Looking for a miracle.

[bttrfly]

it's 2am and I'm exhausted so i will write more after sleep and reflection. in the meantime {{{{{{{hugs irish xoxoxo}}}}}}}

[roist]

That must be a head wrecking exchange.

Your anger and frustration showed in your replies to he. Understandable but will probably not help any of ye. I believe at times we need to hit back with some home truths. That being said if you cannot reply without anger/emotion I suggest you wait 24 hours to reply. Even consider not replying.

Your W is not feeling good at the moment. That shows. She is all over the place. Accept this and leave her to it. She isn't capable of doing what it takes to reconnect with the girls YET.

I would not assume she was manipulating with regards to her contact. Her pain is making her see things differently to you. Don't forget she is also coming to terms with losing her dad. It may not be within the week but he is being treated to be comfortable not cured. I went through that a few years ago. It is tough. I'm just saying that she has a lot on her plate. Be compassionate. By that I mean feel empathy, but ultimately these are her issues to deal with. Give her space and time.

Maybe the death of her dad will have an affect on her where she re evsluates her thinking. That can be a catalyst that ends some mlc. Regardless I fear she may not be capable to reconnect with the girls before dealing with the loss of her dad.

I am glad her sister reached out to you. That was nice. I do hope the girls go to see their granddad.

Best wishes

[Irish M]

Hi Bttrfly,
2am :-) you are burning the candle late.

Hi Roist
Her father was diagnosed with terminal cancer 3 months before BD.
Was given 3-6 months to live. She has been dealing with his upcoming death for quite a while.

I will be given her lots of time. No plan to contact her anytime soon.

Yes I will make plans to see her dad. The girls want to as well. I'm glad. They don't need that regret to haunt them later in life.

[job]

Irish,

I think you are very wise not to contact her again. You've given her the thumb drive, so now it's up to her to build a relationship w/her daughters.

She's dealing w/a lot on her plate at the moment...however, stating what she did about her father was manipulation on her part. She is still looking for that illusive key to unlock the door for her to have a relationship w/you and the girls...but she's going about it the wrong way. Unfortunately, by stating what she did about her father will not gain trust w/you if he's doing fairly well at the moment. She is feeling sorry for herself and is looking for empathy and yes, even sympathy. I know I may sound harsh in this...but she's got to bottom out.

I'm so sorry she's still "out there". I'm glad you are going to go see your father-in-law and the girls want to go to. At least you can visit w/him and actually see where he is in his health crisis for yourself. No one knows who the man upstairs will call us home and who knows your visit may just cheer him up a bit.

[bttrfly]

i don't know Job, she could be like my exh who takes a kernel of truth and turns it into the most negative thing imaginable, and truly believes what he says.

scrambled MLC brains, either way. You and the girls deserve better Irish. xoxoxo

(p.s. son was up sick so, unpleasant night)

[job]

bttrfly,

It's hard to say what she was thinking. She may have been trying to play Irish like a fiddle or she could have taken that kernel of truth and turned it into something else. There's just no telling when it comes to the MLC brain waves. Either way, it may have back fired on her and makes her look untrustworthy and manipulative to Irish and the girls.

It's such a shame how this turned out last evening.

[bttrfly]

Job I completely agree, although something good did come of it, as Irish and the girls will see her father before the end xo

[job]

Bttrfly...that's the only good thing that came out of the exchange in the last 24-48 hours. It's difficult dealing w/the MLCers and they off the wall behaviors.

Irish has done an a great job of being a father to his two girls, while dealing w/this stuff. I just hope and pray she hits bottom and starts getting her act together.

[Brubeck]

Irish -

Caught up with your sitch before bed last night but didn't reply because I felt my response was harsh. I wanted to see what others said. I read what bttrfly and job said and I agree.

Her email is all over the place. It's pleading but also dismissive and with conditions. There's no heavy lifting on her part. It's an olive branch without leaves. No contact is the continued way to go.

At least the girls with see their grandfather. Great stroke of fortune that her sister reached out to you.

[Sotto]

Hi Irish, gosh that's a bit of a whirlwind for you all. I read her note to your girls as saying:

You need to get over this
My life has changed (OM) and you need to accept this
I don't expect to be shouted at

I can see why your girls may not respond well to that.

Fwiw, I think she is creating a fair amount of drama - and I also agree with Roist & think you may want to step back before replying. Why get caught up in her drama?

She is dealing with a lot with her Dad, and doesn't have great coping skills either - that's a shame. Plus her clumsy attempts to reconnect with her daughters...

I would offer less to her, and practice compassion in your (brief) replies too. Maybe post here and await a reply before responding?

Glad you all had a good weekend and the parade went well 😃