Wife left two days before our wedding anniversary!

[jbroken]

Leahsue,

Thanks for your support and your kind words.

I've gone through Sandi's rules but I feel it doesn't apply in this situation.

My wife has gone back to her mother's in another city, in another country.

She was adamant about divorce. What she did and the way and the way she did it. It's been six days and I'm still in shock.

We were having problems for a couple of years and we did have separation for three months - 03/11/16 to 3/02/17. But from the moment she left I have been trying to win her back. When she came back home, I did everything possible to show her that I was changing - with words and actions. She didn't respond to anything. In fact she did everything in her power to make us fight, be uncooperative, stop intimacy. And now this approximately six weeks later.

I don't know how much more of this I have to bear. And I feel ashamed.





Folks,

I just happened to stumble upon one our mutual 'friends' posts and guess who is happy and smiling in it - my wife! This is on Sunday when I was pouring my heart out to her in a reconciliation message.

This with the same friend who was in our home six months ago on a holiday, spent Christmas and New Year's with us last year. The same friend that wrote '...to the best couple I know' on our last anniversary. I sent her heartfelt messages when her father passed away in December. She is divorced and made her way back to our life a couple of years ago. Introduced my wife to click of single and other divorced women. I've had a hunch for a while that she has had a big influence in my wife's change in behaviour over the last year or so and ultimately this decision. Just feel betrayed.

This just keeps getting more painful by the minute friends.

[KevinIn]

I just happened to stumble upon one our mutual 'friends' posts and guess who is happy and smiling in it - my wife! This is on Sunday when I was pouring my heart out to her in a reconciliation message.

That's tough. Very tough. Do whatever you can to hide posts from any friends where she may show up. You need it for yourself to help detach.

[Dawgs]

Introduced my wife to click of single and other divorced women. I've had a hunch for a while that she has had a big influence in my wife's change in behaviour over the last year or so and ultimately this decision. Just feel betrayed.

Yep. Been there. In my case, it was the ex's sister that had that influence. The grass is greener, she says. Oh well, it is what it is.

[jbroken]

Jeep74,

Is she happier since the marriage has ended?

Did she regret anything from her side at any point?

Did she come back a few times before finally filing the papers?

[Dawgs]

Jeep74,

Is she happier since the marriage has ended?

Did she regret anything from her side at any point?

Did she come back a few times before finally filing the papers?

I can't tell if she is happier. If you know my story, then you'd know that she is a freaking chameleon that blends to fit. Does she act happy? No. Does she act sad? No. Can't tell at all. No biggie...it is what it is. She never came back. See, when they are done, they are done. And mine was done. Mine was in the midst of her affair and calling him her future husband and all up until filing. Good stuff.

[jbroken]

Jeep74,

I'm so sorry to hear that.

I just don't know anymore. I mean how to find out if she has had or having an affair.

It's been a week and not a peep out of her or her family. I'm losing hope.

I don't know if I'm just waiting for the papers to show up at my door.

[Dawgs]

I mean how to find out if she has had or having an affair.

Look for the classic signs first - is she hiding her phone? Changing her appearance? A new friend she suddenly talks about? Sex - has it stopped altogether or dramatically increased? If you gut is telling you something isn't right, then it usually isn't.

You could snoop. You could go such lengths as get recorders. Or a PI. Some say don't, some say do. For some, cheating is the final straw...trust is hard enough gain but almost impossible to restore.

In reality, does it matter?

What you should be doing is working on yourself. This may be sucktastic to hear, but you need to pretend as if she doesn't exist at all. Become the best you can. Do new things. Go new places. Put her things away so they aren't a reminder. Whatever it is, do it for you.

[jbroken]

She always did hide her phone but it was bit more over the last year or so.

There are some old friends that have re-emerged-I know most of them. They are more her friends than mine but still have been part of 'our' lives.

But, she did start building a new circle over the last year or so. I felt like she was starting to live a single life-this was one of my issues with her.

I still don't think there was any 'one' new friend as such. But, then again who knows. Maybe, I don't want to believe it.

Also, We hadn't been intimate for 9-10 months before the separation.

What I can't get over is how our circle of friends may be involved in this or on her side. Not sure if I'm being paranoid here.

[Gordie]

She always did hide her phone but it was bit more over the last year or so.

There are some old friends that have re-emerged-I know most of them. They are more her friends than mine but still have been part of 'our' lives.

But, she did start building a new circle over the last year or so. I felt like she was starting to live a single life-this was one of my issues with her.

I still don't think there was any 'one' new friend as such. But, then again who knows. Maybe, I don't want to believe it.

Also, We hadn't been intimate for 9-10 months before the separation.

What I can't get over is how our circle of friends may be involved in this or on her side. Not sure if I'm being paranoid here.

Why the first separation? Why the lack of intimacy?

[Bdog37]

jbroken, sorry to hear what you are going through. Just be thankful that you found this place as the advise you get and what you read will ultimately help you in the long run.

In regards to determining if an A is going on, I would not bother yourself with it. I would say to just focus on yourself and not worry about what she is up to. I know this is very hard to do, but you will just drive yourself nuts trying to find out who she is with and what she is doing.

I also wouldn't be contacting her family anymore. Unfortunately, blood is thicker than water so you might not get anywhere trying to convince them that she needs to work on your M. Same goes with the circle of friends you guys have. They may or may not be feeding your W with thoughts about how great D is, but none of that will matter. Ultimately, it will be your W's decision.

The best thing you can do now is to focus on GAL that does not involve your W. Letting go and moving on is so hard to do, but it will eventually help you heal from the devastating loss that you are feeling right now.