On the far shore

[Westo]

Sending some Welsh luck your way, and my best wishes.

[OwnIt]

You are going to rock this and being done with it is going to lighten your step. I hope to join you in the big closure in the near future.

[Sotto]

Hi Andrew, well I would like to say that I genuinely feel that you have come a very long way since joining the site - so, good for you.

In terms of that meeting, I can imagine how you must feel. The only thing I would aim for is to behave in a way that you will look back on in ten years time and think - yep, I was happy with myself there.....that's all...

[job]

Andrew,

You will do just fine. She's going to be feeling the same way about meeting you face to face as well.

Make sure you have all of your documentation in hand, as well as a list of anything else that you think needs to be addressed. It's best to write this stuff down because once you are there, your memory may go poof! because of all of the anxiety and being nervous.

Listen, keep telling yourself that she's just someone you once knew and now you need to wrap up this business deal that's gone south. She isn't the same woman that you fell in love w/many years ago, i.e., she is a stranger to you now...so be civil, smile and nod when necessary, and try to keep your emotions in check.

[bttrfly]

I know you've been preparing for a long time. Still - it's never easy. Never. {{{{{AndrewP}}}}}

Add in the anniversary and you have a fine mix of emotions you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

I wish you luck, but I also know that fortune favors the prepared mind.

Your mind is prepared, even if your heart is still trying to figure out how this happened.

You will get through this with your usual aplomb.

xo

[AndrewP]

Journal time.

Blech! Holiday here in much of Canada today. I'm doing some prep for S22's birthday next week going through 23 years of photos. So many smiles. So much love. WTF??? This combined with this coming Saturday being my second "anniversary" that she'll have been gone for plus the legal stuff coming up shortly is making me sad. I just need to power through.

I feel slightly guilty not selecting any pictures for the collage that include his mother but "It's my party". I have no idea what her plans might be for his birthday and must confess myself surprised that either she's not made any or perhaps S22 just isn't mentioning anything.

I think I've come to terms with the fact that this will always hurt but it's more the hurt of an old wound. I could perhaps try to purge her completely from my history as if she never existed but that's not the reality. She did exist. If on some future date someone looks back in all the old pictures that I have, they'll see smiles and Joy that used to exist but that are no more. There are no pictures of her around the house any more and haven't been since January. They were only up that long because I wanted S22 to not see me scrubbing his mother from my life when he was home for Christmas. Looking through the pictures was difficult as I'm sure everyone here can imagine.

S22 is still struggling a lot with depression. I didn't help things by giving him a list of goals such as getting his driver's license etc recently. Since like his mother he refuses to talk in person about difficult topics I emailed it to him. In it I also made a suggestion that he check with his mother about seeing if he could get a job with "her guy" who owns a small distribution company. S22 was really depressed after that but it might not be related to the letter or contents. We did have a good day yesterday when my 1 year-old nephew was here for the afternoon. Nothing like a toddler to both brighten your day and to utterly exhaust you.

On a positive note, my over-working imagination tells me that one of the clerks at the bank has been flirting with me. I go in just before closing (being boring and reliable) and she seems to always make sure that her window is open. She's divorced with two young boys and we'll usually chat for a few minutes about life and kids and stuff. Being as she has provided me with financial advice she is pretty familiar with my own situation.

[Coly23]

Hey AP, sorry it was a bit tough going through old photographs and also the upcoming second anniversary since stbx has been gone. All these things seem to come at us at once sometimes which can be very overwhelming.

What have you got planned to S22's birthday anyway? Interesting about the lady at the bank too. A little flirting didn't hurt anyone. Enjoy!!!

[AndrewP]

Thanks for the visit Coly! I was going to make a cake for him - I do a pretty good carrot cake but chose to get a chocolate cake from my friend at the bake-shop instead. I'll probably cook up a boring and reliable couple of steaks and veg. I'm hoping to get D25 on the phone to help sing happy-birthday to him.

He and a friend have the same birthday and they have no specific plans beyond "have a party" so I've suggested that they could hold it at our house. Not sure if they will or not - I'm flexible. We have lots of room so nobody has to drive if they have had too much to drink. I picked him up a year's subscription to watch American Football which is one of his interests. I already got the Chromecast that is a necessary bit of tech for him to watch on the TV with his buddies. Don't tell him about the present though OK?

[Coly23]

Both my favourite cake flavours carrot and chocolate!

I hope S22's birthday party doesn't turn into one of my D's house parties! She has been banned from having one of those for a very long time! Hell, freeze and over are the words that come to mind!!

My lips are sealed! I won't let on about the fab pressies you have for S22!!

Looking forward to hearing all about it!!

[Surv1ve]

I am just poking my nose in your thread, Andrew, and I want to read more when I have more time. But, I just wanted to say hi from O-town, ON and it's nice to see someone presumably not too far from me on the boards =).