I also wouldn't be contacting her family anymore. Unfortunately, blood is thicker than water so you might not get anywhere trying to convince them that she needs to work on your M. Same goes with the circle of friends you guys have. They may or may not be feeding your W with thoughts about how great D is, but none of that will matter. Ultimately, it will be your W's decision.
Solid. I have one mole in my ex's camp that is a deep mole, but at the end of the day its all about blood.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
She always did hide her phone but it was bit more over the last year or so.
There are some old friends that have re-emerged-I know most of them. They are more her friends than mine but still have been part of 'our' lives.
But, she did start building a new circle over the last year or so. I felt like she was starting to live a single life-this was one of my issues with her.
I still don't think there was any 'one' new friend as such. But, then again who knows. Maybe, I don't want to believe it.
Also, We hadn't been intimate for 9-10 months before the separation.
What I can't get over is how our circle of friends may be involved in this or on her side. Not sure if I'm being paranoid here.
Hello jbroken,
It is going to sound like an echo around here because I agree that you need to focus all of your time, effort and energy on yourself right now.
It would be helpful to stop mind reading and trying to figure out what is going on in her head. I know, easier said than done. Avoid social media or hide certain friends/family so that it isn't front and center. Do this to protect yourself.
It is estimated that one of every three married couples struggles with problems associated with mismatched sexual desire. Was this an issue previous to the last 9-10 months?
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Prior to the separation, she did a few things that completely put me off her. It made me feel that I was an option not a priority. So I 'door slammed' her for a couple of months. I understand that was wrong on my part (once she asked for a separation). What bothered me during was that she never once made attempt to find out why I was doing it! Or what was wrong. Her mother was visiting at the time and she didn't even try to patch up things between us. Finally, when my wife did finally speak, it was 'I can't do this anymore. I want a divorce.' After I told her my issues with her, she apologised but still kept harping the same tune. I kept insisting we need to come together now to heal and work on our marriage. Eventually, we brought it down to a separation. Since then up until last week, I made all efforts to show her my changes on the issues she had with me. But, still this.
On the lack of intimacy - for the first few months on my part this was because I was doing some therapy at the time - issues with work and death of a close friend. She initiated things only a couple of times during where I didn't respond-forgive me! But, after that she never really made any moves. This rolled on for a bit. We then we had friends come stay with us, then her mother and then the couple of months of the door slam which brought us to the separation I referred to above. So quite a lot of this period is circumstantial too.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
I feel that if do GAL, focus on myself and let it be seen I'm doing well. She will turnaround and say 'see your fine and doing well, so let's sign the papers and move on'. So I'm confused on what my next step should be.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
Also what upsets even more is that 'our' (if I can even call them that) circle of friends don't care about me in all this. Not a single person wished us on our anniversary on FB - so they knew this was happening and they are clearly showing their loyalties. I mean even if they know, not a single text to say-are you OK!
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
Prior to the separation, she did a few things that completely put me off her. It made me feel that I was an option not a priority. So I 'door slammed' her for a couple of months. I understand that was wrong on my part (once she asked for a separation). What bothered me during was that she never once made attempt to find out why I was doing it! Or what was wrong.
Did you attempt to communicate to her what was wrong?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
No, I didn't and I know now that was a mistake on my part. One which I did apologise for. I suppose I was waiting for her conscience to realise where her faults were in that situation. Does that automatically make me a bad husband. What about the fact that she didn't once ask me what was wrong? Nevertheless, wherever I was wrong I owned up to them and made honest efforts to correct those actions up until the point of her leaving. She doesn't own up to hers. If I can why can't she? I don't understand.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
You can't control what your W does. You can only control what you do. You should choose to do right no matter what your W chooses to do. You aren't a bad husband or a good husband by one action and you can't change the past. You can only change the present.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I agree with you completely. And these have been my exact words to my W as soon as the separation began in November up until D day. All she keeps saying is 'it's too late'. If you love someone is it ever too late? You want someone to change but, you don't want to give them the chance or the time to do so - how does that make sense. It's so frustrating.
And to top it all off she has slated off our entire marriage and made me seem like a bad husband. Which is so hurtful. It seems our entire circle of friends has bought it too-she is the victim. Do people even think that there are two sides to a story anymore?
Nevertheless, I'm trying to implement whatever DB I can at this stage. I've Gone Dark for the last five days. But I'm really confused as to whether I should GAL and let it be seen that I'm doing well. Will she turnaround and say 'see your fine and doing great, so let's sign the papers and move on'. Any advice?
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
