Well, had an interesting text exchange, and I know I did poorly and honestly I am ok with that this time. I asked her can't she answer me on whether she WANTS me to go or not. It blew up from there, but essentially I got frustrated that she wouldn't answer the question and honestly I feel like I was talking to a teenager. It was kind of depressing actually. Seriously, an entitled teenager is how I would describe that conversation. Now I'm frustrated, I want her to feel some of what I feel!!!!!!!!!! It's just not fair.
watch OUT, 2X4'S COMING.....
Ok, not 2x4's, but a constructive way of looking at this.
You are asking a pressure loaded question where you are looking for a response that might convey something she isn't ready to convey right now.
She asked you to go. That should have been enough. Then it was on you to decide if you want to go, not on the terms her wanting you there. She bounced the ball to you asking if you wanted to go, and you bounced it right back at her asking her if she wanted you to go. That is a GAME.
You are both guilty there, I'm afraid. You threw your own fit when she wouldn't tell you if she wanted you to go. You were both acting like entitled teenagers. You felt entitled to an answer to that loaded question, and she felt entitled to not hving to give you answer.
but this does answer the question on whether you should go or not.
Like I said, you should go if you were going to enjoy some bowling and nothing more.
Sorry for the bad quote above:
She actually never asked me if I wanted to go. A few weeks ago she said she would go on 1/21. I said "oh, I would like to go...go bowling or something fun if you think that would be ok" She didn't agree or disagree. She only said "I'm sure my parents would be fine with that" (her parents don't even know we are separated or having issues...). Then this week she just says "Did you think about the trip; if you are going or not?"
So, I kind of invited myself a few weeks ago...she never really invited me.
All that being said, ia m not undermining your frustration. I think you are both frustrated. You've just got to drop pressure and pursuit and frustration. For you, if anything.
Regardless, be man up and make a decision and stop doing everything based upon what she wants. make some decisions on what would feel right for you.
Remember, she got cranky when you decided not to go?
So, first you invited yourself, then you uninvited yourself, then you asked her if she wanted you there. I can see where she might be frustrated.
Making decisions and standing by them shows your confidence.
You are leaving your decisions in HER hands.
PRESSURE!
Thanks for opening my eyes to a different way of seeing this. I saw it as me finding out if she actually wants me there with her. I mean I wouldn't want to go and make her miserable because she didn't want me there...regardless of "what I want". I want to be around people that want to be around me. I hate thinking about my nieces seeing her and asking where is Uncle Laowai...it breaks my heart. The overwhelming reality is that it may be this way from this point on for them
I want to be around people that want to be around me. I hate thinking about my nieces seeing her and asking where is Uncle Laowai...it breaks my heart. The overwhelming reality is that it may be this way from this point on for them frown
Be very careful in this way of thinking. I thought the same thing up until a few days ago. I won't reveal the incident for a bit, but what I thought was one of the people "who really wanted me around" turned out to be a snake in the grass, and a vicious one at that. In reality and at the end of the day, her family will choose her first and foremost. Keep that in mind.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I want to be around people that want to be around me. I hate thinking about my nieces seeing her and asking where is Uncle Laowai...it breaks my heart. The overwhelming reality is that it may be this way from this point on for them frown
Be very careful in this way of thinking. I thought the same thing up until a few days ago. I won't reveal the incident for a bit, but what I thought was one of the people "who really wanted me around" turned out to be a snake in the grass, and a vicious one at that. In reality and at the end of the day, her family will choose her first and foremost. Keep that in mind.
Ditto what Jeep said. Always bear in mind that blood is thicker than water...
Well, yesterday went about as terribly as possible. W came by to swap dogs again and while she was there gave one of the dogs a haircut. She noticed that I had bought a new TV for the bedroom and got angry because that was "yet another thing that she asked me to do for years, and then I do it after she leaves." Anyway, one thing led to another and I basically told her that I knew she was at OM's house almost every night. She of course was angry saying that I was stalking her ect...(for the record I haven't driven up to OM's house in months, but I did in the beginning). It was pretty much silent after that because she was so angry. She actually said "when did you become the victim in this?!?!" indicating that she is the real victim...She also told me that her best friend (me) had died in all of this, and that I am now a person she wouldn't tell anything to. That one hurts!
When she went to leave with the dog, she came up to give me a hug and she started to cry; not an extreme uncontrollable cry but defintely crying...I absolutely lost it. I turned into a sobbing mess. Dear god, will I ever do anything right? I just set myself back to the beginning basically I assume.
She actually said "when did you become the victim in this?!?!" indicating that she is the real victim...She
I love how they spin it to remove their own guilt. Funny/sad thing is, they believe it, too.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I do not see anything terribly FUBARRED there. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and mozy on. I see it more truth darts than anything and it really gives you an insight into MLCers brain. Crazy and mixed up.
Revert beck to Sandi's rules. Do not trust anything they say...
If there ever was a time to say M*F'ing this, this is it.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
