You are in a very healthy frame of mind i think to keep moving forward. It's very insightful to realize that as she is now is not someone you'd want to spend your life with.
I'm very proud of you for keeping the focus on yourself and the kids.
BTW, FWIW, I think you're very cool !!!
And I'm sure many of us here agree with me!!!!
{{{{{{{Kyh}}}}}}}
xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I'm still feeling indifferent to the decree. I guess it's the next step in whatever is to be. I do think it's weird w came here to do laundry the last two nights, I couldn't help but wonder if it was a temp check of sorts, I did catch her looking at me once. I didn't give it too much thought though. Watched hockey and scooby doo w/the kids and let her be. We're doing a half week this week to change our schedule so w can take her trip. Can't wait to get them back at the end of the week. I know they're excited too.
Kyh...I'm trying to put myself in that same mindset of it being the next step. It still feels kind of counter productive for wanting to save your M, but I guess as some have said, the old M is over anyway. I am staring at the pre-decree papers right now making notes on them that I might want to change and this still feels so surreal to me. It feels like I am the one in a fog.
Hope your PMA continues to grow. Stay strong my friend.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Thanks buttrfly. Still trying to focus on myself and kids but I've had a few triggers I've had to quickly let go before they get me spinning, I hope I'm not stuffing it away to pop out at some later date.
SBJ, I hope it is the next step. Well, it is no matter how things turn out, not in my control. Things have been going nowhere since this fall and w thinks it is what she needs. She forgets how her friends (pre Mlc friends, not her new ones) used to joke about stealing me and that I'm not what/who she's making me out to be. I have no expectations but think sooner or later she will realize the grass is greener where the dogs poop. Idk if I will be around then, sometimes I think I'm getting to where the door is closed but not locked.
W lost her keys Wednesday do I had to go pick the kids up from daycare. She beat around the bush until I asked if she needed a ride to get her spare. She kept apologizing and acting like it was a big deal. I just told her things like this happen and not to worry about it. While driving she vented about work and talked about her trip she leaves for tomorrow. I mostly listened. She was supposed to take the kids today for some time before she left but she never came though. Her loss, what else can I say, it's sad. Thankfully I didn't tell the kids ahead of time so they weren't let down.
Journaling a bit. Last week was rough but I think I'm letting it go. The week before last was the week W left the kids w/me and peaced out w/OM Combined with my bday, her trip, and kids going back w/her this week I let it get to me and I felt a lot of repressed anger come up. It was hard to deal w/it but for now I'm feeling better for the most part. She also stood the kids up again Sunday, telling them she was going to get them since she had been gone but never did. So frustrating.
Monday was a rough day, W stopped by after work to pick some things up. I was already having those feelings and wasn't going to be here but didn't want to miss the kids so I stayed home. W made them stay in the car and they were upset about it. I went to say hi and had her take the booster seats I just got because she didn't want their others. I told W I smelled antifreeze when I went over to her car and she snapped at me "well if I had money I'd fix it I would." I would feel bad if she weren't running around, leaving every other weekend, concerts, tattoos, etc. I ignored it and when I put the seats in D didn't want to get out of the middle because of the garbage and there was puke in the back. Ugh, so she's driving around in a pukey car and complains of it smelling. She's out of it.
I've done a couple more reiki sessions for myself and they were absolutely nothing like the first but yesterday's helped me feel more relaxed and detached, and to let the anger go.
I've been thinking a lot about W's situation and why she cracked. I feel sorry for her. There is so much to it and I can see it has trickled down generations. For just one aspect, she is the oldest of six and was forced to play mom at a ridiculously young age, making dinners and taking care of siblings in an abusive home. Maybe having our kids was like going back (minus abusive home) to this for her. It's hard, I've been feeling a mix of anger for what she's done and empathy for her.
I still haven't heard back anything about D. IDK if W has signed yet but I'm sure she will.
I contacted an old friend tonight to get together sometime and we are planning on getting together sometime soon. That should help w/GAL.
Trying to work through all this, I had a couple good weeks and then last week. I guess it's normal and things will keep getting better as I move forward.
I hope you're all having a good week and have a good Easter weekend.
Honestly, I just can't get over the fact that she's driving around in a car that has vomit in it.
