Your wife is feeling "things she didn't know she could feel anymore," and, like Jeep said, you can't reason someone out of that state of mind. Their brain is on drugs (the euphoria of infatuation, a.k.a. limerence).
You can do a lot to show that you are a fun, exciting partner -- but you can't compete on the same level as the 22 year old employee. I think she has to decide for herself that you can't have a satisfying long-term relationship if you're just chasing intoxicating infatuations. She might realize that tomorrow, she might realize it three years from now, after her obsession with infatuation brings hollow disappointments.
I guess my point is ... you wrote, "Be the life of the party." Well, don't be a phony. Change, but be true to yourself. You can't be subservient to your W's midlife crisis.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I like the way you are acting now. If you had done this earlier on the first part of my journey, we wouldn't be getting a D. If the changes are real, you will support me post-D in the second part of my journey and our relationship will be better than it ever was in the past. I love you. I want you to keep loving me.
Yep, she's setting you up for cake eating.
It's nonsense, rewriting history.
The wayward always has a choice in tackling their M.
W, this isn't going to happen, this happy ever after dream of yours. You are either my W or not. That would be my response.
You could try Really? Dream on, ain't happening.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I agree, but I'd add that she's not doing it in a calculating, rational way. She is delusional. Her brain is intoxicated from her infatuation with the 22 year old. At the right time (when? I don't know) I would make it clear to her that if the marriage were to end, you are not going to keep loving her like a wife, and that you will want to move on with your life.
About whether the 22 year old feller knows -- I bet you a dollar he knows your wife is infatuated with him to some degree, and he is trying to subtly let her know, and let you know, he's really not interested.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I think he wants to show how close to his gf he is, and be very public about it.
There is only one way to find out isn't there?
I'm not sure, but I think the gf thing is being flaunted to throw him - or anyone else- off the scent. She knows that the Gordie knows, so as when any time an affair is confronted without solid proof, they go underground. Hence the camouflage.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
About whether the 22 year old feller knows -- I bet you a dollar he knows your wife is infatuated with him to some degree, and he is trying to subtly let her know, and let you know, he's really not interested.
Wow, that thought never dawned on me.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Yes it is possible to be friends after D. I have colleagues and family members who have exes as friends. It isn't for me, an ex is an ex for a reason, but then I don't have children.
Actually that question is for the future and how can you commit now to how you feel some time forward.
I think no answer to this is possible, it's like do I look fat in this dress. No it's like in five years time will I look fat in this dress.
In my opinion too many variables.
So my thinking is to throw it back, "Why have you asked me this?"
Otherwise silence it's an R question.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
At the right time (when? I don't know) I would make it clear to her that if the marriage were to end, you are not going to keep loving her like a wife, and that you will want to move on with your life.
You are right and I need to think about what I would say and how and when. We have the kids so we are going to be in each other's lives every day for a long time. I haven't given enough thought to what our post-D relationship will be. We do want to be good parents no matter what.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I think he wants to show how close to his gf he is, and be very public about it.
There is only one way to find out isn't there?
I'm not sure, but I think the gf thing is being flaunted to throw him - or anyone else- off the scent. She knows that the Gordie knows, so as when any time an affair is confronted without solid proof, they go underground. Hence the camouflage.
What's your evidence for this?
There doesn't seem to be any evidence that the 22-year-old POM has any interest in Gordie's wife.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
