It is very important you work out a script of validation while controlling your reactions to her. Remain detached in that you don't react to her spew or bait to argue. Instead remain gentle and compassionate while also firm. You can even agree that the marriage isn't salvageble at this moment but you also will not aid in getting a hasty divorce. As a matter of fact you will not seek the divorce yourself. If she wants the divorce then she must do all the heavy lifting. In the meantime don't always be home when she gets home, go hang with friends and fill you time (and head) with them, smile and mean it. Fake it 'til you make it. Remind me of what kind of guy you were before you met your wife? Are you like that now or now completely codependent on another human being for your self worth?
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I am not the same but who is after 12 years of maturity! I feel like I can be a bit more alpha like I was back then, but I am not drastically different. In terms of co-dependency. As bad as things are I think we are still co dependent on each other. This life stage is hard - all my friends are married with kids - no time to hang with a guy who wants to get out of the house. With that said I do have a few people who I can manage to get out once or twice a week.
understand the cognitive dissonance created when the WAS is vilifying the LBS in order to create emotional distance, but they also seem to truly believe the nonsense that they spew. It's hard to wrap your mind around it;
Know how when people start lying to cover themselves and then eventually tell it so much its second nature to them? Same here.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
As I do this I wonder if anyone has any advice around goal setting? Should all goals be around bettering myself and my situation? i am struggling here to set tangible goals beyond "working out" and "trying to get out with friends".
on another note, my wife is going out to dinner with her one "work friends" who I know is one of her enablers of the A and the OM. I anticipate tons of mud slinging about me and a potential straw breaking the camels back tonight or this weekend between us. I can sense it's coming with her behavior.
on another note, my wife is going out to dinner with her one "work friends" who I know is one of her enablers of the A and the OM. I anticipate tons of mud slinging about me and a potential straw breaking the camels back tonight or this weekend between us. I can sense it's coming with her behavior.
Try not to anticipate what will happen. It'll only drive you crazy. Will they? Most likely, but there isn't any thing you can do about it. That straw has already broken the camel's back, sir...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Vinny -- the camel's back won't break -- or at least won't break any further (all of our old Ms are really dead by the time we get here) - if you stay detached and calm and don't take the bait. It takes two to argue or have a blow up. Stay strong. Don't react; respond. And, if she's really spewing or going and going at you, calmly tell her you won't talk to her when she's in that sort of state but will be happy to do so when she's calmer. Then go do something else, away from the situation.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
I have a totally separate topic/question as some of you seem to be further down the path than I. I am starting to sense some anger in my 5 year old - and I suspect some if not all of it is due to my wife and I's sitch.
I get concerned that all this "DBing" is hurting the kids. I get that "it is better than divorce", but I'm also seeing people being in this spot for years only to end in divorce anyways.
Any thoughts on the impact on your kids? Anyone who went through and got out the otherside still married have a POV?
So last night came and went with no drama. She came home and we exchanged pleasantries and she went to bed. Today Her and I went out selerate ways for most of the day. Me with my son her with my daughter.pretty much paid no mind to what she was doing. We had company tonight so we had to work a bit together to get the hosting duties done, but with little interaction other than orders.
Then she unexpectedly asked me to be intimate. The last three times she's done that ive said "no thanks" with very shocked reactions from her. This time I caved. I don't know why. But I know it's not good to do that. Have I set myself back here?
This is literally one of the most passive, beta-type, approaches to this type of thing I've ever read. Your wife is stuffing herself with cake and you're serving it to her. The word "cuckold" comes to mind. Is that what you want to be?