It shouldn't surprise me. Really, who am I to be shocked when my h's bathroom is no better. I think it was last cleaned 1 year ago; seriously. I am too scared to go back in my thread to see. I never go in there, I have instructed the kids not to even open that door and I stuck a post-it on the outside that instructs visitors to use the kids' bathroom. It is much more hygienic as they clean it every week.
MLC is literally and figuratively a messy, messy business. Ick.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Hawho. Strangely, it was a reminder that this really is a crisis as I sometimes question it after living w/it for so long. I wonder what the kids will think of this later. I've been talking to them a lot about taking care of our things lately.
W tried to get to me Friday night. The kids (and her in the background) were telling me about juice cicles on the phone and we're making it a big thing. I asked them if they made them like we had made pudding pops the weekend before. After talking to them w sent a text about not telling the kids she isn't as good as me and especially when she doesn't have time to do things and how I am disgusted by it, etc. I didn't know what she was talking about at first but then figured it out. I told her sorry she thought that but I don't do or think that of her and since she was calling them juice cicles and it was a big thing I assumed they made them. She sent a lol back w/a short explanation and forgot about it. Not playing those games.
Why didn't anyone tell me it wasn't Easter weekend after my last post lol.:) W brought the kids over Saturday morning and was telling me about her work and a funny story w/D. I told her I was going to dye eggs w/them and asked if she'd like me to wait for her. She said that would be great so we waited for her to get off work. The kids had a good time but after w sat at the table by herself on the phone for an hour or so before leaving. She also critiqued some of the stuff I got (a roller that didn't work) which I just ignored. We didn't hardly talk and it was a little weird but I just hung out w/the kids. As they were leaving I asked how she wanted to do Sunday. We were both confused until she told me today wasn't Easter. We had a good laugh, she wondered why I planned on dying eggs so early.
My parents are Greek Orthodox so usually their Easter is on a different day (they had been talking a lot about it next week) but this year they are the same but I assumed they weren't and thought it had to be today. W and I had another good laugh when I told her why.
Had a good time w/kids yesterday and spent most of the day outside but today was super windy so I got some spring cleaning done and took some stuff to goodwill.
After talking to the kids tonight w texted me funny pictures of the kids she changed w/her phone. I replied w/an inside joke and she replied back w/lol and reference to it. I left it at that, normally I would've texted some more. Idk what to think we've had almost no contact for a couple weeks except last Monday which was ugly. I guess I shouldn't care but I don't want to seem like a jerk and ignore her but don't want to be waiting and available for her either. Hopefully a short reply is the way to go, not ignoring but not wanting to be where she left me. Idk.
Something occurred to me as I read your post, Kyh - we all spend so much time trying to figure out the weak link in our lives, aka the MLCer. Think about what we could do with the amount of time spent on trying to figure out someone with a mental illness!
We're never ever going to figure them out, period. We are using logic and they have none at the moment.
I'm not picking on you. Lord knows I turned myself inside out plenty of times trying to please exh or at least avoid making him angry. Gotta keep the peace at all costs was my mantra. Well you know what doll, screw that. You've gotta keep the peace in your heart. Focus on being your authentic self and the rest will follow. You're a very consistent person. Your kids come first. You always try to do the right thing - not hurt your w, not seem like a jerk. Her interpretations of you are always going to be through the prism of MLC, so some days she might really see you and others she might see the person she's made up in her head.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh. You are turning yourself inside out and causing yourself excess stress trying to please someone who cannot be pleased. This is just my opinion. I'm not saying you shouldn't care either. I'm saying take care of you and please yourself first. The rest will follow.
(No idea where all that came from)
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you for the reply, it's not harsh at all. After I typed that last night I thought about how much of it focused on her. I need to turn my focus inward and to the kids and less towards her. I need to keep working on this. Seems like I do food for awhile then it gets to me. It's hard w/so much contact.
agreed, the less contact the better. i'm so sensitive that i sometimes feel myself starting to short circuit when he flies back from the west coast. bizarre, but that's the truth. i vibrate at a higher internal rate when he's not around. i'm truly grateful he's a runner. makes it a bit easier.
is there some creative way you can limit contact?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
