Wow Rouky that is one screwed up man you were married to. You were a saint for trying to hold everything together in that situation. I suppose MWD would say that he is angry that things haven't turned out as expected in his new relationship. But who cares? It's his misery and hers. You really are the stable one in your picture. Since I am involved in my second divorce with a cheating spouse, I am starting to notice a pattern. The WAS appears to want to walk away at least partially from the children as well. I have learned that it is good strategy and important to the children to require that WAW remain committed to them and meet their obligations regarding parenting time and financial support. My ex complains bitterly of having to pay support but also commit more time to S than I do in spite of the fact that she moved 15 miles away and demanded that he go to school in her town. As I am sure you have discovered, it is the quality of our time together that really matters.
I hope you are having a great weekend Rouky, Mark
Agreed 100%
And really disturbing that many walkaways are capable of walking away from the kids. (More so when it's mom shotgun) that's the thing I just can't fathom.
Any insight about this ?
Any insight on what works to help the kids with this? I think we should have an additional section on the children, like we do for surviving divorce or midlife crisis.
You and I put ourselves down a lot regarding how we acted in our relationships. But there is a certain dynamic to our relationships that cause actions and reactions. Don't be hard on yourself. I really get the idea that your ex would be like this with any one.
Also, one of the worst things to read about on these forums is when people reconciled with their spouses, only to have to go through betrayal twice. Ugh. It's heart breaking and doesn't ever seem to get easier. Sometimes I think it's a blessing in disguise when they don't come back.
The best thing to do for the kids is just be there for them
Listen to them give them encouragement and lots of positive affirmations dont talk negative about the MLCer work your pain out in therapy dont bring it up to them let them know you are okay and you can handle it
This is what I found to work best My kids are fine today even without any contact from their dad They continue to do well in school and college and make great choices
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hey Rouky I learned something else about you when you spoke of your parents and your childhood. I'm very proud of you for breaking the cycle by making sure that your children feel loved. I have a very similar story about my childhood and I have dedicated my parenthood to making sure that a cycle is broken with my children. More food for thought I guess........
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Great idea JujuB. A section about children who suffer so mercilessly through all of this. My ex definitely walked away from our son. I think they are in a better spot now thankfully. His grades are good and that is a very important indicator. I let him decide when he wants to be with me and it has seemed to empower him. He starts drivers ed Monday and soon he will drive wherever he wants to. He is a low key kid and has a strong survival instinct so I don't worry too much about it. Mark
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Just quick update. Week been tougher than I thought with the anniversary. I really struggled everyday.
Still got some GAL in as going to the pictures and dancing. Had a great time dancing yesterday.
Today is Mothers Day in the U.K. Ex has taken kids to a theme park on that weekend and it's midday and I still haven't heard from my kids. Actions speak louder than words. Very tempted to send ex a text but it won't achieve anything and it will show him that his actions still wind me up, so I'm not going to give him this pleasure (180 for me)!
So instead I'm off for a walk in the forest and some cake afterwards. Got to enjoy the sunshine.
Happy Mother's Day to you (and to everyone else in the U.K.)!
Nice work on the 180, sorry you have to do it though. Maybe you can make an agreement down the road so it doesn't happen again. My decree agrees to w and I getting the kids for Mother's Day and Father's Day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
