Thank you for the support! I am still hopeful that one day XW and I will reconnect, but that is probably a year or two down the road, maybe more.
Painter,
So nice to hear from you! I am in a better place except with XW. I still have those feelings of walking on eggshells sometimes when we talk briefly on the phone.
Since XW and I are basically NC, there are limited boundaries in place. It is clear she still doesn't respect me. I keep conversations short and sweet on my side and only discuss the boys, if she starts to go off on a tangent I politely dismiss myself from the conversation and hang up. This infuriates her more and then she starts to text and spew more.
Today my L drafted a letter to XW's L with very specific incidents that happened over the last week and a half. Without going into details, my L stated we would file for sole custody if XW doesn't start to be more cordial with me.
Correct, there was no emergency and she did not want to speak to the boys, she wanted to dictate things to continue to make me feel bad and try and overwhelm me with stress and anxiety.
Most of the time I do answer the phone. I do not answer when we are driving and I am en-route to pick up the little ones from daycare. There have been multiple times though where she says she will call at a certain time and never calls at all that day.
Anyway, trying to be as upbeat as I can when we talk, but I still struggle internally.
I will look into the SPARC website! Thank you for the info!
Hope all is well with you!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Your strength and resilience to raise your 5Bs singlehandedly is amazing. I can't imagine a mother abandoning her children in that way.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie, thank you for the support. I do what I can. I still feel so unorganized in my life right now. Still a lot of loose ends to clean up, but I can only do what I can each day.
Since the letter went out to XW last Friday, a lot less communication through text.
Monday I had a meeting with the boys teachers, social worker, and principal at the new school. I called XW to have her conference in. We gave the teachers history on the boys. XW started to make comments about the boys behavior and made it sound like they are struggling due to my actions. She threw in a couple of other jabs as to me not being a cooperative co-parent. I said nothing until after the discussion was done. When XW was off the phone I apologized to the teachers and gave them a bit of my perspective on things but did not say anything negative about XW, I just stated that I want the boys to excel as much as possible.
So no formal response back to the letter my L sent. Since I have to get my things out of storage though, I think it would be best to meet XW this weekend and have her visit with the boys even thought it should have been 2 weekends ago.
XW also sent me texts this week with respect to the furniture, asking if I wanted to buy the formal dining room and the piano. I said I would think about it. She stated that it will cost her 6K to move her things to Toronto. Ha! That is double the price of what she received quotes for from when we were going to move all the furniture. I validated and in the end she said well she will look at selling the items online, they are just things.
I think to myself, we paid thousands of dollars for that piano and now she wants to sell it instead of giving it to her kids. She wanted to have the boys learn piano and now she will sell it for pennies on the dollar.
Nothing but lies continue to come out of her mouth. She had the nerve to say she doesn't trust me going through the storage units and is concerned I will damage her things as I try to get mine out. I just cannot deal with her being so negative about me anymore. I may be the type of person that avoids conflict at times, but I am not a malicious person, if I wanted to damage her things that would have happened a long time ago when I had a lot of anger and resentment towards her.
I signed the boys up for AM care, still struggling to find an afterschool nanny though but not giving up. Lots to do in a short amount of time.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
She certainly won't let you have the piano for less that half of what you paid for it so selling it makes perfect sense and if you sell it together you should be able to arrange to have a friend or relative buy it for penny's on dollar and then transfer it to you behind the scenes as a gift or for future consideration.
Pretty easy to be the best offer when you get to see all the prior offers. If the price goes too high, then just take your 1/2 and be done with it.
Don't try to be upfront about it either and figure you can just pay her a little bit more than the highest offer and she'll be OK with that. Rational doesn't work in these situations but if and when she ever comes to her senses and repents she'll be relieved you were able to "save" the piano from her foolishness.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
I would speak to your L regarding the furniture. In my state we split things 50/50. If the piano is important to the kids let the L know. He maybe able to convince the mediators for you to keep it.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
It has been a hectic couple of weeks. I am trying to sustain some normalcy and routine with the boys. Overall they are happy but it is apparent they have all regressed with behavior issues. I tend to keep it together and am in bed about an hour after they fall asleep! LOL!
The new school has been great in assisting and helping the boys focus. Lots of support and love for them. I have also signed them up for karate and one other activity.
My afternoon nanny starts next week, cannot wait to get some help to assist the boys in becoming the best men they can be.
XW and I are still up and down, she continues to blame all kid issues on me. Our conversations are more cordial, but tend to drift towards her criticizing me and what I have not completed based on her timeframe of when things should be done. I can no longer take that type of conversation and politely dismiss myself from the conversations.
She has now filed a motion saying I am denying her weekend visits with the boys and not adhering to the judgement, which is completely untrue. She sees them once per month and has never exercised her parenting time in Michigan. This is a matter of her interpretation of the judgement vs. mine.
I had no choice but to file a counter motion. She has made statements that she cannot take the boys on their mid winter break, spring break, and summer because she will not be able to afford it. If this is truly the case then I have no choice but to change the circumstances and request child support now.
Of course her perspective will be that I am being punitive towards her. My L also wants to lock down and define visitation more clearly so that XW and I do not go around in circles debating which weekend the boys visit with her.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
The boys are enjoying their new school. The teachers and staff have been incredible in helping to work with both S7s and their behavior issues.
Things are somewhat still status quo with XW. She calls about once per week to talk to the boys. We have brief conversations with respect to the kids after she speaks to them. Most communication is through email.
Both our motions were heard by FOC. FOC suggested we use Our Family Wizard for communication and modified her visitation so she can see them every 2nd and 4th weekend of each month. On the 2nd weekend she can drive here to pick them up and take them anywhere she wants. I am still required to meet her on the 4th weekend halfway. FOC also stated that she is required to pay 50% of the cost of the extracurricular activities the boys were signed up for.
About a week and a half after the motion hearing, XW was texting me trying to validate her visit for February. I had signed up for OFW and added her info which then sent her an email to sign up for the website. She then started texting me as to why this was necessary. I asked her if she had spoken to her L and if she signed the order, she responded like she had no idea what was going on. As of today the order is still not signed.
XW has been more cordial with me and I have kept things very brief. The boys do not talk much about her but it does come up once in a while. S5 last night asked if mommy and daddy will ever get back together. I hugged him and told him not to worry and everything will be fine and that he is loved.
I know I have a hole in my heart since she left, I can only imagine what these children are going through. I pray that someday XW and I will be able to at least be in the same room together with the boys and maybe eventually date again and try a second time. In the meantime the boys and I go through our regular routine and do our best to get through each day!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
XW has not held up her end of the D. She has not taken the boys on the long weekends, spring break, and has not notified me about taking them over the summer like she fought for.
L and I will now be going back to court to request child support in May.
XW was also supposed to sign up for OFW and has not. She still communicates through texting. The conversations are more cordial and minimal. Only discussions about the boys.
For me things are better. I still miss her but also have this unsettled anger/disgust that she would leave her family.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Your feelings of anger/discuss are valid.. i have been there.. i have raised my 4 children on my own for the past 9 years. Those feelings you have, i still carry around. She is oblivious to the dammage she is causing. In her mind, every action she takes is justified with lies and excuses.. keep your focus on you and the welfair of your children. Be the dream team. So many people dream to have what she had.. it is her lost, not yours.. you and the boys are the FAMILY!!! The most important foundation of a good life..
