April 21st is now lease day for the apartment and I'll get first weekend. My Sister in Law is divorced and has 50/50, so trying to synch up schedules where my W has the kids when SIL has hers.
Looking forward to this next chapter. Things are good. Pressure is off a bit as we hit some ups and downs this weekend. I've actually noticed things get more playful from both my side and hers and that's been nice. I know it doesn't mean anything in this marathon, but it's been nice.
We've got an event for my son this weekend and had originally bought 3 tickets not knowing who would go. We asked him who he wants to go and he said Mom & Dad. Love this kid. My W works half a day Saturday, so we'll pick up at Noon to go.
Feeling stronger today and am thankful for that. Hope everyone has a good one.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Good night with the munchkins although math homework with D13 is like slaying a dragon with one arm tied behind my back and some silly string for my weapon. She can be one serious beast.
Caught up a little with my Sister-in-Law as she's not really in communication with my W. Don't worry, I wasn't fishing for info or snooping because I know she's not talking to my W now.
It's strange as I'm more comforting my W's family about this whole thing than my W. She's in Rogue mode and that's just where it is.
Started thinking about the apartment and getting back into cooking. I love cooking. My schedule with the kids will be every other weekend and Wed PM/Thurs/Fri AM, so when I don't have the kids I'll be solo Fri PM - Wed PM. Those weekends I'll cook up some grub for the week, freeze, etc.
I've always wanted to try some cooking some french cuisine, but cooking does take some time, makes a mess and is a lot with kids running around. I steadily stopped cooking more often and we did simple meals due to keeping up with the kids.
Balance will be not cooking so much that I don't eat too much as I'm working on this Dad Bod. Summer will be here soon and we've got a pool at the apartment. Watch out!!!
All for now. Hope everyone has a great day.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Started thinking about the apartment and getting back into cooking. I love cooking. My schedule with the kids will be every other weekend and Wed PM/Thurs/Fri AM, so when I don't have the kids I'll be solo Fri PM - Wed PM. Those weekends I'll cook up some grub for the week, freeze, etc.
Tryin,
When I was married I used to cook a lot. I haven't cooked nearly as much since our separation. It's so time consuming to set the table cook and clean up. I wish I could get back into it, but I have so many other demands on my time. One day...
I've always wanted to try some cooking some french cuisine, but cooking does take some time, makes a mess and is a lot with kids running around. I steadily stopped cooking more often and we did simple meals due to keeping up with the kids.
It is time consuming, for sure. I only handled the grill in my M, but I just recently started a cooking class and I love it! Been whipping up all kinds of new cuisines lately and the kids even help sometimes! Cooking has become a great activity that we now do together.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Cooking is fun with the kids, but my kids are such picky eaters. In the quest to get some of my time back for me, I just know I'll enjoy doing it even if I'm making a mess.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Not that I needed this to confirm my W is all wrapped up in her own world, but took over Easter Bunny duties this morning. She would never not want to do this, but she talked about having to go after work to "get that done". I told her I'd do it because I really want to.
Looking forward to the weekend. We're taking our S10 to Monster Trucks this weekend (Jeep - I'll be on the look out for Tacomas). Sunday is my niece's birthday on my side. My family knows what's going on so I'm hoping they won't bring me down with a pity party.
Hoping to watch Fantastic Beasts with my D13 tonight. She just got it this week.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
So last night went furniture shopping for the apartment with the W. It was interesting and we actually had a bit of fun. I flirted with her throughout without being pushy and she noticed my changes. She said, "I'm not use to all this newness."
When I say changes, it's really just simply my attack against my depression. It's really more about me facing it and lifting a bit of the dark cloud that I've let drown me out. I'm enjoying it.
At one point, she said, "wow, so now you think i'm funny" and I said quickly, "you've always made me laugh and I've always loved your humor". She told me that she was about to cry and had to hold it back. I told her I was just being honest.
Towards the end, she said that she wasn't sure how she was so calm and whether she's just insane or just feeling better moving forward. My inner voice said one answer (you can guess), but I said "it's probably a bit of both" and she smiled.
