Walked away due to financial infidelity

[Origina]

I do agree we have trust and communication issues.

So last night was a night away. He's had his kids and slept at his rental.


He text again mentioning the custard joke.
So we rallied quite a few texts back and forth about sex and what we'd like to do
I stopped after a few cos it was just getting filthy and I couldn't see and end to those types of texts
I broke my own rule and sent him a im going to try to sleep now text and I'm not pestering I'm just checking you're ok
His reply was a bit too diplomatic for my liking
I replied saying I didn't mean it like that and I wish we'd just talked about custard
So that set a few jokey texts flying back and forth
Then we stopped
And then half hour later he sent me a picture of him nude in the bath
(I don't do nude photos)
So a few more texts about sex got sent - playful and fun
I ended it although I didn't want to after he sent a text saying I'm going to book a hotel so we can do our extra rude sex in there
Be put- ok then night x
And I sent a photo of a favourite seaside resort- no text
He named it
I said yep
Then sent a photo of a hotel we want to try
He said he's going to bookbit and surprise me



I don't know whether I should allow these texts back and forth when he's not with me?

[Origina]

In all this I forgot to mention. Tues he found out about the credit card and he went into that automatically cancelling a day trip away mode. His couldn't sell the tickets we have to the first person he tried and said he's not going on a booze day like he did last time and doesn't want to go unless it's with me

So tomorrow we're still going on a day trip all day- train, food, tickets to an event and alchohol plusbwill sleep at mine

[Origina]

Also he's fetching his kids to mine tonight so all tthe kids can see each other and have a 'sleepover'

We'll all be sleeping and he'll be in bed with me

I don't have to have sex with with him.

If I said I didn't want to have sex or feel like it he wouldn't touch me

But if he thinks I'm playing hard to get he will try a bit

Before xmas we still had sex but it was less and less intimate- no forepaly

So I'm not falling into that trap if he starts acting like that I'm stopping the sex too


The couple of weeks over xmas after I'd kicked him out and he chased me and thought about restarting our relationship - nothing was guaranteed. The idd fee nughha were arranged but some nights weren't and especially the nights I was alone (my kids at their dads) he made every excus duo possible to get to see me and come round

[Origina]

I think what I'm confused about

From what I've read on this forum, some of you lovely people are going through some terrible stuff and I 'felt' my relationship was totally done November/ beginning of Dec
I went a did a 180 and I kicked him out mid Dec
He then did his own partial 180 and chased me
We were close to arranging a let's get back together plan when he found out about the credit card
He's not done what he did after the Loan and distanced himself from me
He's said - right we're definitely done now unless I get a knock on the head
But he's also spent a night and morning telling me he loves me and showing caring loving actions
I've backed up what I've said and arranged the repayment sof the loan and card
He's still got his rental house
He's still wanting to spend time with me

My biggest question right now...
Is he just finding it hard to let go Or is this time he's using to make his mind up?

In fact thurs night he was crying and I said I feel so bad I've done this to you. Do you need me to make the move away to help you leave me? And he said no he didn't want that.


Is he using me for company? He actually brought this up and made sure I knew it wasn't like that
Using me for sex? He's brought that up too because he says he doesn't want me to feel used. He says he knows we could both go and find someone inappropriately to have sex with but he doesn't want that
He says we shouldn't feel like we do about each other, not just sex, the touching and wanting to be close- he says it feels so natural and he wants it

I'm a bit scared about how to approach tonight.
He coming round there's no secret about the kids will play together and we've text about sex that much we'll want and have sex

[Origina]

I've just reread my posts.

Sex is such a big thing in them but we've always had amazing sex.


Over he Christmas period where he chased me he said he wanted to be close to see how he felt about me (not just sexuallly) to Keep our connection

Now he's said we have to split up - but he still says he feels connected

If we spend time apart or minds do play overtime with us and it can create bad feelings

So do continue seeing him a lot? I make him negotiate some times so it doesn't feel like this all his decision to come

Do I stop sex?

[Origina]

He's just sent me a text to say he's busy on call at work this aft (I knew he would be) and that he was picking something up to do with our texting joke but he'll phone later - hope I slept well

[Cadet]

I (F 39) committed financial infidelity in April last year against my partner (m, 36)
I took Out a loan and a credit card and spent it all on rubbish mostly.
I paid for him to attend a foreign sporting event (flights hotel etc) which was the biggest purchase.

I think the two of you have an awful lot to learn about marriage and relationships.
I am still not buying the loan thing as according to what you wrote above you spent the money on HIM!
So why is he mad that he got to go do something and YOU paid for it?

I think that you need to slow down and stop looking for an immediate FIX to all of this.
Whatever the issues are they did not happen by one thing and are not going to be solved by one thing.

Marriage is a 50/50 thing.
SO if both of you are not committed to this marriage for the full amount of your 50% it is not going to work.

Normally we tell people to STOP having relationship talks.

What does your partner really want?

I am not sure whatever he says I would believe anyways as his actions do not seem to match his words.

Again I would urge you to read DB/DR and reset everything you know to zero.
Start with a beginners mind, because in a marriage you both really are beginners or even less than that.
I might say incompetent!(and that is said with love)

Keep reading, learning and posting.

[SM34]

This story is super confusing. Who is leaving who?

You spend a bunch of money on him. He has no issue with that

Then he finds out you borrowed the money, and explodes. Where did he think you got the money from? Don't you share finances? Aren't you honest with each other enough to at least know who has how much money?

He then says he has to leave you. Rents a house and moves out.

Leaves HIS kids with you? Then takes his kids stuff to move to new house.

Initiates lots of sex with you and acts loving etc...

Discovers credit card then goes off the rails..

YOU then kick HIM out..

Now he seems to be pursuing you?

My head hurts =)

[MrBond]

So are you saying that you had an affair with each other while you were married to other people?

[MrBond]

Still here?