New sitch update...wife came home at two a.m. from drinking...she went into another bed room. She was in there for a while, so i went in. Immediately she was like i got to go.
I heard another man on the phone. She claimed this was just a friend and that he had 3 boys and a wife. This was completely different than ea she was having. She claimed that she had just texted in a group chat, and he responded so she called him.
I asked if his wife knew he was talking to her at 2 a.m. She said yes that she has met her. Funny thing is that she showed me her text messages, and there was no group chat.
Or else she is using an app for group chat and not her phone messaging. This could be the end, I am not sure if i really want to work it out. She claims she didn't tell me because of the ea. She "promised" to be more transparent. ha what a joke.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
Do you mean that you shouldn't have told her that she needs to think about whether or not she wants to be married to you? In my opinion, there was nothing wrong with saying that. In fact, given that she was out late, drunk, and talking to some guy, I think you're probably being a bit too timid.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Well in the past I would blow up. So my 180 (and maybe I still don't get the concept) was not to get angry.
I read posts about ignoring what ever crap she is doing, and trying to GAL. I have told her my boundary of not being in an open relationship.
She tries to throw it in face and say that she doesn't tell me because of how I reacted to her emotional affair. I counter that with it is just a friendship, I wont react that way. IT is the secrets that are damaging our relationship.
So she just called me.
ww: you know I love you right? me: it doesn't seem that way when you are calling another guy at 2 a.m. ww: it wasn't meant to be like that me: well obviously it was, you were drunk and called another man at 2 a.m. ww: we were in a group text, him, me, and friend (girl friend I know), and we were texting. me: what I cant take are the secrets. Obviously you know that what you are doing is f'ed up, or you wouldn't say it was meant to be like that. If he was "just a friend" one you would have told me about him, you wouldn't try to talk to him when you think I am asleep, and you wouldn't delete your texts ww: I delete my texts with friend (girl mentioned above) Me: I am not worried about you having sex with friend (girl), and in light of ea the fact that you are acting shady with another guy doesn't look good. This is a secret, the fact that you never told me about him until you got caught. I have to get back to work because I am seeing my IC today, and that takes an hour out of my day. ww: what are you going to tell your IC? I feel like he hates me Me: the truth, I cant get the help I need if I lie to my IC. I have to go. ww: ok
The call ends. She just plays games, to keep me on the hook.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
The guy she was on the phone with last night, is actually friends with her ea om...I am beginning to think that the ea om is actually who she was calling, and just changed his name to this guy.
Me:33, WW:30 BD:12/14/16, EA no children Still together
The guy she was on the phone with last night, is actually friends with her ea om...I am beginning to think that the ea om is actually who she was calling, and just changed his name to this guy.
Hello KCRoo,
Little compares to the devastation people feel when they discover their spouse has been unfaithful. Couples often struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never ending arguments about the betrayal.
Healing from infidelity is achievable for both of you with the right support and tools.
I strongly urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting coach as soon as possible. There is much that can be done. Call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004
Cristy
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
When we got home I asked to see her phone, and she called me over and we went through her phone. No contact with the om, or more likely she is deleting them as we communicate.
I don't believe you will get the complete view that^^^^ way. If you say something about it nearly every day, she will be keen on deleting anything she doesn't intend for you to see. Can you look at her phone activity without her standing there leading you through the messages? I suggest you let it die for a few days.....as if you've forgotten about it, or think all is well. If you can wait for about a week, that's even better. Then, without alerting her.....check out her phone. Not that it would take her that long to contact OM, but she'll begin to think you aren't checking and she'll get sloppy.
Why does she continue to change passwords? As if she's going to lay that phone down long enough for someone to grab it! But, she's got to sleep sometime.
Quote:
The next morning she said she was doing that because she didn't trust me because of what I did (going through her phone). I told her that I didn't trust her because of what she is doing. She asked were we going to go through her phone everyday. I told her that she should want to earn my trust, she should offer that...she didn't respond.
You handled yourself pretty good! The WW will do everything she can to twist things around and make it as if you are the one who has betrayed her trust. I suggest that when she brings up this topic of not trusting you b/c of you going through her phone....you posture yourself in a tall upright position and look her dead in the eye and saying something like, "You have not been dishonored or betrayed, by me having inappropriate contacts with the opposite sex". Or you could say, "You really shouldn't throw around words without knowing the true definition". And then turn away and leave her presence. Some people may see those as fighting words, but I see them as truth darts. Just like saying, "We both know the truth about this situation". Don't get into an argument, just say it and walk away.
I couldn't begin to tell you how many threads I have read where the WW tells the H that she can't trust him b/c he invaded her privacy (meaning her phone). There should not be privacy in a M. Certainly no privacy to carry on an EA/PA. So, don't feel that you have to let her say all that trash without you responding in a confident manner. However, I caution you to pick your battles, b/c it's rare she lets the H have the last word.
Quote:
She got angry because the iron on was a little crooked, and she threw a temper tantrum. I told her (calmly) that she was the one that did it, and that she didn't get to take it out on me. She didn't really apologize, and just blamed it on her being OCD (not diagnosed by the way).
Again, good job on calling her out on her bad behavior! She is a grown woman. Having an excuse of OCD doesn't excuse her temper tantrums.
All she is currently giving you is excuses......like, why she tagged OM, and why she chose to stay up listening to music with a friend instead of going to bed with her H, etc. This ^^^ is not being transparent, btw. She's just trying to cover herself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
