WAW and the Big D

[Bdog37]

Journaling/venting

Wow, another crazy week in my life. Saw my L on Friday and he, once again, reassured me that many of her requests won't hold up in court. However, he also advised me that the judges in my county are not "black and white" so they could rule against me in regards to some things. The major concerns of mine are something that I will fight for and I believe I chose the right L to do just that. If he is as half as good in the courtroom as he is in our meetings then I should be ok.

With that being said, I am sadden once again in regards to the STBEW's actions towards our kids. She has proven time and time again that her desire for freedom is more important then time with them and being a mother. Not even sure how someone comes to such a decision, but this latest event over the weekend has strengthened my case to get my kids more then I already do. I would never keep them away from her, but if its her freedom that she wants so bad then I will be more than willing to give it to her. My girls are the most important thing in my life right now....not my freedom.

This woman that she has become makes me sick and I can't find any love for her anymore. She came over on Sat to get some more belongings out of the house and I couldn't stand her presence. I now find myself wishing more and more that I never have to see or deal with her for the rest of my life. I don't even look back on all the good times we shared anymore. I haven't felt sadness for loosing her in quite sometime now and I really just wish she would leave me alone and stop texting me all the time.

I'm pretty sure the only reason I have reached this point is because I see who she has become. Maybe this was the woman I married and I was blinded by love the entire time?? Maybe in those 16 years together she has changed and her views on M have also change. Regardless, I know that I didn't deserve what she did to me and I am better than that. I know that I have no desire to be with this woman, whoever she is, and that there are many out there that will value who I am more than she ever could.

[Dawgs]

With that being said, I am sadden once again in regards to the STBEW's actions towards our kids. She has proven time and time again that her desire for freedom is more important then time with them and being a mother. Not even sure how someone comes to such a decision, but this latest event over the weekend has strengthened my case to get my kids more then I already do. I would never keep them away from her, but if its her freedom that she wants so bad then I will be more than willing to give it to her. My girls are the most important thing in my life right now....not my freedom.

Isn't that the truth. I often wonder how the ex can only be content with having them two nights a month. Stupid is as stupid does. A few weeks ago instead of skyping like we try to do, she called from a restaurant...on a date...and talked maybe 10 minutes. Ugh. The anger is over the treatment of the kids. Zero f**ks given about her.

Document everything you can to have the strongest case possible. Do whatever you have to do to get it. You won't regret it.

This woman that she has become makes me sick and I can't find any love for her anymore. She came over on Sat to get some more belongings out of the house and I couldn't stand her presence. I now find myself wishing more and more that I never have to see or deal with her for the rest of my life. I don't even look back on all the good times we shared anymore. I haven't felt sadness for loosing her in quite sometime now and I really just wish she would leave me alone and stop texting me all the time.

Bingo. Me, too. Me, too.

[Bdog37]

Isn't that the truth. I often wonder how the ex can only be content with having them two nights a month. Stupid is as stupid does. A few weeks ago instead of skyping like we try to do, she called from a restaurant...on a date...and talked maybe 10 minutes. Ugh. The anger is over the treatment of the kids. Zero f**ks given about her.

Document everything you can to have the strongest case possible. Do whatever you have to do to get it. You won't regret it.

Oh man, sorry to hear that. And I thought mine was the worst out there. Try this one on....she celebrated my oldest D's bday and brought the OM the entire bday cake. Wouldn't let my girls have any....wtf!! She also dropped them off at my house after their party. I already celebrated her bday the week prior and this wasn't my scheduled weekend with them, but I was more then willing to change my schedule to have them stay at my house. She had a BBQ to go to at OM's house that was more important. Don't care what she does to me anymore. Just breaks my heart for them now. She parties like she's 21 again and barely spends time with them.

Don't worry... I have been documenting all of this. I have a calendar that I have been keeping since November. L has seen all the evidence. Just a damn shame for the kids, you know.

[25yearsmlc]

As horrible & absent as the WAS can be as a parent, detaching is so crucial, so there's a lot to be said for seeing this as a "parade" of fools.

Sit down out of the way, eat your popcorn & watch the parade go by...But do your best to protect your kids.

When my h left for "up the road" (300 miles) & then to "check out" Alaska,
he wrote a letter to me saying how much he loved & missed "OUR" kids (pointing out that they were not just my children... ) um, okay...

Anyhow, he wrote that he missed me and our family & thought about us "every day." Like it had all "just happened" and wasn't caused by his unilateral choices, and as if it had happened to HIM, more than anyone else...

Honestly, you'd think he was drafted into combat...

