the bomb was dropped.....

[Dawgs]

Jeep74,
no not yet, but my uncle has one that Im considering asking if I can borrow been tough this morning, he has been sulking, literally in his tacos crying. attention? honestly I don't know what to do for him.

Just tell him its not your circus, not your monkey...

Seriously though, it sounds as if he needs to sort himself out. Best thing you can do? Just what you have been. We have been blessed (and cursed) with the ability to NOT see into the future, so we have to plan for it by building on the current. You are so far ahead of where I was at your stage.

[OwnIt]

Sunmoon, I kicked mine out in October because my kids asked me to. We had so much tension and drama in the house. I realize now that I didn't have to play my part in that. I didn't have to be hurt. I didn't have to be afraid. I didn't have to cry or wonder or care. I read a post Vanilla wrote about the picnic strategy. I should have done that. I should I have shown him to his face while he was still here how awesome I am and his kids are and our life is. Now he is 50 miles away and we do not communicate.

I think if you are able to follow your sister's guidance, you can drop your rope. You can live your life and let him see every day what an awesome person you are (and that comes across in your posts). You don't have to worry about what he thinks of you on any one of those days or moments. The one thing I realize more than anything right now, is that I allowed my life to be ruled by fear and fear stopped me from listening to my gut and doing what was best for me and my kids. I will never live in fear again. I accept his divorce. I accept that he is choosing a life different than the one I thought we would live. I accept that not all kids get to have wonderful, adoring fathers in their lives. I accept that my destiny and my happiness are within my control. You can do that too!

[Dawgs]

I accept that my destiny and my happiness are within my control. You can do that too!

OwnIt,

Both you and Sunmoon are awesome! So so so far ahead of where I was at ya'lls stages.

[OwnIt]

Thanks Jeep, I've learned much from you and those in line before you. If you haven't read SAL's post today do. This really wrapped up so much of what I have been feeling.

[Sunmoon]

I am so grateful for all of you. This forum has and is still helping me cope daily. I am a committed, loyal and honest person and so it is hard for me to accept what is being done to me. I have never stepped out of our marriage, I have always, always taken care of him. Sure, I have issues, I'm not the best wife all the time, and sometimes I know that I can be way out of line, but none of us are perfect. I feel I deserve so much more than what I am currently being treated like; And to know that treatment is coming from the one person I love the most- the one I share my secrets, insecurities, hopes and dreams, the physical me, the emotional me. It's such a feeling of betrayal. I still do have my moments every day where I break down, I feel like its all coming crashing down and I'm losing everything, and then I have my moments that I know I'm strong and will get through this. not to get too spiritual, but my belief is our lives are already predestined before we come to this earth- we choose what happens to us in order for us to learn a lesson, fulfill karma or grow spiritually. I can see where this whole mess is teaching me a lesson; how to let go and trust. how to be strong, how to stand up for myself, and how to learn to be happy with myself first. because, quite frankly, I lack all of those qualities at this point. I have always been looking outward for my happiness, and I have always let myself be a doormat, in every area of my life. childhood situations have made me distrust everyone in my life, however I have been seeking counseling for everything I just listed, and I have had many, many breakthroughs (go me!!)

[Dawgs]

Thanks Jeep, I've learned much from you and those in line before you. If you haven't read SAL's post today do. This really wrapped up so much of what I have been feeling.

And thank you. I read it. Good stuff!

[Dawgs]

am a committed, loyal and honest person and so it is hard for me to accept what is being done to me. I have never stepped out of our marriage, I have always, always taken care of him. Sure, I have issues, I'm not the best wife all the time, and sometimes I know that I can be way out of line, but none of us are perfect

I am/was, too. And that's one of the things that made it rather difficult to take. I never even considered it. Sad thing, I never was told a lot of things I should have been told. We all have issues. All of us!

I feel I deserve so much more than what I am currently being treated like

Yes. Yes you do.

however I have been seeking counseling for everything I just listed, and I have had many, many breakthroughs (go me!!

Good for you! Recognizing and seeking help are great steps in personal development and growth. I wish my ex had done that after her childhood trauma. I really do. I feel that we'd be in a much different and better place. But, it is what it is.

I'm so proud of you! I've said this many times before and will say it again, you are in a much better place than I was at your stage. Good on ya!

[Sunmoon]

Thanks Jeep. Today has been hard. not sure why. I haven't cried, but my brain wants to go back to panic mode, and my stomach is turning. last night I was fine. just not feeling it today...He is at counseling right now as we speak. He got up late, we exchanged 'good mornings' and a few minutes later I let him know I was taking off. he scanned me up and down and knew I wasn't dressed for work but he didn't ask where I was going. I went to pick up my longbow

It's really hard sleeping next to someone that you know doesn't love you anymore. I think I am just going to take the spare bedroom for a while. last two nights he has come home from work, showered and came right to bed, which is highly unusual for him. not sure what that is all about but I don't want to read into anything anymore. it is what it is, unfortunately. for his sake, I hope he can find happiness soon. whether it is with or without me. Although I want it to be with me, I know that it is highly possible this could all end soon. today I'm just hurting. Oy, I hate this! I keep thinking I didn't do anything bad enough that deserved all this; Like I'm being punished. I know deep down it's not the case. I guess another wave of emotions are starting to surface.

[Dawgs]

Today has been hard. not sure why. I haven't cried, but my brain wants to go back to panic mode, and my stomach is turning. last night I was fine. just not feeling it today...He is at counseling right now as we speak. He got up late, we exchanged 'good mornings' and a few minutes later I let him know I was taking off. he scanned me up and down and knew I wasn't dressed for work but he didn't ask where I was going.

I know the feeling. I've been up and down so many times that it was worse than a roller coaster. His actions remind me so much of my ex's. From the time she left to move to her next duty station to divorce, 90% of our conversation when something like this: "S." That's it. Just an "S" for Skype. It numbed me so much that it got to the point of me not even caring to see her face on the screen when the kids talk. And that's where I am now. I just don't care anymore.

I went to pick up my longbow smile

Sweet! Let me know how you like it. Oh, I've extended the offer to join our band of misfits at TW and it still stands.

It's really hard sleeping next to someone that you know doesn't love you anymore

It is sucktastic. No other way to say it. But DO NOT leave the room and marital bed. He left the marriage, not you.

, I hate this! I keep thinking I didn't do anything bad enough that deserved all this; Like I'm being punished. I know deep down it's not the case. I guess another wave of emotions are starting to surface

No, no you didn't. None of us did. And you aren't being punished - not in the least bit, but I get what you are saying. It just plain is sucktastic that they choose to leave a good family. Sigh. It is what it is.

You'll find that over time the emotions will diminish. However, he - just like my ex - will always be a ghost locked somewhere away in your mind. They will never truly disappear, and neither will these emotions, no matter how much we want them to. There will always be something that will kick it off - not as bad as now, but still there. Me? Even though I'm divorced and this marriage isn't returning, there are little things that will flood the memories back. It's all in how we process and compartmentalize.

[Sunmoon]

Jeep, sorry I guess I never caught your offer - what is TW? and where do I go to find it? sorry Im still trying to learn all these abbreviations...lol