cheesyt 5 - now what?

[cheesyt]

Had a rough day. Dreamt of wife, most likely because she texted last night. About a bill. I did something different and replied, just in case this was an excuse to talk to me then she had the opening, she didn't. I was kind and told her thank you for keeping track of my bill. Nothing crazy. Then I had that dream and then some bad dreams and it like always threw me off. Got to work, annoyed with a co worker and it's month end, i think I've mentioned in finance it's a busy few days. And I made a few mistakes it just wasn't a great day. And then I got a text that the information on my cell plan had been changed...not sure what my w is up to but I don't want to ask. And I can't log on to check Cus I don't have my log in information.

I'm just having a day. Where I question my life, how I got here, why I'm here. How do I get past this. What can I do? Why if I'm generally happy with my life then why do I still feel empty and why I miss my wife and daughter and old life so much? Am I just being ungreateful? Are they truly missing from my life? Am I just letting my emotions get the best of me? How can I shake this? Why do I even have these days? When will I feel okay again? When will I stop missing my w? Does my w have these emotionally charged days? Does she miss me like I miss her? I just feel like she's so far again...actually like never before. My w is so far and there's not a thing I can do or say to bring her closer.

-another off day in the books.

[bsb]

I'm sorry you are having a rough few days. This isn't a easy process. I'm asking myself the very same questions over and over. It will get better with time. You may be like me and hate that statement but it has to be true

Hang in there

[cheesyt]

One year of hard work to reverse a lifetime of bad habits? seems worth it.
Just read that quote somewhere and I think we can all find this useful. We work on ourselves and though it's a hard difficult trying year, it's been so worth it. That's how I feel some days. Especially after looking back at this year I have so much to be thankful for. My 1year post DB seems like it's coming quicker than I originally thought. I can't say I would change the way this year has been. As bad as it was, I needed this. Maybe that's what's worse, I'm well aware I'm such a better person now. I just wish w would be back with this awesome person typing this. I know 2017 is going to be so great. I don't know in what way or anything but I'm pretty exited for what's to come. I know we will all have a better 2017. Going through this and still being here alive and breathing is quite an accomplishment. One day at a time folks!

Woohoo!

[fightin]

One year of hard work to reverse a lifetime of bad habits? seems worth it.
Just read that quote somewhere and I think we can all find this useful.

Definitely a good quote and reminder of toward. Thanks for sharing!

I just wish w would be back with this awesome person typing this. I know 2017 is going to be so great. I don't know in what way or anything but I'm pretty exited for what's to come. I know we will all have a better 2017. Going through this and still being here alive and breathing is quite an accomplishment. One day at a time folks!

I absolutely love your positive attitude! Keep up the good work cheesyt. Hopefully your W will come around, but if not then you're already a better person for someone else. Happy New Year!

[cheesyt]

My W’s birthday is tomorrow.
Stuck in a difficult place I guess I could say. Though I feel really great, I can’t help but to wonder should I call, text, or take it as any other day and say nothing? I wish I knew the correct thing to do. In the sense of, I only want to do something if it’s helpful, I obviously have no intention on making things worse. This birthday has got me anxious. I can’t help but to recall the past 6 birthday’s I’ve spent with her. Can’t help but to hope this birthday is not all she wanted or as good as they were with me.

I’ve also been wondering and asking myself If I’m holding myself back? I am not entirely sure how I would be doing this or why the question but it’s there.

Nothing more to update, just been gali-ng with co-workers, my roommate and taking it easy.
One thing I am proud of was I had a very lonely weekend, nothing much to do, roommate was gone for the weekend so it was just me. I was looking forward to it. I felt pretty content having me time. I can recall 1-6 months in, I was scared of having “down” or “alone” time. Something to remember and point out for myself.

-I know I’m moving in a good direction.

[fightin]

Hey cheesyt! Sorry you're feeling stuck in a difficult place. Once again, I don't know what the right answer for you is, just know that you have to do whatever is going to put yourself first.

That is great that you're to a point where you can appreciate the alone time! That is huge progress!

[bsb]

Hard to say on the birthday. I contacted my wife back in November for hers and it blew up in my face. If I could do it all over again I would have done a simple hb text and nothing else.

Glad you had a good weekend!

[NYGal]

I'd just text something like... "Happy birthday, thinking of you." But I'm a sap. Then go dark again.

[Cristy]

My W’s birthday is tomorrow.
Stuck in a difficult place I guess I could say. Though I feel really great, I can’t help but to wonder should I call, text, or take it as any other day and say nothing? I wish I knew the correct thing to do. In the sense of, I only want to do something if it’s helpful, I obviously have no intention on making things worse. This birthday has got me anxious. I can’t help but to recall the past 6 birthday’s I’ve spent with her. Can’t help but to hope this birthday is not all she wanted or as good as they were with me.

I’ve also been wondering and asking myself If I’m holding myself back? I am not entirely sure how I would be doing this or why the question but it’s there.

Nothing more to update, just been gali-ng with co-workers, my roommate and taking it easy.
One thing I am proud of was I had a very lonely weekend, nothing much to do, roommate was gone for the weekend so it was just me. I was looking forward to it. I felt pretty content having me time. I can recall 1-6 months in, I was scared of having “down” or “alone” time. Something to remember and point out for myself.

-I know I’m moving in a good direction.

Hi Cheesyt,

Hmmmm, the birthday question is a good one.

You're working with a DB Coach, right?

It would be a good idea to have this conversation with your DB Coach so that you get the best feedback for your specific situation.

Please call me at 303-444-7004 and we can look at the schedule.

Regards,
Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[lt0402]

Cheesyt, I almost imagine your W watching her phone all day for the birthday text from you. Cristy has a good point about talking to your DB coach about it, but I think it's a pretty powerful message being sent if you don't send her that text. If she believes she has you as plan B and does not get that affirmation from you texting her, it may rattle her a bit. It also reinforces your going dark. If you do send the text, at least wait until the end of the day to make her sweat a bit though! .

I know this is a stressful decision. What would make you happy? Would texting your W make you happy? Would you only be doing it because of fear of losing her due to not texting her on her bday? Can you just send that one msg and not get into a conversation with her? Just some stuff to think about.

Don't sweat it to much though. One decision neither makes or breaks this thing. You are doing well and being strong. Keep down that path and it'll all be good!