Came home to movie night with the kids and we watched Fantastic Beasts after picking up some movie candy for the kidos. Really enjoyed time together.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Enjoyed the day yesterday, but a bit ticked as the W spent the night at her female co-worker's again without telling me. She mentioned she was going to watch a movie, but not spend the night. Gonna call it out when she gets back because I'd normally not say anything.
We went to monster trucks with S10 and had a great time. Real interesting mix of people there. Then my D13 had her best friend come over and we had homemade pizza night and hung out (as much as you can with teenagers). It was a good day.
Going to my niece's b-day party today and hoping my family doesn't overwhelm me with a pity party. My mom & dad's way of dealing with things is ignoring them. It's a big problem for me in my relationship with my W and one of the main things I'm working on.
When my parents/family do deal with something, it usually turns into a big "sulk and sigh" fest. I've actually come to embrace my sitch pretty well and am enjoying the growth ("what doesn't kill us makes us stronger"). It can just be a terrible weight that I don't need or want right now with the pity party.
I've got some travel for work this week before the kids get out of school for Spring/Easter break. Looking forward to catching up in person with some of my work peeps. Busy time right now at work and that's been a helpful distraction.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Just wanted to observe on the difference between change and shift.
Change can reverse and shift is done from knowledge. Once you know you never unknow.
This experience can be big shifts, it isn't just about R or new M or piecing or rebuilding.
It's about truly making you a new H and father.
There is nothing sexier in my book than a great dad, and that's my own view. Although your W may see it differently.
This all seems very good humoured and cooperative. Buying furniture together, all rather jolly hockey sticks. I can't quite get the grasp of the bon homie.
Tell me more about the deep blues that haunted you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Just wanted to observe on the difference between change and shift.
Change can reverse and shift is done from knowledge. Once you know you never unknow.
This experience can be big shifts, it isn't just about R or new M or piecing or rebuilding.
It's about truly making you a new H and father.
There is nothing sexier in my book than a great dad, and that's my own view. Although your W may see it differently.
Really like the change vs. shift and I am focused on these changes to be permanent shifts in my behavior. The shift is for whether I am with my W or not as it's more for me and my kids. See below for more 411 on my shifts that I'm tackling.
The W said Sunday that I've been amazing with the kids lately. I told her that I'm just doing what I need to do, but I appreciate her noticing and saying something.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
This all seems very good humoured and cooperative. Buying furniture together, all rather jolly hockey sticks. I can't quite get the grasp of the bon homie.
Tell me more about the deep blues that haunted you.
On the bon homie, it's a little bit 180 for me. We were in the rut of responsibilities and very little fun. After realizing my depression and all the issues it causes for myself and my W and kids, I've changed or dare I say shifted perspectives.
I'm trying to just enjoy each day for what it brings regardless of how much it all hurts. I'm a heck of a lot of fun when I want to be and that's who I'd rather be than the woe is me guy.
On deep blues, the depression has been something new for me to identify. I've always carried a lot of burden internally and just grinned and bared it to not cause issues. My learned behavior from my parents was to just ignore issues until they were no longer issues. I'm learning to shift my approach here.
It's been sorta surreal with working through depression/withdrawal over the past few weeks. My D13 and I love taking our dog on walks and chatting. I was overwhelmed with sadness one of these walks a few weeks ago because of something. We hadn't walked 2 minutes and she asked me what's wrong and I knew I was slipping and needed to get on top of the depression wave. Learning how to identify and accept the feelings, but changing the thoughts on how to handle.
Another shift is assertiveness. I'm assertive at work, but never have been assertive at home. This includes being assertive with both my W and kids. As I got through my "depression fog", I finally had a light bulb go off on this topic and have realized what that looks like from an outsider. My view of myself was pretty poor coming out of our last D Day in February. I've looked in the mirror and have seen a pretty depressed, weak and lifeless person.
I know this is a lot of beating up on myself, but I am my own worst critic. I'm happier now than I've been in a while because I see these behaviors that I'd like to shift.
Feel free to follow-up with any questions you have on this. I'm traveling for work so might not get back to right away. Have a good one.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
