So H came home late from work tonight. I was working on a project with D at the table. He sat down and threw refinance papers at me and said can you afford that? And proceeded to discuss money for after we divorce. I was pleasant even though I was dying inside. I left the house for a little while but I'm having a really difficult time pulling myself back together.
He did that in front of your daughter? Wow.
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Really thought about it. He's discussed this with his family. Even if he ever thought, maybe this is a mistake, I don't think he'd do anything about it. He wouldn't want anyone to think he was wrong. His parents and sister both divorced in the past year and have all moved on to other people. His mother thinks he's seeing this and thinking the grass is greener.
Of course he has. The decision to go down that road wasn't made yesterday - it was a while coming.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I could understand if i treated him badly, but that just wasn't the case. I'm not trying to take anything from him, just equal shares of responsibility.
In the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to keep him in my life. I'm trying but either I'm doing it wrong or it just isn't enough. Maybe I haven't given it enough time but he seems to be flying fast with getting the heck outta dodge, so I don't think I have much time left.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
n the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to keep him in my life. I'm trying but either I'm doing it wrong or it just isn't enough. Maybe I haven't given it enough time but he seems to be flying fast with getting the heck outta dodge, so I don't think I have much time left.
Unfortunately, you can't - that decision isn't up to you. He is on his own road, which only has room for him. Use this time wisely to take care of yourself. Not trying to be a downer, but the storm clouds are still gathering. Get some shelter.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
That's very true, Cadet. One of my favorite sayings as a teenager, but putting it into practice hurts.
Somebody mentioned earlier the possibility of codependency. Finally read up on that and I'd say that is definitely me. Now to find a way to break that mold
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
Somebody mentioned earlier the possibility of codependency. Finally read up on that and I'd say that is definitely me. Now to find a way to break that mold
Join the club.
Most posters here are codependent, conflict avoiding, enablers.
It is a life long struggle to change. First identifying the problem is good.
Most posters here are codependent, conflict avoiding, enablers.
I will agree to an extent. It's normal to go down that path when things like this happen and our world is turned upside down, even if we weren't codependent in the first place.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
It's great that you refused to talk to him when he is angry. Keep that up. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.
It seems both you and your H are very upset and volatile (especially he). That's how it was for me when the whole thing first blew up. I think things will settle and calm down a bit.
I hope you'll take a broad, wholistic view at yourself and the marriage. Your marriage has been unhealthy for a very long time, it sounds like. So it's not going to get better overnight. Like they say, this isn't a sprint. It's a marathon.
Funny that you say he's a weight lifter but he hates people looking for attention. Weight lifting seems inherently ... well, it's about looking a certain way, no?
Do you think he's having a midlife crisis?
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Forgump, thamk you and it is entirely possible its MLC. Also possible that he is bipolar.
I took the be happy and treat him like a cashier to heart. Took my D shopping last night and then laughed and joked with the kids while he hid in the bedroom. He actually initiated a few normal conversations both last night and this morning with no comment about D. He even told me he was going to a friend's house tonight but wouldn't be gone long. This is new. He hasn't been telling me where he's going or talking about anything other than D for weeks.
Now, I don't think this was a miracle, but it was definitely a positive step. That's how I want to see it anyway
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
