Leap of faith

[Sotto]

Hi Rouky - put down the phone, step away and no-one gets hurt!!

I think in his messages to you he is trying to reinforce to himself - I'm a good dad. In truth, the stuff he does has a ring of 'Disney Dad' to it - and all of that is up to him. What is up to you is your reaction/response. And if you send what you'd like to send is that the person you want to be in this break up? Be responsible for your own part and let him be responsible for his.

I would say you have two positive choices here - 1) Don't respond and go happily about your day - 2) respond with something reasonably positive - Okay, have fun :-) - or similar..

I don't think the problem is his actions/choices as such - but your degree of attachment to them...in many ways you are doing really well and have made much progress, but this is maybe an area to look at....

Now step away from that phone my lovely!! Xx

[job]

I agree w/Sotto...don't text or call him. What he's trying to do is convince himself and others that even though you are separated, he's still being a good dad, or should I say, he's practicing being a Disney Dad. He really doesn't need to tell you what he's doing w/the children because they'll tell you themselves when they get home. It's all about appearances and reactions. He wants to get a reaction out of you.

If he mentions it again, say thanks for the update and leave it be. It's not necessary to respond to messages such as this.

[peacetoday]

Yup
I agree for Job and Sotto
If he texts I would reply-
I would not call-
text back-A simple Thanks -have fun-or great! thats it-or nothing but nothing still shows your anger towards him

They do and will feel the consequences especially and more so when we take the high road
When we are kind,,they will give more..this is for your kids
Disney dad is the best many of these guys can do
remember he is in a Crises and it is real

[Rouky]

Thank you very much for all your good advice. I just texted back thanking him for letting me know.

Sotto I think you are spot on on having to work on my reactions when I get updates from him. I'm jealous that he does all those things now when he is showing that he could clearly have done them when we were together. Also it also an issue about how I feel about myself as I take it as I have failed to bring the best out of him when we were together but OW seems to be able to do it. I see it as a failure from my part as a wife! Really need to work on this.

Thank you Peacetoday I know you are right that it's a good thing that he does engage more with the kids. I'm not ready yet to see him physically as I know it will upset me, H knows me very well and how to trigger me. So I want to get to a level where I can face him and not show anything. Until then I'll stay dark but will make the effort to go to the door if we need to converse.

Thank you Job for your advice they are always wise hence I'm glad I post here first before I did anything stupid.

Note for self NEVER EVER again let a weekend with kids with no plans as I guess that is what sent me over the edge. In the end went out to a soft play and met another mum there. Had a great time. Now feeling much better.

[shotgun]

You are awesome Rouky! Glad you feel better in the end. This is survival and you fought through every emotion this weekend. Keep forging ahead and keep living for Rouky

[Rouky]

Just journaling. My youngest slightly upset me this morning by blaming me for not letting their dad know about a dress up day at school. She added that her dad told her that it was my fault. So I stayed calm (a 180 for me) and showed both of them when I got the message, when I forwarded to their dad and what was his response and carried on with my daily routine.

Then at the end of the day I went to pick up the kids from their after school club and got asked for ex details because he hadn't paid. I got told by the manager that last week he turned up with the kids without having booked them in. He had the cheek to tell the manager that he thought I had booked them. As it was his week as far I was concerned it was his job to look after them, and everything that goes with having kids. Clearly he is still expecting me to arrange things for the kids while they are in his care. Nope! He has fired me as his wife so I'm not helping him in any form or shape when it comes to the kids during his care. I can see that he is still find things to blame me for. I guess it's a sign that he will never take any responsibility for anything and that he has some anger towards me (ie the blaming game). Gosh that must be so uncomfortable for him to feel anger towards his ex and his wife. OW has gained a hell of a prize.

Other than that back to myself, had a brilliant day and didn't think of ex apart from this morning and this afternoon. Feeling good.

[JujuB]

The emotional ups and downs are so difficult rouky. I struggle too. I don't want to physically see my ex either.

I am happy for whatever influences my ex to take some interest in my son, but only because I know it benefits my son in some way...regardless of exes motive. At least the kids will have a good memory to look back on.

Children know though. And they will know even more when they are adults. You are a great mom that was there for them, when times were difficult. They will be able to verbalize that when they are older and have more life experiences. And probably show it already in their own little ways.

Life is filled with easy times and difficult times. Your ex seems to leave when times are difficult. Eventually things will get difficult with ex and OW and then it will be OWs turn to complain about things being unfair. By that time you will be in complete peace because you are doing so much to become more positive.

Glad yesterday was a better day for you.

[peacetoday]

Hi R

The MLCer is a terrible parent for the most part

I totally get that you dont want to help him-

The only thing I would be concerned about are the kids
as long as they are well in his care then great
I think many a MLCer has a bad memory and may not know or remember what to do-

The OW do get a great prize!
Water seeks it own level

[Rouky]

I'm not very familiar with the expression water seeks its own level. What does it mean peacetoday?

Thank you very much for stopping by JuJub and peacetoday. My IC made the same comment about the fact that I should be happy that ex is involved with kids but she pointed out for how long? She made me realised ex has been really looking after kids for the last 6 months (since we both have our own house each), so it is still new/ fun to him. She also said that old habit does hard, and i can see it. I got introduced to SD two months after I moved in with him, he introduced kids to OW two months after having his own place!

To be honest even if it's hard I'm working on cleaning my side of the street, so I can be healthy again. It looks like H hasn't learnt or refused to learn from his two failed relationships!

The session with IC was very upsetting but I felt so much lighter after it. I was keeping everything in and it had to go out!

On the goal front I'm looking into booking a holidays for me and the kids that isn't going back home, so I'm excited about that. I am also considering going part-time with my job. I love it, unfortunately i have only been back for a week and I'm hardly sleeping well. I know it will be a scary step if I take it but I'm talking about my mental health as well as it would allow me to spend more time with my kids and not to rush them so I can do some work in the evening. So this is something that I'm going to explore. I never ever wanted to go part-time but the last two years have taught me that there is more to life than my job!

[peacetoday]

R

Hi
It means they are at he same level
he is in MLC..he is having an emotional breakdown
she is also sick or in need of a person in crises
they are similar both having issues..they attract each other

I like what you said:
Im working on cleaning my side of the street
That is where is at!

Peace