[Dawgs]

"
Oh man, sorry to hear that. And I thought mine was the worst out there. Try this one on....she celebrated my oldest D's bday and brought the OM the entire bday cake. Wouldn't let my girls have any....wtf!! She also dropped them off at my house after their party. I already celebrated her bday the week prior and this wasn't my scheduled weekend with them, but I was more then willing to change my schedule to have them stay at my house. She had a BBQ to go to at OM's house that was more important. Don't care what she does to me anymore. Just breaks my heart for them now. She parties like she's 21 again and barely spends time with them. "

Good grief, that is truly sucktastic, man. Mine wasn't as bad, but get this - know the pics that the OMs wife sent me? Well, one of them was of my ex performing oral sex on him...and guess what the date on it was? Our freaking anniversary...

I'm sorry you are going through that, man. I'm here if you'd like to talk...

[Bdog37]

As horrible & absent as the WAS can be as a parent, detaching is so crucial, so there's a lot to be said for seeing this as a "parade" of fools.

Sit down out of the way, eat your popcorn & watch the parade go by...But do your best to protect your kids.

Hey 25yearsmic,

I agree, but sometimes its difficult to just sit by and watch what she is doing to our children. She desires a free life full of partying, staying out late, and no responsibilities. This is a life that I gave up when we had our first born and a life that I look back at and don't miss anymore. She does.

How do you tell your kids that their mother/father don't want to spend time with them? I chose not to bring up any questions in regards to the bday situation. Just asked my oldest if she had fun. As much as it hurts, I know my oldest is smart enough to realize who is present in her life right now. She doesn't speak about the situation, but does complain that she wants to stay with me and not her mom. As good as this feels I am still sadden by her loss more than mine. I can deal with loosing my wife, but I don't know how to comfort a child that "lost" their parent. The ex is going out of town this week and will only see her kids twice and only for a few hours. As a father I could never do this. The days I do not have my children are the hardest days for me. Sitting in a quiet house that used to be filled with laughter and joy... How can any parent value their time alone more than their time with their kids? This is just a concept to me that I don't understand.

How did you deal with your WAS in regards to the children?

[Bdog37]

Good grief, that is truly sucktastic, man. Mine wasn't as bad, but get this - know the pics that the OMs wife sent me? Well, one of them was of my ex performing oral sex on him...and guess what the date on it was? Our freaking anniversary...

Wow.... There are just no words for that. My ex was cheating on me around my bday (which happens to be on Christmas), but at least it wasn't on the actual day. Sure it would have been if she didn't have any family obligations. I asked for the details of the A and I eventually got them. For some reason I felt that I needed to know, but looking back now I probably could have gone without all that information. What about you? If you could go back would you say that you didn't need to see the pics or learn details like that?

Still, everything that she has done to me is meaningless. I'm done with her and would never want this woman back. I have zero f**** to give her anymore, but the constant absence in the kids lives is something that breaks my heart. I know you have to deal with this as well, being that your ex only see's your kids a couple times a month, so how do you handle this situation?

Right now, I don't bring anything negative up about their mom in front of them. My oldest doesn't say anything about it either until it is time to leave my house and go spend time with her mom. She throws a fit and refuses to get ready. So tough watching them go when I have them 5 out of 7 days a week....

[leahsue]

Hi Sal,
So sorry to hear how your ex is handling her mothering/lack of skills. You are so right- heartbreaking to watch their hearts break right in front of your eyes. I just wanted to offer a bit of encouragement though~ what I see in your posts are snapshots of a loving, attentive, involved stable parent that is providing a lighthouse of sorts for your kids. How BLESSED they are to have you as their parent! Don't lose sight of the huge opportunity you have been given (and I'm deliberately wording it that way, although it may not seem like a positive things right now, but I believe looking back years from now, this is what the kids will see~ you standing tall and proud for them). You hang in there!

[Dawgs]

No, I wouldn't have wanted to know all of those details. I had to see them in order to send them to my lawyer - and also have them for JAG. The OMs wife sent them in a bunch of emails/texts. And don't worry, everything is kept nice and neat and tucked away, just in case...

Now you see why my view of cheaters is what it is. Lowest form there is. What I can't get is why people want them back after such. Maybe our own selfish reasons need to be examined...

[Bdog37]

Thank you leahsue!

Part of me wants to go for full custody because of all this, but the other part of me doesn't want to take them away from her. My family thinks I need to. I should have seen the writing on the wall during our M. My ex was someone who would go out every weekend while I stayed at home with the kids. It became a joke, in some ways, with family and friends when they would ask me what I was doing on the weekend. Many thought I should have put my foot down then, but you can't force someone to be a parent. They either want to or don't. She told me that one of the biggest reasons for wanting a D was that I didn't spend enough time with her and the kids. Looking back now, I know this is bs because anyone who knows me personally would say that I was the one spending the most time with our children. I believe the real reason of her wanting a D is possibly a MLC or just the fact that she got a taste of her freedom and loves it more then the life of a mother/wife.

Either way the kids will have me there for them and I appreciate your words of encouragement.