Looking for a miracle.

[Irish M]

Hi Bttrfly, Peace and HaWho
:-)

Well I had an amazing St-Pats weekend. One of the best I've had in a long long time. It continues this weekend with a smaller more local parade in which I am participating in with my girls. They are calling for 30degrees so quite chilly. I will have the jeep roof off so the girls can stand up in the back and I'll have the doors off. Heat full blast and plenty of hot chocolate.

As for my XW. Nothing from her since last week and no letters. I started copyin files, photos and family home movies to an external memory card but have stopped. Looking at them was tough. When I even look back a few months before BD. She either had us all fooled or is completely someone I don't know.

I guess I'm not ready for memory lane. Will continue that project at another date.

Hope you are all well

Irish 🍀

[roist]

Yes looking at those images must have been tough. Don't continue if it affects you too much. Looking after you is priority.

Maybe you could copy folders without opening them. Regardless I would still drop over what you did manage to do.

Ah . The Irish do tend to drag out a good party! Enjoy your second Saint Patricks weekend!!


Enjoy the lapse in communication.

Best wishes

[bttrfly]

oh mon ami je comprends! I just had a data transfer from my old laptop to a new external hard drive - what a trip down the lane I didn't need!!! Shark eyes when you blow up the photos as far back as 2012.

Oh if I knew then what I know now! ! Would I have been able to change the outcome? I don't think so, because it's not about us, is it? It's about them. Glad you are taking a break from that .

So happy your weekend was a blast! Was thinking of you and sending warm thoughts up North. Could you tell, lol?

And a second St. Pat's weekend? What an embarrassment of riches! Bet the girls are looking forward to it! These are the memories they will cherish as adults. Dad driving them in the parade, hot chocolate at the ready. You are such a great father to them. I'm so glad they have you - well, I'm so glad you all have each other!!!

Guess I will have to continue sending warming thoughts up North for this coming weekend also! Take care mon ami xoxoxoxo {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

[Irish M]

Hi Roist
I took that advice and just copied the folders to a memory stick. No clue what pictures are there, duplicates or photos of me.
Let her clean it up and keep what she wants. I still have it since she has gone dark. No letter to the girls and no messages.
When she pops her head out again I'll drop it off in the mailbox of her work then. I don`t want to upset any process she is going though prematurely. figure she has a lot to think about because of our last communications we had.


with that said. I just received an email. lol speak of the devil.

I`ll read it later. No rush

As for us Irish. yes we stretch it out as far as we can. Was a very successful parade yesterday. The girls had blast.

Hi Bttrfly (((xx hugs xx)))
memory lane.. yes a tough one. I`ll avoid that trip for a while still. transfer of files is complete. I`ll read her email and if she asks for it I will send it along.

The Parade
It was amazing. Girls and I were part of the horse ranch group where they go riding. Promoting riding lessons. I bought them Irish cowboy hats and flags. They looked amazing. I had the jeep top off. doors off , decorated to the max. They were standing up in the back. Jumping in and out to hand out flyers. My 3rd Daughter joined in. She is not my biological daughter but she calls me dad.
Her dad is a 2 hour a week deal.

XW work was part of the photographers on site. Snapping away picks of the whole parade. XW was nowhere to be seen. Good thing.

My Facebook got bombarded of pics of us from friend and family. It was nice to get all the great feedback. The girls were happy and I was glowing.

so I will update you all on the current message. 10 day break from it all was nice.

[123Gwen]

Hi Irish - just thought I'd take a peek and I stumbled over your thread. I always felt a kinship with us each having 2 girls and an "MLC ghost" for their other parent.

Nothing has changed in our world. H lives with OW across the country. Has sent my girls a few texts. Oldest daughter replies sporatically. Youngest does not.

He has not reached out to ask for my help or advice. In some ways I think that would have to happen if he really desired a relationship with them. Not obstructing or commenting just staying out of it. It is getting a bit easier. The more time passes the more the girls and I have erased his place at the family table.

We've painted walls, rearranged things and have created a life for our family of three. It was the only way to breathe - creating a new environment. The dog died so we got two cats. The holidays approached and we invented new rituals. We've held on to just a bit of the past to keep us upright and breathing. We have packed a lot away so it won't become an anchor that drowns us all.

