I haven't posted in Newcombers much recently as my very high conflict D has left me very low. I like to read all of the threads before I post as otherwise my posts are skewed.
Recently I have been involved with a divorce group centred around distress abuse and control, there are many wonderful dads and husbands in that group.
So, in some sitches where D is started then great L advice is needed, I think yours is one of these. If your L is advising action then follow that advice. Please ensure you look at joint custody, ensure that you have a good home where your boys can come stay with you. Be aware that you may not be able to co parent with WW that it may be you have to parallel parent. Obtain great provisional custody orders as detailed as possible. At all times say cool and stum. Keep your buttons out of reach and don't run down the mother of your children in any way. This is a very crucial time and how you act and think will set the future.
Being this way is very strong and masculine.
You are to look after you and your boys, these precious children need you as the calmer and non wayward parent to be stable and secure. I can see you love your boys and that is a tremendous pleasure and delight to read. For me that shows your priorities and thinking are excellent. I really like this in your sitch and whilst I don't know you I can see this in the writing you have.
Your sitch is well beyond LRT, which is a technique I think is best with an in house sitch. You have GAL which is about growing stronger for yourself and having much to give. For most of us dating is a mistake, a distraction from pain in which we use another to remove pain, without growth then we are taking the problems of an old R into a new one.
Divorce won't mean the end, there are many reconciliations during and after, although it means a new R where you both are healed.
I can see Bippy has given you some great solid advice and doodler (when not skinny dipping) is very practical.
I have the habit of 'adopting' a newbie and I am sad to tell you that means I may keep dropping in on you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you for your response vanilla. Im sorry ur in high conflict. I did have typo in earlier post, i have one son, one daughter, not sure why i made it plural on my son. I asked my IC if she knew of any divorcing/single dads groups. She did not. That would be nice, be able to vent and hangout with people going through similar sitchs without the risk of attraction. None of my social circle have gone this far down the rabbit hole, they all wonder why im still on this path of hope and have waned in their availability for support, even my close family. I truly have been feeling very alone and unsupported in this. I do think i made some huge breaktrhoughs on seeing how my actions may have given my wife her reasons to end the marriage, granted i do believe she was looking for justifications, and i handed them right over in the beginning, because i truly felt she would have at least given our marriage a shot. Im not sure if ur advising me to file for S or D at all. And if i did im not sure what my motivations would be, file for freedom, file for protection, file as a 2x4 for her... Or even the reasons i havent filed, putting it on her, out of pure dedication to our relationship, stubborness, fear??? I still beleive in my marriage, i believe in my wife being a good person, and i believe shes caught in a fog. So i sit in limbo not sure where to go or even if i can. I swear all of this is turning me batty
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
So a few weeks ago MIL told me OM divorce was all figured out and that he and his wife were just waiting for their 120days for the final hearing. Well i decided to look into it. Not only is it not true, but nothing has even been filed on that side either. Should i inform MIL of this i feel either OM is lying to MIL, or my wife, or my wife is lying to MIL. Or MIL lied to me, Not sure why MIL would lie but who knows, she doesnt condone, but activily participates.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Well today i received official notice that my wife E-filed for divorce 2 days ago, looked it up. Then looked up OM, his divorce was joint filed yesterday. Im not even sure what the e-file means, gotta wait for my lawyers response to my email. But my anxiety just jumped a few notches. I really want someone to turn to for some comfort and support. Obviously i cant reach out to the one i love.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Last night i get a text from my wife. "I dont want to live in an apartment for much longer. Will you sign a release so i can get on a mortgage?" Im thinking she has totally lost it. I havent even been served. She hasnt stayed in one spot past 2 months since she left. I never responded because im not sure how to. Shes been a cold hearted b###h for 6 months but wants me to do her this favor.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Last night i get a text from my wife. "I dont want to live in an apartment for much longer. Will you sign a release so i can get on a mortgage?" Im thinking she has totally lost it. I havent even been served. She hasnt stayed in one spot past 2 months since she left. I never responded because im not sure how to. Shes been a cold hearted b###h for 6 months but wants me to do her this favor.
So, who is paying now?
Where she stays shouldn't concern you. Don't be like a dog chasing cars. Just let it be.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Im paying the mortgage of the house "we" currently own since i stayed and she left. In my state, your spouse has to sign to take out a mortgage. And as ling as her name is on mine, it counts against her debt to income ratio. Im not sure what she meant by a release. Regardless that stuff is what my lawyer is for. And she can stay unhappy at an apartment until we have a decree!
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Im paying the mortgage of the house "we" currently own since i stayed and she left. In my state, your spouse has to sign to take out a mortgage. And as ling as her name is on mine, it counts against her debt to income ratio. Im not sure what she meant by a release. Regardless that stuff is what my lawyer is for. And she can stay unhappy at an apartment until we have a decree!
Your lawyer will know better, but I wonder if she wants out and is released from the mortgage, then if that relinquishes her rights to half of the house as marital assets. You may want to find that out, otherwise if it is still considered marital property, then you'll end up paying her...
Just some thoughts...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
My lawyer chuckled when i told him. He said dont agree to or sign anything unless he reviews it. My wife tried to get me to sign her prosay papers again, i didnt. And now when im done with work today i will be getting served officially. I feel like ive been through hell fought long n hard to no avail! The impending doom is killing me.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
