I feel for you, as I'm having some similar issues. My wife bought a house in Dec, but she's still here. She's "fixing up" the other house, but "don't worry, I'm definitively moving out". And I'm paying for it all.
On the one hand, I suspect I have a better chance to reconcile if she's still here, but on the other, I am sure she's leaving, so I wish she would get on with it.
For what it's worth, when the couple across the street divorced, they sold the house, because, in her words, "he just wouldn't leave." A bit extreme, but that's what it might take.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
I don't have much hope on reconciliation based on our latest conversation on Sunday. She's completely checked out at this point. I'd be happy to be proven wrong though.
The topic will surely come up again soon from her and this time I'm going to push for her to get her own place and job.
In the meantime I'm just concerned about me. The further I move along from knowing about the affair and obsessing over it, it tends to hurt less.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
I think I'm saying what I am about to say not only to you but as a reminder to myself.
Absolutely anything can happen in these situations. I've been completely down and out and trying to accept that my W wasn't coming back but she did, twice!
Absolutely anything can happen in these situations. I've been completely down and out and trying to accept that my W wasn't coming back but she did, twice!
Yes I honestly do believe that but she is far, far away now. On Sunday it was as if I had committed war crimes for the past 25 years of our marriage. She claimed she was never in love with me once. I wouldn't wish that conversation on my worst enemy. I did my very best to sit there and listen and not plead or argue or break down.
I had to remind myself over and over that its not really her talking. She is so engrossed in this affair and the fog that nothing is normal to her. It is like my 46yo wife has regressed into being an adolescent and showing many traits of an addict.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
I had to remind myself over and over that its not really her talking. She is so engrossed in this affair and the fog that nothing is normal to her. It is like my 46yo wife has regressed into being an adolescent and showing many traits of an addict.
Not really.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Absolutely anything can happen in these situations. I've been completely down and out and trying to accept that my W wasn't coming back but she did, twice!
Yes I honestly do believe that but she is far, far away now. On Sunday it was as if I had committed war crimes for the past 25 years of our marriage. She claimed she was never in love with me once. I wouldn't wish that conversation on my worst enemy. I did my very best to sit there and listen and not plead or argue or break down.
I had to remind myself over and over that its not really her talking. She is so engrossed in this affair and the fog that nothing is normal to her. It is like my 46yo wife has regressed into being an adolescent and showing many traits of an addict.
Sounds familiar to me.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
I had to remind myself over and over that its not really her talking. She is so engrossed in this affair and the fog that nothing is normal to her. It is like my 46yo wife has regressed into being an adolescent and showing many traits of an addict.
I've had some time to mull this one over. One thing that you must remember is that people change. And, when people want out for reasons we can't identify or maybe to satisfy our own weak thinking, we tend to make up things for an explanation - hence the terms alien or fog or whatever. The elephant in the room that no one discusses is that an affair isn't the result of some afterthought...they just don't happen overnight. Just like the decision to leave a marriage doesn't happen over night, neither does an affair. At the same time, affairs can't be blamed on the affair partner...the partner didn't force them to sleep with them or whatever, it was a conscious decision. Think about that for a minute. It was a conscious decision.
So, for whatever reason, we for our own selfish reasons want a person like that back, knowing full well it may very well happen again. Then what? The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and make yourself the best you can be. Don't roll over or whatever. You need YOU.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Absolutely anything can happen in these situations. I've been completely down and out and trying to accept that my W wasn't coming back but she did, twice!
Yes I honestly do believe that but she is far, far away now. On Sunday it was as if I had committed war crimes for the past 25 years of our marriage. She claimed she was never in love with me once. I wouldn't wish that conversation on my worst enemy.
So what are your personal boundaries? your W is in a PA with another man, and she still gets to sleep in your marital bed? Why are you having ^^ these conversations to begin with?
I had to remind myself over and over that its not really her talking. She is so engrossed in this affair and the fog that nothing is normal to her. It is like my 46yo wife has regressed into being an adolescent and showing many traits of an addict.
I've had some time to mull this one over. One thing that you must remember is that people change. And, when people want out for reasons we can't identify or maybe to satisfy our own weak thinking, we tend to make up things for an explanation - hence the terms alien or fog or whatever. The elephant in the room that no one discusses is that an affair isn't the result of some afterthought...they just don't happen overnight. Just like the decision to leave a marriage doesn't happen over night, neither does an affair. At the same time, affairs can't be blamed on the affair partner...the partner didn't force them to sleep with them or whatever, it was a conscious decision. Think about that for a minute. It was a conscious decision.
So, for whatever reason, we for our own selfish reasons want a person like that back, knowing full well it may very well happen again. Then what? The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and make yourself the best you can be. Don't roll over or whatever. You need YOU.
Yes. I understand what you are saying. Although I contributed to the affair from an emotional standpoint, she was the one to take the physical steps. And yes I do get it that she has checked out a long time ago, years. She's made that clear to me.
I think when you are 25 plus years into a relationship and have 4 kids it takes a long time to detach and reach the point where you can just walk away. Although I am ambivalent about the marriage, I currently sway more to being willing to accept her back and try to reconcile. Although, there would need to be serious steps taken to end the A and have no contact, etc.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
