Pam - I am sorry to hear about Jonah but he was lucky to have you to care for him during his illness. I know you did the best you could to make him as confortable as possible.
I am so sorry about Jonah. I know that you will miss him but he is with you in spirit and in your memories.
I suspect that he waited until you had left so that he could spare you that part of his death. YOu took care of him so well, that this was his way of taking care of you too.
I am glad that he passed on his own and you didn't have to put him down.
(We had to put our black lab down almost 2 years ago. I bought him for my H when he was 6 weeks old and he was almost 12 years old when he had to be put down. I don't think my H has recovered from that yet, and it may have compounded his situation.)
You were a great mom to him Pam and will continue to be to the rest of the kids. Give them extra hugs for me okay?
Have a peaceful Easter weekend. I'll keep you in my prayers.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Thank you all so much for stopping by and offering sympathy and understanding.
Sorry you know me, my brain thinks of strange things sometimes. J and I talked about our funerals one time and we didn't know if anyone would come. We made each other a promise that whichever one of us went first that no matter what the other one would be there for them.
Well, all of you coming by seems you came to Jonah's service to offer your sympathy, caring and friendship to me. Thank you very, very much.
CHL had called me during the day to respond to message I left on his work phone checking if he got the e-mail on stuff I'm missing for the taxes.
Then he called back about 30 minutes before I left work and he had found the stuff and indicated he would probably bring it over last night sometime.
When I found Jonah I called his cell phone and he answered. I was so glad. I told him that later. He was very shocked and sympathetic. I sat on phone and cried a bit. He then said I'll probably be over in a bit. That wasn't real definite and I wasn't sure he sounded like he wanted to come over.
I cleaned the kids yard again and put them in it. Then got my shovels and plastic. I had been working about an hour when CHL showed up. He had boots and a change of clothes with him so I know he was planning to help me. I really wasn't sure that he would.
I brought him in to see Jones. Then we finished up the grave together. He asked is this a good spot and looked towards the spot between Heather and Sean, then at the yard and said oh. That spot is saved for Breeze, that is if we are still here when that day comes.
He was joking about keeling over and I told him I couldn't dig the grave big enough for him so he better not! I shared with him that ever since I found Jonah, (another strange thought), a song that we always sang at church this time of year kept going through my head. I guess because it was Good Friday, but I kept having the verse He Arose, He Arose going through my head.
CHL said well if he does you better sell the place! I said why? He said well it would be haunted. I asked if didn't he always want to live in a haunted house. He said no. That sort of sounds like he was talking about the place as just mine. Like he is disassociating from it. I know an ASSumption and I didn't dwell on it.
He asked if I was ready to bring him out and I said yes, are you going to help me? He said yes. We walked over to his car and he took his boots off, then got in his trunk and pulled out a new fleece blanket and said will this work? I started crying and thanked him for being so thoughtful. He said I didn't know if you had a blanket or not. I didn't. I said I just couldn't go to the store and buy one.
I kept saying I hope he didn't suffer and CHL kept saying he didn't think he did. Not that either one of us knows or will know. But his mouth was open and I said I figured he was gasping for air. CHL said you are going to think I'm strange but when I looked at him I thought he was laughing! You know that goofy look he always got on his face when he was happy or in trouble and didn't realize it. Jonah was always a very happy go lucky guy. That isn't what I think, but it definitely gives me a better picture to hang onto.
I asked if he could cover him after we put him in the grave and he said I know get your A$$ out of here. I said I can help after you get him covered. I went back out and he was almost finished. He said as he didn't know what I had done on the sod I got to put the jigsaw puzzle back together.
He took the tools back to the barn while I was relaying the sod. Then we sprayed them off and the plastic. He kept spraying the water hose right close to where I was spreading the plastic out for him to spray.
He came in and we just talked, he talked about work and that he HAS to have the new system ready to go next weekend. He seems worried. Talked about how busy he is going to be at work this coming week and probably the one after it as well. This worries me because of no time to work on the settlement, but I didn't say anything.
Asked if he wanted pizza, we both decided weren't too hungry. I fed the kids and he had a peanut butter sandwich and some crackers. Talked about work some more, he shared quit a bit in a way. Maybe it is a safe feeling topic? I let him lead the convo so whatever topic he brought up I went with.
He said a few times I ought to be at work now. He finally said I really have to go are you all right? He said don't beat yourself up. I said I'm not. I tried, I didn't realize he was that far gone. I wouldn't have wanted him to have to live a long time with the difficulty breathing. I just wanted the time he had left to be good time. He said I know and you take good care of the kids.
He brought Turbo Tax over but didn't feel like installing it. Didn't bring his papers but wrote down the amounts. He is possibly coming back this weekend to install Turbo Tax. It is difficult to get on my system because drive C is full and it wants to use drive C for part of the installation process, at least last year it did.
I got a really nice hug or two and I saw moist eyes a time or two I'm sure, so this did bother him some.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thank you both. I'm not beating myself up over this one. I am trying to make it a point to be a bit more observant of the other dogs and I'm major into teeth cleaning now. Not that the teeth not being clean caused the malignacy I just know that it can cause problems and I have never been too good at scaling or brushing.
Got home from the grocery and there was a big spring bouquet sitting at the front door. I guess they delivered it yesterday while I was sleeping.
No card but it is for losing Jonah. CHL always sent J flowers when she lost a dog. I know he meant it to be nice, but it just slams home that in 2 weeks he won't be a part of my life anymore.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