Sending you prayers for peace, wisdom and patience. I have no doubt your girls will be able to face their mom in their own way because they have you. Your thoughtful restraint has served you well.

It takes a LONG time - no matter how your XW behaves. In the end your XW remains your family. I never thought I'd have to accept this kind of treatment from someone who was so close - it isn't as if she is the quirky Aunt. She might not sit at the table but you always know that for your girls you'd have to make room and welcome them if they really want to be there.

Sorry to hijack. It is good to see you are the same guy trying to move forward in the best way possible. That takes courage and a lot of love. Send you the best.

[Irish M]

He has not reached out to ask for my help or advice. In some ways I think that would have to happen if he really desired a relationship with them. Not obstructing or commenting just staying out of it. It is getting a bit easier. The more time passes the more the girls and I have erased his place at the family table.

Hi Gwen, you can hijack my post any time you wish. We are all here for shared information and guidance.

We too feel XW (their mom) slowly is being erased. It's sad that they can go weeks without mentioning anything about her. They only bring her up when she pops her head out to see if her shadow will scare her back into her hole. I'm so gald you and your girls are doing good and healing as you go. Repainting and decorating is a must. Fresh look and it helps them claim more into their home. Your XH is missing out.

It takes a LONG time - no matter how your XW behaves. In the end your XW remains your family.

Yes, it will take quite some time for all of us. No fast forward and I don't want a half baked cookie anyway. Can I say cookie or is that degrading. I'll say cake. I don't want a half baked cake.
She is family and I'll treat her as such. I do have distant relatives that I am nice to but I wont make an effort to see them.

So yesterday as I was writing here about my XW being dark, I get this small message from her.

Hi Irish!! I got an email from D14 teacher. It says D14 did not hand in an assignment on friday and will be penalized 25%??? Do you know about this. I received it Friday!

hi,
Yes I know about it and all is good,. D14 missed Friday because she wasn't feeling well. She handed the project in Monday morning and her teacher said no penalty. The email was a to all email. D14 had a justified excuse, their are other kids who showed up Friday empty handed. The penalty will be for them.

no reply after that. It was after 5 pm when i replied so I am still in the 9-4 time slot of communication.

Tuesday (today)


Hi,How are the girls? I bet they are excited for Easter!!! They love Egg hunts!!!:-)

OK the girls loved egg hunts when they were 3 - 12 years of age. They are teens. Sure they like it but they just want the chocolate, no work to get it loll.

I guess what they say is true. MLC'r will see children as infants still and treat them as such.

Also I saw D14 in a parade photo via my work. There's a video but I am unable to view it.

Her photographer that was on site took pictures and also filmed the entire parade. I viewed the video as her marketing team posted it on the city's webpage. We were clearly seen and even zoomed into the jeep, myself and the girls.

They must have had a great time at the Parade. Do you have those pictures and home videos. Memories.

I took some time to answer but did answer before noon.

Yes the girls are doing great. We had a blast at the parade. As for the photo and movie files. I've been quite busy these last 2 weeks with St-Pats festivities I didn't have time. I'll get it done soon. I wanted to clean it up and delete duplicates and pics of me but I'll need some more time. take care.

no reply, so maybe my theory is wrong about her only messaging during work hours away from OM.

I'll keep you all posted. Positives are: Asking about the girls, inquiring about D14 studies and still wanting to look at memory lane.

[bttrfly]

here's to fully baked cakes.

yes, they think the rest of us went into freeze mode when they left.

glad you had fun! xoxo

[roist]

You could "accidentally" slip in a folder or two of some super events/experiences that she missed out on over the last two years.

Just a tip about your reply. I would have left out the line " I wanted to ....."
You don't have to explain anything to W. You hadn't time. There ate many good reasons not to explain decisions. Most successful people make a decision and rarely justify it. I could explain this better but it is not overly important, just a thought I had when reading.

Best wishes

[peacetoday]

Irish

Yes it is good that she issuing about girls and even -yes acted like a mom inquiring about the homework issue

and yes funny how they wake up as if the girls are still younger as when when the crises first started- time stands still for them


have a good Wednesday!

