]

Hi Kevin,
Sorry your situation has come to this, but I can certainly understand how you have examined your heart about how you want this to go. And I think you're wise to hold off your comments to her until it's signed on the dotted line. You will have a chance to both tell AND show her at some point. The best revenge anyway is for you to be OK, and move on to the life, relationships, treatment and love you deserve. Don't be a stranger here, though. You've given some great advice to everyone, and a strong encouragement.

[15Stang]

KevinIn,
I can relate to your situation. My wife is also still in her affair and divorcing me. It has been a 3 year on/off again affair....(he was my best friend). My wife hasn't been mean but we don't talk since she left. It has been 2 months since I have seen her or heard her voice. The way she left was while I was at work her ap came over and they packed up the house. Didn't hear from her for four days after she left. This all happened quickly. The week she left we were planning house projects, future dreams, made love a few times. I had no idea it was coming. I thought she was truthful. I am working on myself and using the DB principles to better myself but I am not resisting the divorce. It is going to happen.
I ask myself a lot why my heart won't let go of this woman. I would never date a woman that did this to her boyfriend or husband. My wife has become someone that lacks character and integrity. To much lying in our marriage the last 3-4 years. I don't like being alone but I am starting to see it is better to be alone than with my soon to be ex wife.

I would love to tell my wife off.... unfortunately it wouldn't do any good as she is so not using logic in her decisions she would probably use it to justify her actions even more.
I'll keep my mouth shut.

[KevinIn]

Hi Kevin,
Sorry your situation has come to this, but I can certainly understand how you have examined your heart about how you want this to go. And I think you're wise to hold off your comments to her until it's signed on the dotted line. You will have a chance to both tell AND show her at some point. The best revenge anyway is for you to be OK, and move on to the life, relationships, treatment and love you deserve. Don't be a stranger here, though. You've given some great advice to everyone, and a strong encouragement.

Thank you for your kind words. I wont be a stranger. This site got me through thr darkest time in my life.

[KevinIn]

KevinIn,
I can relate to your situation. My wife is also still in her affair and divorcing me. It has been a 3 year on/off again affair....(he was my best friend). My wife hasn't been mean but we don't talk since she left. It has been 2 months since I have seen her or heard her voice. The way she left was while I was at work her ap came over and they packed up the house. Didn't hear from her for four days after she left. This all happened quickly. The week she left we were planning house projects, future dreams, made love a few times. I had no idea it was coming. I thought she was truthful. I am working on myself and using the DB principles to better myself but I am not resisting the divorce. It is going to happen.
I ask myself a lot why my heart won't let go of this woman. I would never date a woman that did this to her boyfriend or husband. My wife has become someone that lacks character and integrity. To much lying in our marriage the last 3-4 years. I don't like being alone but I am starting to see it is better to be alone than with my soon to be ex wife.

I would love to tell my wife off.... unfortunately it wouldn't do any good as she is so not using logic in her decisions she would probably use it to justify her actions even more.
I'll keep my mouth shut.

We definitely have similar situations. Although, the OM being your best friend is super painful to hear.

It all happened super fast with me. Just 6 months ago we were happily married (or i thought we were). She never gave us a chance once she told me of her affair. Oh well. Her loss. Someone elses gain. Its my kids that will suffer the most.

[KevinIn]

The wife begins moving out today. I honestly can't believe it is happening, but im not sad about it. Mayby a little angry at her for it since she never really tried to save our marriage.
But more than anything, im happy that this limbo period of birdnesting is over.