Does anyone have any thoughts on I how I should go into mc tonight?
KCRoo,
The MC should give you both an opportunity to talk, so let your wife tell her story and you can tell yours. Keep in mind, sometimes MC can go really badly.
My wife (now XW) actually recommended MC, but when things clearly weren't going her way, she bailed (after three sessions). The third session went so poorly that I'd rather have been beaten with a baseball bat.
If your wife is truly on-board and wants to save the marriage, then it'll probably go well. If MC is just another item on her pre-departure checklist, then it probably won't go so well.
That if she just wanted to go to say we tried and it didn't work, that it will be pretty bad tonight.
Not necessarily. That could come out later. Mine did the exact same thing...we went through a good bit of sessions. All for naught.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Well we went to mc. She told the truth and explained everything about her ea. She was crying. Again she said that she was not in love with me, and not attracted to me. She tried to blame it on the 4 times i asked her to leave. I explained that was not the case because she said that before.
The mc saw it, and didn't push the issue in this session. Overall, and i know it is weird to say this, but i think it went pretty well. We talked about my triggers. So I think it was good for ww to hear that.
WW went ahead and prescheduled 5 more appointments. So I am going to continue focusing on my 180s, and GAL.
I am not going to lie, it hurt when she said that she was still not attracted to me after losing 45lbs. in 60 days.
I am looking at mc as a way for me to heal, so i will keep going.
So really no further.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
I thought I was seeing baby steps, and maybe I am. I guess I was lying to myself about not having expectations. I thought we had turned a corner.
She called me this morning, she spent the night at her mom's house with her little brother (24years old). I told her I was getting ready. She asked how I was and said "fine". I hurried up and got ready and left before she got there.
She called me about 5 minutes after I left, saying she was hoping she would see me. I told her sorry, but I was running behind and had to leave to get to work. I see my IC today, so I have to be extra productive since it takes 1.5 hours out of my day.
She then called me later, saying she didn't know why the coffee maker wasn't working. I asked if she added water, she said no, and then ah duh.
Just feeling down.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
So I am doing pretty good on detaching. She called me about 8:30, and said she was going out. I said have fun. I told her that our HOA was due in a couple of days, and I needed a check from her.
She came home around 12:30, she woke me up, not intentionally. I said hello, and rolled back over. When I got up, there was a check waiting on the counter.
She called me this morning, to talk about tacos. Both of us were pleasant. I ended the call first and told her to have a good day.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
Whatever your outcome is, you seem to be doing well. Keep it up!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
It has really helped out that I told my youngest sister. She really cares, and if I don't call her after work, she is calling me. She listens to all things I have to say, and she doesn't let me play the victim, and constantly reassures me that this isn't my fault.
In our mc session, ww said she started emotionally disconnecting from me in June, when it became apparent we were having issues getting pregnant. I asked why she didn't come to me, and she said not being a woman I wouldn't understand. So she started talking to her cousin about it.
Although this is pure speculation, I think the thing that broke her back is she wanted me to get fertility tested in October, and I did it November 4 (first I had to go to a urologist, and then they had to order the test). The test came back that I was fertile. So she automatically assumed it was her. She didn't try to change her doctors appointment, which is March 28. One thing she has told me her IC says is that she doesn't face her fears. This is evident in not moving up her doctors appointment, or even trying.
I have reassured her throughout the two years we were trying, that if we couldn't get pregnant through sex, we could do fertility treatments. And if we couldn't get pregnant at all, we could adopt, and I would be happy.
Of course now were coming up on two months no sex, and the weird thing is she still changes, and showers in front of me. Of course I am "glad" were not having sex (as glad as you can be) because if she got pregnant now, it would only be bad. A baby would not solve our problems, and would just cost me child support.
This was mostly a vent/rant, I was really thinking about this today.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
Oh, yeah, one other thing I did, and it has really seemed to help me. I had her in my phone as "[name] aka Wifey", and I changed her name to [name]. That has really helped me, in seeing that she is just a woman, how is treating me like crap.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
