Yep. Sure is. And shes angry at me for some odd reason and trying to make me out to be the bad guy. So yes messed up.
But arent all of us LBSs all in messed up situations?
Yep. Mine is angry and makes me out to be the bad. Telling anyone and everyone how it's all my fault...especially to her family - it's always good to have her family members contact me about how bad I am. I haven't pulled the trigger just yet and carpet bombed their a**es with all the stuff I have on her but its coming...they like poking the bear but won't when it wakes up!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yep. Sure is. And shes angry at me for some odd reason and trying to make me out to be the bad guy. So yes messed up.
But arent all of us LBSs all in messed up situations?
Yep. Mine is angry and makes me out to be the bad. Telling anyone and everyone how it's all my fault...especially to her family - it's always good to have her family members contact me about how bad I am. I haven't pulled the trigger just yet and carpet bombed their a**es with all the stuff I have on her but its coming...they like poking the bear but won't when it wakes up!
Her family is completely ignoring me like i don’t exist. Its weird. I do wonder if they support the affair, which would make me question humanity's morality. How could someone be supportive of adultry, especially with someone who is married with kids.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Her family is completely ignoring me like i don’t exist. Its weird. I do wonder if they support the affair, which would make me question humanity's morality. How could someone be supportive of adultry, especially with someone who is married with kids.
Same for me. I can't tell if my W is lying to her friends and family or if they somehow condone her affair. Every single member of my family and friends would tear into me if they learned I was even talking to someone else inappropriately, much less having a full blown affair. It's baffling.
My parents would KILL me if I did anything like this. Whereas my parents-in-law are standing firmly behind WH. At one point, my F-i-L said, "I have to support my son." I said in response, "You can support and love someone and tell them what they're doing is wrong." He just looked at me and said, "I am not going to do that."
On a separate occasion, I expressed my feeling of betrayal to my M-i-L; told her I felt let down by her response to WH's affair. I told her I felt she was just waiting to meet my replacement. Her exact response was, "What else would you have me do?"
Both of my parents-in-law have had affairs. I don't know whether this is a factor in their behaviour, but am guessing it contributes.
It must be that because we know our families would kill us that our moral code is different to our WS's codes - obviously their families don't seem to be overly bothered.
My parents-in-law continually say that WH wouldn't have cheated if he weren't unhappy. My response is always, "Well, I was unhappy too, but I never cheated." They don't accept this. They always just keep quiet to this and then change the subject.
Out of interest, do either of your WS come from conflict avoidant homes? Mine is supremely conflict avoidant.
Whereas my parents-in-law are standing firmly behind WH. At one point, my F-i-L said, "I have to support my son." I said in response, "You can support and love someone and tell them what they're doing is wrong." He just looked at me and said, "I am not going to do that."
Blood is always thicker than water. Always. Don't even go there as they won't ever support. I found that out the hard way. However, there is an ally for me in her camp...
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Her exact response was, "What else would you have me do?"
See above. They don't want to hear it.
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Out of interest, do either of your WS come from conflict avoidant homes? Mine is supremely conflict avoidant.
Not in my case. They are all about conflict.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Out of interest, do either of your WS come from conflict avoidant homes? Mine is supremely conflict avoidant.
Exact opposite. My father-in-law loves a good "conversation" on a controversial topic. However, one of the reasons for our issues is that my wife never brought up things that bothered her for the last 6 years. Thats a long time to bottle up resentment that i didnt even know about.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
I will come back on later (and not from my phone) and really reflect a bit more.
I want to start off by saying that I have a lot of respect for everyone here that is posting. I understand how badly it is that we all want to save our marriages. We have children that we are doing this for.
But reading these posts left me with a really sick feeling in my heart. Because sx2016 sounds like a great person that deserves a healthy relationship that is not based on infidelity, and gaslighting, and a spouse thatbis clearly provoking fights so that he can justify sleeping around with another woman.
The advise sounds so STEPFORD wivey. "Just be perfect, don't get sick, don't have feelings, and then he will come back and be loyal to you...until next time"
Ito not healthy for our souls to believe that, and I really think that when someone is sleeping around (her ex had multiple affairs) it's a form of abuse. At the very least it is suffocating to the soul.
I don't think it was Michelle weiner Davis intent to encourage staying in abusive marriages.
I believe that you have to work at your marriage. But I do not believe that anyone should have to work so that their spouse will not be unfaithful. Thats just not a fair ultimatum in a relationship.
And that's kind of what it becomes when a spouse serial cheats. Stbx. Your spouse is not remorseful he does not want in the marriage. He does not want to work on it.
Looking hot, not reacting, being pleasant and friendly when he's trying to take advantage is not realistic and you set yourself up for failure.
Get dressed up and go out and do things because it will make you feel better. But you have to let him go and all thoughts of him returning as well.
Him and OW deserve each other. He's with her because the last OW ended things. They won't last. But don't be waiting in the sidelines. You deserve more.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
