Hi Westo. Yes the emotional spinning is really hard for me also. The very best thing you can do (and I know this isn't what you want to hear) is to focus solely on you - making yourself into the very best you possible. I can hear KML saying "Drop the rope or get dragged" ... I sense that while it feels like forever to you, it's not really all that much time in MLC world. He could be peeking out as they do from time to time, but that's a far cry from doing the work to heal this, right?
Your GD is a wonderful kind soul. How sweet of her to donate her hair! Just keep the focus on you Westo - you're wonderful and worth it!
sending {{{{{hugs}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thanks for dropping by. No news here, I'm still walking every day. I don't know how I'd cope if I didn't!
Bomb drop anniversary was a week yesterday, so that milestone has passed.
H is off FB again, but he was there for two weeks this time, a long time for him 🙄 He doesn't post anything when he is on there, I just think he noses.
GD is waiting on her certificate from the little princess trust for her plaits!
I have really learned a lot this past twelve months. I have learned not to be a fixer anymore and to love myself.
I have kept my self respect and dignity and shown my children to not give up on someone who is going through tough times.
I will NEVER beat myself up anymore thinking I am second best to H. I believe I and the rest of the family put him on such a pedestal, it became too much for him.
He was the love of my life, not anymore.....I am!
For Mothers Day I've asked the kids to buy me a bracelet (advertised on FB!) in silver with four infinity pendants with their and my Granchildrens names on.
Because, ultimately, apart from me, THEY are the love of my life.
He is still paying the mortgage and the bills.......that's really all I care about right now.
Apart from my dear GD, she's the only Grand child of his that doesn't know if he's dead or alive. We tell her he is but she doesn't really believe us as he hasn't seen her for a year. That makes me so angry,
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Pink - I love your quote that you are the love of your life - good for you!
And your idea for a Mother's Day present is lovely too - I'm sure you will cherish that and your nearest and dearest will be pleased to have bought you something that brings such pleasure.
I'm sorry that your XH doesn't see his GD. He may find it hard to deal with the fact that he is a grandfather, and I am sad for him as it means he misses out on the joy of that new relationship.
I spent a day with an old mutual friend of ours a month or so ago. She and her XH had been friends with my XH for many years and she hasn't heard from XH at all - despite her having a serious illness diagnosis and going through difficult treatment. I was staggered that XH wouldn't have been in touch with her and I do think it is sad not to be there and offer something to those we love during the joys and trials of life.
Anyway - it sounds like you are doing well and I'm pleased for you Sweetie.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Ha ha....no worries Sotto, thank you for your kind words.
I must say that I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for Michelle's DR book and this forum.
When I think of the anguish I was in last year by constantly emailing H and waiting for his scattered replies to now.
I went dark last August and have only messaged him three times since, twice saying I hope he's ok and once to thank him for money he transferred to me at Christmas.
I have found by NC it is in fact easier for me. As Job says, he knows where I am and if and when he does make contact, I will know that he is ready to.
Last week S texted me from work saying H had text him asking if could read the gas and electric meters as the estimated bill was particularly high.
I've been really careful not to put the heating on too much. So don't understand this.
Anyway I dread the meter, but I did email H to ask very politely to, in future please deal direct with me as its not fair on S. He replied says "yes, ok will do".
Last night I had too much wine and emailed him again. Just to say that he would adore our little GS (15 months old, not seen him since he was three months) and how intelligent and handsome he is, but a little accident prone.
I was surprised that he answered. He said that occasionally he does log in to FB to look at photos and that he is very cute and must take after his accident prone dad.
Oh well, I'm not going to to beat myself up about it. It is what it is.....back to darkness!
On our way back from shopping D said she was going to text H in the next few days.
I asked why, and she said she would ask him what his intentions were and what he thought would happen with us going forward, as she doesn't think I should live in the limbo I'm doing at the moment.
I answered her, but I'm curious at all of your thoughts and if my answer was correct.
