Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Can you guys give me reasons to cut my hair? why wouldn't you cut it?? You list reasons FOR cutting it...and you know It'll grow back My main reason is that it will make it a lot faster for me to get ready to go each day. I have also read that by far most women do not like long hair on a guy. The entire time I was with my wife I had long hair, but she did show interest in me cutting it, although she was scared that she wouldn't like it. It will make me feel like I fit in better with other guys, perhaps. Some people view a man with long hair negatively, like he's shady or into drugs. Changing my appearance makes me perhaps seem more like a different person. Might make me appear more masculine and strong.
and it shows change, regardless of whether it's only external. Tell us about what you really fear would happen by cutting your hair?
What do you think keeping the same hair style & length for years, reveals about you?
My reasons for not cutting it are: I kind of like how it looks on me. I don't know what style I want to replace it with. Once it's cut, it takes a good while to grow back. I am afraid I'll regret it. I like how having long hair makes me feel unique and individualistic. Scared my wife won't like it. After all, she fell in love with me, with the same hair I have now. anything strike you about these^^^ comments? She fell in love with you while you had long hair, not because you had long hair. And she left that same guy...
do you want to be and look like the same guy she left? (OM is very different in appearance. He has short hair and is burly. then it seems long hair and thinness are not deal breakers OR deal makers...
Do you see value in exercise? Do YOU want to become a stronger man?
He's probably just playing her.
Stop this^^^. It's so counter productive - b/c it wastes your time on someone OTHER THAN YOU - and you are the only person here that you can help.
He's that sexy excitement I guess she has been missing, mostly due to my lack of paying attention to her needs and not making her feel special and cherished.
Yikes, you are again deflecting from the valid concerns and unmet needs of hers, which she communicated. All that she did not say or do was threaten you with divorce if you didn't change them. Her pain was not enough of an inducement for you to change anything at all, from what I can tell.
Now, below, you whine about how unfair she is to want out of the marriage. Can you tell us why she should stay? Not what you want or need, but what's in it for HER?
If you have nothing to offer her, change that. It's all up to you.
I think it's so unfair that such an innocent crime, based on ignorance and inexperience, has such a harsh penalty.)
do you WANT to be a powerless victim? B/c this^^ is the route there. Powerlessness and victimhood...
You remain static and unchanged, at your peril.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well said, 25, well said. We've going around this same horse for quite some time now. Love the way you worded it.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yikes, you are again deflecting from the valid concerns and unmet needs of hers, which she communicated. All that she did not say or do was threaten you with divorce if you didn't change them. Her pain was not enough of an inducement for you to change anything at all, from what I can tell.
25, you are a woman, so you might not be capable of understanding my perspective here. My wife probably shares your exact same perspective, which is likely why she can't forgive me, coupled with the fact that she has this fantasy replacement man. But as I have said a million times, I didn't understand that my wife was unhappy. I knew she had complaints and desires, but I didn't know how much she needed these things. She seemed happy to me. I am being completely honest when I say that. Why would I lie about that over an anonymous internet forum? I have said this probably from post 1. And it's hard to be motivated to make big changes to make someone happier who already seems happy. Please do not demonize me because of my lack of being able to understand her. I just saw her complaints as nagging. And from what I had seen, that is a very common theme in marriages for the wife to complain, and so I just thought it was normal and we were fine. I mean, how much can you blame me, when my wife wrote me an anniversary card 2 or 3 weeks before BD, telling me how glad she was to have me in her life and how she wanted to continue to grow with me for many years? (nothing on my end changed during those few weeks) She also made a public status update on Facebook telling me Happy Anniversary. I was still her favorite, and she loved me so, paraphrased. Her mantra is "fake it until you make it". Men have a hard enough time trying to understand women. We don't need you hide your feelings on top of it!
My mom divorced my dad when I was 3.5. I had one step father growing up, for a few years, and my mom divorced him. I didn't have much of a model for how to be happily married, especially how a husband is to act in a marriage. I was married to my wife for 7 years, and with her for 10. So, I thought I must be doing alright, for her to stay with me this long. I got very comfortable, relaxed, and complacent. I stopped asking her how happy she was, which was the Golden Tool of our relationship, without which, we would fall. And that's what happened. I forgot the importance of periodically asking her how happy she was, and I forgot how easy it was to lose her. When I knew she was unhappy, I was always quick to act, just like when she dropped the bomb. I did all kinds of things to be sweet to her and show my love for her, to try to convince her not to leave. When I knew I needed to do something for my wife, I did it. Now I know that when a woman says something, you have to listen. My dad told me that way back, and I didn't know how true it is, until now. Some lessons come so hard.
Please stop bashing me, 25. I didn't see her pain. I didn't get it for some reason. I don't know why. But from what I've read, it's a pretty common thing for men to be like that. They have to learn the creature that is the woman, but women usually give up before we have learned, or at the same time that we have learned. My relationship with my wife was my first 'real' relationship. Too bad that doesn't make a d4mn bit of difference to my wife, because she's driven by emotions, especially right now, in her wayward demon state. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I had no idea what my wife could turn into, and how quickly and easily she could. I ask myself multiple times a day how the heck she could do that -- go from love to hate so strongly and so quickly.
Yes, I made mistakes, but do they warrant my Christian wife having an affair with a Mormon guy at work, who has a wife and four kids (still were living with him, until about a week ago), leaving me for him, treating me like I was the devil after bomb drop, blaming me entirely for her leaving the marriage, as though it's also my fault that she had an affair (which she has never admitted, of course, but there is plenty of evidence), rushing to break things off with me, so that she could freely be with him, by quickly getting out of our house, getting her stuff out, and sending me separation papers? No second chance, despite a month of pleas. No warning about approaching the end of her rope. No ultimatum. Then she openly sees him, even at night at her house, while he's still living with his wife. She drops me like a ton of bricks. Goes from being all about me to being none about me. It seems that I could drop dead and she all of a sudden would have no care in this world. Makes no contact with me hardly, unless it's over business or to complain about something. Goes off and does things with this guy, along with having him over at night, before she and I have a signed separation agreement. I have no idea what he has on his end with his wife. My wife is a home-wrecker, and so is a--hole, but she's perhaps worse, because they have 4 kids. My wife and I were planning to start trying to have kids shortly before BD. I only mention their religions, because she looked into converting to Mormonism to be with this guy. Really? Who is worse? Me or her?
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
But I dont see anywhere where she has bashed your past actions. Yes, there was a discussion on porn, but it isnt necessarily about what you DID....its more about what you are DOING now.
Your posts are repeatedly focused on your wife's victimization of you. We would much rather see the ways in which you are taking YOUR life back.
I've never said this on here but it NEEDS to be said. You are either a very good troll and have everyone snowed, or you mental help - which is it?
Your attack on 25 was uncalled for. Period.
Why are you even here? You say everything is attacking, and if you truly believe that, then that speaks volumes. Did you behave this way with her? If so, then it's no wonder she left. Dude grow up.
No one has attacked you. Maybe we should. And get a hair cut.
I vote for troll.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I don't know, Jeep. I'm not trolling. I'm not trying to offend anyone. My last post toward 25 before the previous one was a post of great gratitude. I just don't understand why the subject keeps going to what I did wrong in the marriage, because I feel like I'm good on that subject. I mean, I'm going to continue learning in that area, but I feel like I'm good on that for right now.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Jeep, I went back to read my previous post towards 25. I don't see it as an attack against her. And I certainly didn't intend for it to be an attack. So, please no one take me as attacking anyone.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
What do you want us to tell you? How wrong SHE is? Okay, she should not have had an affair.
That was wrong. Now what?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