[Irish M]

Hi Bttrfly, Roist and Peace :-)

Bttrfly and Peace, Yes i see that she thinks the girls are still how she left them. even younger , their egg hunt stopped while XW was still here.

Roist, funny you said that. I was going to put in a few new pics of the girls but decided against it.

I quickly completed the Memory stick and drove to her work. Placed it in an envelop to her attention and drove off.

When I got home XW was in a mood to chat. plenty of messages about how busy work is, that she will be seeing her dad this weekend and how she was happy to hear about my busy St-pats weekends.

Wait a minute.. hear about my weekends??? I asked her to explain.

I have my ways Irish. Facebook is a open window if you know the right people.

I remained calm. Went to my Facebook to ensure my settings were set to private. They were. so I still have a spy feeding her info. Lovely.

Well I wish you a good night, the memory stick is dropped off at your work, hope your dad is good. Say Hi to him for me, even thought I don't hear from him. Take care.

Thank you so much for the memory stick. Since you mentioned my dad, He is not well. maybe one week left of his life. And how dare you say that you don't hear from him. You keep our kids away from him, I can;t say hi to him he is deaf now.
He will die in a week. Don't you understand that. Don't ever talk to me again.... EVER...

I read this and i'm like ... wtf.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I didn't know. We did see him in the beginning when you left but it was hard on him and the girls. I continued to call him until one day I said, If I stop calling , will he contact me. I tried it and he disappeared. No XMas card or nothing. So, don't blame me. You broke the relationship between them for what it was worth. You can blame whoever you want but the girls and I are not part of it. And where is the letter you promised them?


After that she went silent. I know I vented a bit much. Defensive I know.

The girls were upstairs and I couldn't hide my frustration. I told them briefly about their grandfather. His last week . On deaths bed.
They were sad and at the same time mad at their mom. They are not taking any blame in this , I am so happy for that.

I went to bed thinking about XW dad. It's sad. Not right that the girls won't see him one last time. The funeral they said they won't go. I haven't cried in a while but last night was tough.

This morning I'm at work. Email comes in.

Irish...I cried all last night... ok maybe you misunderstood me. But I don't need to be talked to like that. I am not dirt or a piece of shiate. The letter is in your mailbox. I doubt the girls will even read it. wasted my time. I've said I was sorry. You will never forgive me.

A simple sorry is not enough. You downplay what happened, you show no empathy to what the girls have gone through. No real effort to reconnect with them.
You have your memory stick. I owe you nothing now.
As for treating you like a piece of shiate or dirt . I never said those words If you see yourself as that please don't make it sound like it came from me. nothing more to say.

so I get home tonight. Girls are already home form school.I get the letter and put it aside. We have diner, watch the flash episode from last night and I tell them. Girls your mother has written a letter. Your choice to read it or not. I am going in my office to finish up some work.

During that time I get a text message from her sister.

Irish. I don't know what my sister told you but. My dad is doing fine. His Chemo is complete. He decided not to continue it. He is on medication to end his days comfortably. He doesn't have only a week. He is up and about. Actually we went shopping with him today. We think about you and the girls often. You are in our hearts and if you want to write back I will be happy to talk to you. Tell the girls not to worry about their grandfather. xx


after reading that.. and in shock for what my XW told me. only to make me feel sorry for her. incredible. I go right to the girls and share this message. they are relieved and even open to going to visit with him.

The girls however have disgust in their faces about the letter. I told them its theirs and I don;t need to know whats in it. D14 is laughing. D16 says she never should of opened it and just put return to sender.

it goes like this .

Hi girls , I don't know what to say its been so long. You have the right to be mad at me but if we want to move forward you need to get over it. I can't say things here, it is better face to face. All i can say is. If you want a mother or a friend I am here. You know how to reach me. I can't promise you that life will be the same.

If we do see each other, I ask you one thing. It has to be with respect. You are not to yell at me or call me names.

it's your move.
i love you lots.

So I am at a loss. The letter was written on graph paper, double spaced.
No remorse, no sorry , no feeling. It was more of let it go, respect me and it's up to you to fix it.


She is clearly not where I thought she was. Or simply her messages over the last few weeks were simply playing me.

I think I'll go walk my dog then a nice cup of green tea and play some PS4