Jeep you are owning the boards lately! Keep the posting up. I think I agree. A fight is healthy now and again. WW and I never fought and look where that got us. Keeping stuff bottled up is a terrible course to take.
Thanks, but I'm not sure about that. I will be honest and say that posting/helping is very therapeutic for me, even with me now being in the position I'm in. I learn something new every day, which is a great thing. I figure if I'm helping at least one, then that is one that is having an easier time than I did.
Good on all of yall! Each and every one of yall are my inspiration. I'm still fighting the fight, and I suspect always will in some form.
I agree, things never should be kept bottled up. Never.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Mature arguments are healthy. You get to vent, address and hopefully resolve a problem. Children witnessing a mature argument learn too. They learn how to have a mature argument and learn that you can disagree and still have a great loving relationship when the argument is over.
My in laws were just like your wife's grandparents. When they announced thry were getting divorced it rocked everyone. They were June and Ward Cleaver, how is this possible? Because they hid it. Nobody knew what was happening behind closed doors. Their children have issues because of it. Their D is now divorced and their S is on his way down that path too. They never taught their children conflict resolution snd look where it got the entire family.
Learn how to lovingly, respectfully argue with your other half. You will all be better for it.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
My in laws were just like your wife's grandparents. When they announced thry were getting divorced it rocked everyone. They were June and Ward Cleaver, how is this possible? Because they hid it. Nobody knew what was happening behind closed doors. Their children have issues because of it. Their D is now divorced and their S is on his way down that path too. They never taught their children conflict resolution snd look where it got the entire family.
You know, I never correlated the two before. My ex and her sister are now both divorced. Like yours, the ex's grandparents never showed them what was happening behind closed doors. I think maybe one reason was due to them rescuing the two from their terrible situation and taking them in to live in their house...I guess so they wouldn't see conflict and all. Maybe to shield them? Who knows. But they never taught them that important aspect in life. Just as you said, now look at where it got them. Even the ex's half brother and sister are divorced at least once. That ENTIRE family is a mess. And I fear it will seep into the children's lives.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
My in laws were just like your wife's grandparents. When they announced thry were getting divorced it rocked everyone. They were June and Ward Cleaver, how is this possible? Because they hid it. Nobody knew what was happening behind closed doors. Their children have issues because of it. Their D is now divorced and their S is on his way down that path too. They never taught their children conflict resolution snd look where it got the entire family.
Sadly, I'm afraid that this is what our D is going to do to our children. Everyone, including me and the children, thought W and I were happy together. I'm reading a book on D and children now that points out this risk...that when there is no apparent conflict, the kids can't understand it at all...
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Sadly, I'm afraid that this is what our D is going to do to our children. Everyone, including me and the children, thought W and I were happy together. I'm reading a book on D and children now that points out this risk...that when there is no apparent conflict, the kids can't understand it at all...
Gordie, I'm with you. My kids had NO CLUE it was coming. None. And my ex kept saying that they would be great and not have any problems. She is still living in her own little dream world and either dumb enough to not see or doesn't want to see. Either way, its damaging to the kids. Damage that I am trying to hard to ease.
Watch your wife carefully. Mine had this grand idea of using the time while she is living in the other state to sort of prep the kids, get them used to the idea of Dad and mom apart. However, that didn't work. And they hurt because of it. They are also starting to see things and I suspect that questions - real, truth seeking ones - will start soon. I told the ex from day one that I would answer honestly. And I will.
This whole thing is backfiring on her. Just a little proof - today there was in incident and my little girl told the school to call me so I could help her out. Didn't call the ex. What does that tell you?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
This just came to me. A divorced co-worker and I just had this conversation concerning kids and divorce. He told me some pretty frightening things.
Be very mindful of what the kids are saying about their mom, the time there, etc. Seems that parental alienation is hitting him hard. His ex is telling his kids things like he doesn't really want them, he's just a half dad, etc.
That kind of thing scares the bejeezus out of me. Ever since my ex told my son that he needed to spend more time with her than me, I have been very mindful of what they say. I will ask every once in a while, but not so much as to make them wonder. Just enough. It's sad to think that ex's more often than not will say even little things to the kids to sway them.
How does one undo that damage? I just make sure my kids know that I love them and am there for them. Hopefully that will be enough.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Argument is good in any marriage as long as it does not get out of hand. Now with the kids and D I have not heard anything good form that. Even with my kids being young adults they to are not taking it very well. There really in not age that someone will take it well. D represents failure. I have looked through statistics on D and they are quit alarming on how much problems it causes all the way around for everyone.
Love is a decision. Genuine love is honor put into action, regardless of the cost.
Me:43 W:41 M:21 SS:25 S:19 D:18 BD1:3/16 BD2:10/16 W moves out 10/2/16
D represents failure. I have looked through statistics on D and they are quit alarming on how much problems it causes all the way around for everyone.
The sad thing is, the ex's don't even consider the damage. It's all about them.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I agree with you. Mine is the same way. But that is the addictive state of mind. The thing is, is that over 70% of females regret getting a divorce down the road when the fog lifts and they realize that the grass is not greener on the other side.
Love is a decision. Genuine love is honor put into action, regardless of the cost.
Me:43 W:41 M:21 SS:25 S:19 D:18 BD1:3/16 BD2:10/16 W moves out 10/2/16
Hmmm, interesting thoughts...My W and I never fought either, I didn't really keep stuff bottled up, maybe she did? We got along so good and everything clicked from the beginning. All of our friends and families were shocked as well when they found out, they thought we were the perfect couple...blah blah...heck even my W said "I don't know why I am doing this, we never fight, have the perfect relationship and everyone loves you".
She didn't want to be "content"....chasing that stupid fairytale life that doesn't exist.
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
