My XW was originally diagnosed as bipolar. I was the one that "discovered" the dissociative identity disorder (DID), but it was clearly DID when it presented itself. We we lying in bed at the time and I said something that triggered her, and there was no question of what was going on. However, she wasn't really aware of the others at first. I had to find a way to break the news to her (that's another story). She was eventually diagnosed by a psychologist with expertise in childhood trauma.
If your wife was subjected to on-going trauma and abuse, particularly by "trusted" adults (parents, nanny etc.), when she was relatively young (usually younger than 7), then it's possible she's DID.
One of the scariest moments I had with my XW (then girlfriend) was when she'd repressed that fact that she was DID. We'd been through so much, and then suddenly, she'd lost all conscious memory of the DID. People suffering from DID can be like that; they know how to totally repress memories.
At the time, naive doodler thought that recognition of the issue would bring about relatively quick (a few years) recovery from the trauma. It's not quick; it's a lifelong endeavor to heal from that kind of trauma.
If your wife was subjected to on-going trauma and abuse, particularly by "trusted" adults (parents, nanny etc.), when she was relatively young (usually younger than 7), then it's possible she's DID.
Possible. I'll need to read up on that more. Her abuse started at a very young age at the hands of her mom's boyfriends...up until the time she went to live with another family member. And then she was almost killed by a boyfriend, raped, beaten, etc... All of this was before the early 20s.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yes, repeated abuse throughout life is common because the victim often doesn't understand they're in a potentially dangerous situation. They don't have good boundaries.
We haven't heard any more of your dating adventures in a while...fill us in, kind sir.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
We haven't heard any more of your dating adventures in a while...fill us in, kind sir.
Jeep,
About a month ago I went cold turkey on the dating thing. I wasn't ready. Online dating is certainly different and interesting, but it can be overwhelming. The best metaphor that I can think of is that it's kind of like a huge buffet, there are endless choices, but I'm not hungry so there's nothing that I really want at the moment. Does that make sense?
On the other hand, I do like spending time with my sons as well as doing my home projects. I'm helping my youngest son build his go kart and I also general do whatever my oldest son would like to do at any given time. I found that online dating was a bit of a distraction because I'd often check my phone when I was out with the boys (i.e. it was like my XW's behavior during her EA). Right now, I feel like it's important that I give my sons my full attention when I have them.
I feel like it's important that I give my sons my full attention when I have them.
Doodler,
The single best answer there is, sir. Even though I've gone out a few times and there is this whole Harley thing, I find myself much more wanting to give my kids 100%...and as you know, I have them all but two weekends a month. I won't bring anyone around them in the near, or maybe distant, future, either. They are my first and foremost. Period.
Being ready to date has many, many different levels. Personally, even just coffee or dinner is good for the soul - and ego - given as to how much we were beat down. Like you, I know my marriage isn't ever coming back - so why not get back on the horse, even if its just a pony?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Being ready to date has many, many different levels. Personally, even just coffee or dinner is good for the soul - and ego - given as to how much we were beat down. Like you, I know my marriage isn't ever coming back - so why not get back on the horse, even if its just a pony?
Ok, first and foremost, the pony thing made me laugh out loud, so thanks for that. The students walking past my office now think I'm a crazy old lady sitting in my office looking at the computer and laughing. But anyway, I think you are so rate about being ready to date has levels. I think those levels are different for everyone. For me, personally, I was not ready to even think about dating for about a year. I used that time to go to counseling and just kind of readjust my "normal". It was a hard year, but I needed it. Then, it was like flipping a switch and all of a sudden, I was like yep...I'm ready. I think we all find that in our way and in our own time. I like seeing everyone's progressions here as we are all different folks living our own timelines. Interesting stuff. People fascinate me!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Ok, first and foremost, the pony thing made me laugh out loud, so thanks for that. The students walking past my office now think I'm a crazy old lady sitting in my office looking at the computer and laughing. But anyway, I think you are so rate about being ready to date has levels. I think those levels are different for everyone. For me, personally, I was not ready to even think about dating for about a year. I used that time to go to counseling and just kind of readjust my "normal". It was a hard year, but I needed it. Then, it was like flipping a switch and all of a sudden, I was like yep...I'm ready. I think we all find that in our way and in our own time. I like seeing everyone's progressions here as we are all different folks living our own timelines. Interesting stuff. People fascinate me!
People fascinate me, too!
You know, for the longest I wasn't even thinking about going out. Until this friend asked me if I wanted to get something to eat with her. I know - paralleling yours, right? - so I did...funny thing, I felt wrong at first but I don't know why because my marriage was done and gone. Went out with her a few times and although she wanted more, I just wasn't ready at that point. We are still great friends and talk a bit...and she posts on my FB pictures and stuff all the time.
Am I ready for a relationship? I don't know. The kids are the driver for me. I won't bring anyone around them, and with the amount of time I have them, it would be difficult.
I'm sure it will happen sooner or later. I'm at the point where, yes, I'd like to go beyond dating. But not in front of the kids.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
This whole dating conversation has really gotten me to thinking - how long did the ones who have dated introduce them to your kids? I'm not sure I could ever do that - maybe in the future I can change my mind, but not now. I just can't. Take Harley for instance, she has left the door open for me - but for that to work, it would take a huge commitment seeing that she is that far away. But she wants to. If she lived closer, it would be an easy decision - but here lies the rub...how long could I date without introducing my children?
It's crazy to think about. All the kids know are their mom. And they still believe in her (one of the most painful things for me now). They still believe.
Back to Harley, for example. We took so many trips - I know, it changes with kids in the picture and all, but trips still happen. Even when I get to that point again, I can't imagine seeing whoever it is staying in a hotel with me and the kids. Good grief one could go crazy thinking about such things.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I introduced one guy in many years and it took 4 months when I saw it going somewhere. It ended up not going anywhere, but I saw it going somewhere.
My FF has been seeing her and interacting with her 5 days a week for the past few weeks before we started dating. (my child is the mayor of the gym) So, I bent the rules and allowed him over for dinner. My concerns have to do with her getting too attached, so I am having them keep a safe distance.
If you are dating with no intention of it going anywhere, then the kids don't belong in the equation. That's my take anyways.
