My Wife and I spoke about and negotiated a separation agreement for many weeks - all the time she spent nearly every night with OM. We finally settled on a signed 6 month separation agreement (without lawyers). This was signed 3 weeks ago. I agreed to allow her Mom to remain here for up till the end of June at the latest so I still see my Wife most days because she taxis her Mom to her jobs although she's living with OM full time and buying furniture etc.
Meanwhile, I've continued to GAL mainly with some swimming, tennis and hiking - not much socializing (thats more of an effort for me).
It does seem that true to the DB principles the 'intoxication or infatuation' phase is wearing off a bit in that I've gleaned some negative comments from her Mother who she tells nearly everything. However, our relationship is not improving. She has some anger towards me for various marital reasons and she's cross that I had lost interest in our marriage towards the end and that was a major reason for the affair happening. I'm also noticing my feelings are changing. I'm not sure if it just has to do with reality setting in or it's the fact that I could justify/forgive her behavior because of brain chemicals and her not being in a normal state of mind but now that the brain chemistry is dying down I'm battling to understand why she is continuing the relationship. It looks like she is in no-mans land now with being unhappy with both me and her new guy. She also has the additional complication of sending her Mom back overseas (she was living with us for 5 years) or moving her in with the new guy temporarily.
My feelings are also vacillating with a part of me wanting to investigate more of this new lifestyle of mine without her and a part of me upset that she continues to be with him.
A couple of months ago I had an idealized notion that we could both learn from this, forgive and get back together and take our relationship to a higher level. Now, I'm seeing and feeling the emotional messiness of it all and am no longer optimistic. I'm thinking that this is all part of her mid-life crisis with a lot of psychological issues that have to be processed/healed and it could take years to get to the other side of this mess.
