It takes two to make it work (pt. 6)

[SBJ]

You can't make this $#!^ up.

So I get a text from the W earlier today asking if I'd help buy our youngest some shorts because she could order them on sale. I said yes. She texted a bit later asking about some other clothes. I said yes. She texted a bit later asking about something else for him. I politely texted back saying to figure out everything she wanted for him and then let me know and we could decide together.

She texted back a bit later with the total and we agreed on them. A minute later I received a text asking if I had signed the pre-decree forms. All of this like it was the same conversation. I guess in her world purchasing summer clothing for my son is equally as important as signing divorce papers.

Just WOW!!!

[Coly23]

Amazing how they can be so matter of fact about such important issues. Their empathy chip sure is non existent! Stay strong SBJ.

[skm0619]

SBJ......I'm so sorry that your W is being so insensitive to you. I know it is so surreal how they think. But as we know they are only thinking about themselves. The sense of entitlement is unbelievable.

I don't know what to say to you except that we are here for you.

[bttrfly]

they are in their own world and make little sense to the rest of us living on planet Earth.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

keep your chin up! keeping you in my thoughts and prayers xoxoxo

[Brubeck]

As the MLC'er, my W's family (her parents and siblings) has somewhat splintered. As far as I can see she has continued a fairly good relationship with our kids. And, as far as I can tell she has continued to be friends with most of our family friends...not any of them had stood up to her to say she was nuts. Well, one said that she would talk about it, but nobody confronted her. She has also created an entire new group of friends that do not know me or what our M was like for the last 20+ years. I hear that is typical MLC.

Hey SBJ - nothing new to add except to second what Bird has said.

I've also experienced my mother, my siblings and my closest friends pledge to solider on with me no matter what, and so far, they have. This includes asking me for D updates even when I know they don't want to talk about it, but sense I might need to get something off my chest.

My W has distanced herself to varying degrees from every member of her immediate family as well as surrounding relatives. She's trying to find some solidarity in her elder sister who's currently losing her own marriage (and her health) to a raging 15 year battle with alcoholism. Both of them are too trainwrecked to hear what the other one is saying. Misery loves company.

My W also has new friends that don't know me, our M, or the person she used to be. I call them her "MLC Friends". She's trying to expand this new circle of friends all the time, but these are all people on the cusp of 40, and they don't want to close the bar every Saturday night like she wants to.

I guess it's true that MLCers create a new social orbit of "users and losers" to make themselves feel better. I read on another thread that while they blame the spouse as the root cause of unhappiness in their life, they really want to separate from their previous life altogether - and that may involve estraging themselves from family.

We're doing all right. Hang in there.

[Kyh]

Hi SBJ, just wondering how you were doing. Sorry your going through this and your w is making it worse w/no empathy. Actions like that are reminders of how gone they are in the MLC. Not advising to drag your feet but don't let her rush you. There is a sense of relief in figuring out the unknown but if you need a day or two to process things and let go take them.

Take care!

[SBJ]

Thanks for the messages Coly, skm, bttrfly, Brubeck, and Kyh...not saying that things are better with her, but I am realizing that I'm not broken. I need to keep growing, but I'm not broken.

Psalm 28:7New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

7 The Lord is my strength and my shield,
in whom my heart trusts.
I am helped, so my heart rejoices;
with my song I praise him.

I am trying to stay strong for my kids and keeping my house a beacon. I like the lighthouse story, but I'm realizing that God wants to grow in me a spirit of never quitting.

Next month has two events in them regarding my W. One is her birthday and the other is the anniversary of the beginning of her EA...it happens to fall on Easter. I will buy her gifts from the kids for her bday, but I think that I will keep Easter in my heart for it's true meaning and not because of the connection to the EA.

Today I had a memory of the last time she and I had laughed together...we used to keep each other in stitches, but 2016 was simply sad. The laughter is coming back when the kids are home with me and that is a true blessing. They are a true blessing from God. I have them from tonight thru next Friday and that truly makes me happy.

I hope to have our pool ready to go for April 1st...not trying to make people jealous. We sure do enjoy the outdoors her in my part of the country, but without a pool in the summer it is pretty unbearable outside.

Have a blessed weekend everyone!

[OwnIt]

Sorry to butt in and I don't know your story (but hope to soon), but I'm in this polyanna stage where I am trying to reframe things for my own sanity. Wondering if maybe she asked you about the clothes and such because she was feeling the need to work up to it or simply wanted some positive connection with you. I used to have an employee who would come up to me all the time and ask me things I know she knew the answer to. I think she was perhaps a little fearful of me or didn't know how to interact and was trying to have some kind of connection. I could be totally off-base and probably am, but letting go of negative thoughts can be a gift to ourselves. Best wishes to you.

[Coly23]

That's a good point Helies. SBJ, is she the sort of person who usually goes around the houses before saying what she really wants to or is this new and part of her MLC?

Too late, you've made me jealous of your pool! Living in a relatively cool climate even in the summer (UK, ugh!) the thought of being able to have an outside pool always makes me envious of people living in warmer climates!

[SBJ]

She's never really been one to beat around the bush on what she wants, but at the same time she and I were never good at communicating our needs from each other out of fear we may hurt the others feelings.

And yes, pools are fun, but can also be a lot of work. Have a great weekend.