Well, I have to keep things PG here because I don't need the ban hammer!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Naw, man. The ex always called her Miss October. Had to do with the time frame of things.
Doodler, do yourself a favor and look up adult Harley Quinn costumes. You're welcome.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
My kids were almost grown when ex left (youngest was 17) so I didn't have to deal with what you do, but I will agree with you that the kids don't need to meet your dates for a LONG time. Minimum 6 months, and better yet, not until you're sure she's the ONE.
I did start dating soon after my ex left, but it had been ten long years of fighting for the marriage before that and DBing my butt off, so when he finally left and filed I was truly DONE. However, I didn't even introduce my kids to any of my dates except my live-in son briefly met the last one before my current guy, and that was almost 4 years after the split. I've been with current guy for 3 1/2 years and all my kids have met and like him; but he didn't come along until long after the split.
My ex, on the other hand, was dating right away and introduced the kids to her; they broke up after a few months and then he started dating a girl 18 years younger. My kids definitely struggled with this in the beginning, especially as she was closer to my oldest son's age than my ex's age. I could tell they were uncomfortable with it, just in the "I'm not ready to see my parent as a sexual being with someone who is not my mom" way. Fortunately, she has been nice to my kids, they are married now, at least there hasn't been a lot of drama and revolving door girlfriends on his side.
With little kids, the problem is they can get attached to the women you date, and then when you break up it is another loss for them. So I agree with being very very careful with who you introduce them to, and no matter how great the gal is, wait at least 6-12 months before the introduction, until you're pretty sure this has staying power.
BTW, I had good luck with OK Cupid. I found their screening/compatibility tools worked well for me - almost everyone I met was a reasonable match, although of course not everyone had chemistry. Don't look at online dating as a place to begin a relationship online; just a screening tool to get to a coffee "date", which is no more than like meeting and talking briefly to someone at a party. The coffee date is the chance to see if you're interested in asking someone out on a real date. Be wary of getting to involved with someone online before you meet in real life- some people sound great on paper but when you meet it's quickly apparent there's just no pheromones there.
Also, if someone won't meet you for a coffee date early on, the chances are you're being catfished or they aren't serious about dating.
Meet-up groups have also been good for people who need to establish more friends to do things with and can be a good place to meet like-minded people.
I agree with your sentiments on bringing people to meet the kids. I'm not sure about there ever being another "one" as my ex pretty much destroyed my trust. But I'll date again, just not sure when.
I might look into OK Cupid and the like. The thing is, I don't have a lot of time as I pretty much have full custody (she sees them every other weekend only), so maybe for now that's a good thing. I like your coffeedate statement. Don't worry, I'm about as wary as they come.
Oh, just exactly what does the term catfish mean?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
The kids thing is interesting. There really are more loops in it than waiting a set amount of time or until you are fully committed.
I waited 4 months, and it did end and it was sad for the kids and me.
However, I would hate to get too serious of a point and find out the kids can't stand eachother or there is friction between the new partner and the kids. We were lucky in that the kids loved eachother and we both had great affection for each other's kids. But if the kids didn't like each other, there would probably be no future for us as a couple.
That being said, I only introduced my D to one guy..... but in the future, I would not put a time frame on it, and it doesn't have to be super serious. But I will not willy nilly bring everyone around her I date. Which, given my track record of introducing one guy in 9 years, I'm pretty careful.
Which, given my track record of introducing one guy in 9 years, I'm pretty careful.
I would say that's being a little careful.
Honestly, I don't think I'll introduce anyone to them. My life centers around them, now. I'm not saying I won't date anyone...maybe the first few will just be a no-strings dinner or whatever.
It's not like I have trouble getting dates, its just that the interest level really isn't there yet.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Shouldn't date if you aren't interested. No need to do it if you don't want it.
My life centers around my daughter, as anyone will tell you on here. But I still date and want a relationship. ANd well, my life will still center around her. The right guy will be cool with that.
My life centers around my daughter, as anyone will tell you on here. But I still date and want a relationship. ANd well, my life will still center around her. The right guy will be cool with that.
True. It will come, in time. Funny thing, it seems like my kids are magnets. I think I've gotten more offers than ever before. Haha. One day.
Oh, and Ginger, I took your advice about Harley Quinn. As I said earlier in this thread, I let her know that I wasn't ready yet for that yet...I didn't quite put it as you did about her just coming for a "ride," but it was along those lines.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Catfish means when someone presents themselves as someone online that they are not. (Using someone else's photo, or a picture of themselves from 20 years ago, pretending to live near you when they're hundreds of miles away, pretending to be a woman when they're a man, etc.) Which is a good reason to move to the coffee date fairly quickly if someone seems interesting - it will weed out the catfishers quickly.
