(((((((hugs)))) I know its not the real thing but it is meaningful!!! We all support you and are here to listen and understand what you are going though. I have been feeling like you...maybe its because of the holidays?? I am happy and so much to be thankful for but then something happens to throw us off, but as others have said here that is ok, we have to go through the process....ugh.
Hang in there!!! ((((hugs)))
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Holidays are awful for us. And probably not much better for them, either. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other one and breathe. That's all you can do. It will get better. Make plans with friends. GAL. Buy a new outfit and feel beautiful. Make plans to go to the Women's March on Washington on January 21st...
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Cheesyt, I wholeheartedly see you moving forward. Your posts highlight how you are through the relationship you've built with your roommate, her bf, and her kids, and the new and old friends that so obviously care about you.
I think feeling stuck and incomplete is going to be a feeling we all share, so long as we choose to stay in our situations. Without our Ws choosing to come back and work on our Ms I think that incompleteness doesn't go away. Until that occurs, we can only get finality/completeness by choosing to close the door on our Ms.
We all say at the beginning of our situations that we are choosing to fight for our Ms. I'm starting to think that is only a half truth though. At the start of this I think we did choose to fight, but I think that choice was guided by some degree of fear. I know I was probably a prisoner of the fear of the unknown at the start of mine. I think you were similar when you first got here.
Now, though, I no longer see your choice being driven by that fear. I see you making that choice because it's what you want, not what you need. I see a strong person taking a very difficult stand in the face of extremely trying circumstances. Anyone would falter at times in the face of such adversity. It's completely normal to cycle through the sadness around your W. We all do. But just bc you are sad doesn't mean you're not moving forward. I do see you moving through fairly well right now!
One thing my IC told me that may help is to imagine their are two points of view of you situation. One is an "on the ground view" and the other is a "30 thousand foot view". Almost like google maps where you can go from looking at the United States to looking at the street view. Imagine your day to day is the street view. You are driving and driving but it doesn't feel like you're getting anywhere from the street view. However if you pop back out to the 30 thousand foot view you can see that while it felt like you weren't going anywhere, you did in fact progress on your journey, however little it may be. The key is to remember to pop back out to that 30 thousand foot view every now and then to remind yourself you are progressing. Hope that makes sense...
Regardless, we are always here for you. It's ok to feel down, just don't let it take control away from you. You have a lot of awesome stuff going on right now for you cheesyt! I know you're strong and are moving forward. Massive hugs coming your way from over here!!!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Hi Cheesyt, I'm so sorry you feel as though you're stuck, but like Lt said, I think that is normal. In fact, I really like all that Lt had to say, you said it beautifully Lt! He's right though, you've made progress, even when it doesn't feel like it.
You are amazingly strong, and your love for your W and your patience and endurance are quite admirable.
Virtual hugs {{{{{cheesty}}}}}
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
W never asked and I didn't ask about dinner. I will not be attending. I don't see a need. (other than to show the new cheesy2.0) But with as emotional and up and down I've been I'm not sure this is a good idea for me. I need to look out for me and It will most likely just make me upset. I gotta continue making decisions for me and about me, instead of decisions for W and D, or about them. I must continue moving forward with my life and I believe going to the dinner will only set me back, or keep me where I currently am. (which I'm not crazy about)
My IC believes W was just temp checking me with the meltdown when I picked up my things. And that Because I'm still there she backed off. which obviously makes sense and as we know from being here happens often. IC also thinks I need to quit telling myself I'm back to square one because I'm really not. And that recovering from this "relapse" should be much easier and take less time than when the initial BD happened. Can't say I don't agree. IC also pointed out that the emotional support I received from W can be filled with my other relationships, and I must not let my brain trick me into thinking that can only be fulfilled by a significant other or my W.
I have a very busy two/ three weeks coming up. I fly home tomorrow morning for my niece's birthday party, then I fly back for the week of work then fly back home for Xmas. all while I am staying until Jan 5th with the original family / friends I went to Europe with over the summer. My roommate's parents are coming from Europe and my "room" is their only guest room. Of course, I offered to move out for the 3 or so weeks. it'll be nice to have a change for a bit. as I was telling my IC, I've settled into a nice little routine with my new home and "family"
really excited to spend time with the fam over Xmas. It's the first time cheesyt2.0 will be around with them all. I'm in a much better place than ever. (usually I argue or "fight" with a family member, yes its always me and someone else) so it'll be nice to have all 20ish of us there and be able to control my temper and just enjoy things.
I know I'll have a few more "bad" or "sad" days in the next weeks or so but I know and i'll try to remind myself that I've been down this road before and I made it out. I will get through this again.
Thank you all' it's nice to hear some encouraging words. Quick update as I wait for my flight home for the work week. I had a blast. Didn't think too much of W. As this is the second time I visit family without W. New normal. W did cross my mind, as more of the family knows we are separated. I told my college aged cousin of the news. He was surprised but didn't pry. He simply asked the question most of my family asks "are you moving back?" No. just because my relationship did not work doesn't mean I run "home". I'm a very capable adult that lives my own life. To my surprise W called me last night. We had no actually contact for two weeks. I was out with the family and didn't notice for a little bit after. No voice mail and no text. It must have not been important. I didn't call her back or asked her what she needed. I'm ready to go home and knock out this work week and come back with family. I had a lot of one on one time with my sister and my niece. Overall an exceptional visit. Oh one thing I did notice is my new laid back attitude and just enjoying things. It did make my sister less stressed I am starting to believe more and more that if you (i) change for the better then it brings out a change in the people around you.
So wonderful to hear, cheesyt! I'm glad you were able to enjoy your time with your family, that is so important. Good work on not calling back or texting. You are doing so great with this, even in your darker times you are making great progress. Very proud of you and keep it up.
Enjoy your next trip as well, and happy Monday to you too!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
