4 of the 5 boys are in school. Academically 3 are doing well. S8 struggles and the school has been great in getting help for him. XW still does not have a job and will not pay for tutoring.
S6 and S7 struggle with their behavior at school. S4 was just kicked out of daycare for behavior issues.
The school district has helped in getting a child psychiatrist involved to help S5 and S7.
Of the 5 boys, all will end up on medication of some sort to help. Although it is not my preference, I hope this will help them. XW has agreed to this which is surprising to me.
XW has now learned to call within the window of time agreed to in the judgement. She also continues to speak to me with criticism as if she has a say on what goes on in our daily lives. I just end up politely hanging up most of the time.
She continues to only see the boys once a month. Last fall she saw them only once the weekend before Halloween. Since I have the boys every US Thanksgiving she did not visit them in November or December. She was supposed to have them for 2 weeks this past Christmas break and she said she wanted to be fair so she took them the first week of January. She stated she wanted them from December 23rd through December 29 or 30th, when I said that it would be better if she took them the second week, she agreed and said she would take them from January 1st through the 7th. I brought up that she hasn’t spent a NYE with them in 2 years and her response was I would not let her.
She continues to choose not to work. She is still seeing the same man and goes out and enjoys her life, continues to take vacations, etc while contributing the minimum required for the kids. When I bring up issues and we communicate through the court appointed app her responses continue to be blaming and negative.
I usually ignore and do not respond to those comments.
The boys and I are in a good place, are things perfect, no, but we smile and laugh a lot and I enjoy watching them each develop their own personalities.
The most recent psychiatrist that is working with the boys is very good. I look forward to working with him more to help the boys and myself be the best we can.
The only thing I feel sad about is that I had an amazing person come into my life a year ago and lost an R with a person who the boys were getting attached to. This past year I was in a very dark place and lost perspective of what i truly wanted. I don’t know why I continue to only learn after I lose someone in my life. If it wasn’t for this person I think I would still be in a dark place. I don’t like that I pushed away a person that did everything they could to be kind and supportive to me and my boys. I truly did not want her to be the rebound person.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Good to hear from you. I just told a newcomer about you. He has three adopted kids. Marina 7 is his name, if you see this post he would probably like to hear from you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I ma glad you are doing well and those boys are lucky to have you and vice versa. You sound so much stronger.
As far as that person...... people come into our lives always with a purpose. It may have been to teach you something, it may have been exactly what you needed at that moment in time...... and if it really is meant to be, you will find your way back to eachother.
Great to hear from you. I will find Marina 7 and see how I can help.
Ginger you are right! She is a beautiful person. I will elaborate more later but as always, if you truly love someone then set them free, let them be happy. Being in an R or M is a choice and we all deserve to be with a person who chooses to be with each one of us.
Funny how life works, this child psychiatrist that the school district found for the boys is amazing. Our last conversation has brought up a lot of feelings that are not necessarily negative but have me thinking about what “I” want to do and need to do for the boys. Of course there are many different ways to handle this. The frustrating part is making the choice.
Jokingly I said, Dr. you are going to tell me to move to Toronto. He said yes, but you don’t have to. Our session ended but I am going back because I am making great progress. He thinks he could have helped save my M if he had known about us 2 to 3 years ago. He had a video session with xW also. We both told the doc the same story. In the end he said what everyone else said, he is sad to see this happen because it is fixable.
He is also happy he is working with me. He thinks I am the more stable one and will coach me on how to best help the boys and balance the co-parenting with xW. He hasn’t read the DB book, but he is solution focused. I know I will need support from him to accept what my reality is and minimize the drama from her. He thinks we have a 25% chance that we will get back together. He cautioned though for me not to have any expectations and to live life and not do anything drastic like give up the boys if I do move there so more to come!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
So the boys are visiting their mom this weekend. I drive them to TO as I am spending the weekend here for work. We exchange at the hotel we are staying at. She does not have car seats in her van. I was surprised and asked where they were as she always talks about safety for the kids. She states that they are at her parent’s house. I stated she knew that she was picking the boys up and could not understand why she did not have car seats for them.
She started to spew because I did not have the padding on the seats I had. Needless to say, I gave her booster seats for the little ones. The exchange was a disaster.
I have been talking to a great psychiatrist and he has helped me a lot. He and I both wish she would speak to him more because the one time he spoke with her he got her to think about things and how she treats me.
I also called tonight at the allotted time to speak to the kids and she did not pick up. Unreal!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I hope everyone is staying warm. We received 8 inches of snow here!
S8 and S6 are now on medication to help them with their ADHD. Poor guys are tired at certain times of the day. It has helped them focus and listen to adults more. Mis-behaving has decreased at school for them.
XW is upset that 4 of the 5 boys are on meds now. She feels that I did not consider other alternatives. Last week we had a 4 hour conversation, it started with discussing the kids and then rolled into talking about the past. I stood my ground and in the end when I hung up the phone, I felt no guilt or remorse on what I said.
Her contact with the boys is still inconsistent. I am also trying to be more flexible on when she calls. She had not called in 4 days and yesterday she calls at 7:30 pm which is a half an hour after the time agreed in the judgement.
As time has gone on, I think more about how tough the kids are. They totally understand what is going on. S8 said he prefers to stay here instead of moving closer to mom. He said he has cousins and family here. There is not a whole lot of family near mom. His preference is for her to move closer to us.
Psychiatrist is trying to get me in a mindset to move there. He says it will be better for the boys. How do I let go of my ego and execute? When I think about it being better for the boys because they will get to see her more, there are times I am confident with going through with it.
I also think that I overthink things. I think about what xW says or what she will say and I let it get in my head. My initial reaction is it is all talk and lies about her becoming more involved. I don’t even know why I worry about it. I should just focus on knowing I did something good for the boys.
Oh! And one last thing, I keep seeing the silly video of the divorced man on FB and how he has 2 boys and his goal of how to teach them how to be a caring man by doing things for their mother. I feel 99.99% of the D’d population would think that post is not real. Thoughts on this?
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
