Heartbroken and confused

[Gordie]

Rose,

Your advice is a treasure. I cannot thank you enough for opening my eyes and hitting me over the head.

1. I have and IC with whom I can talk about these issues IRL.

2. Yes, the change in religious beliefs has caused tensions. When she discusses them, I have learned not to comment or question, but to be curious. Yes, there is tension in the air when they are discussed.

3. Re: getting in shape and starting her business. Her complaints are that I wasn't a cheerleader for her and that in both instances I cared more about what all of this meant for our relationship and me than just being happy for her. I was anxious and concerned that she wanted to change her whole life and I should have been her biggest supporter. This is one of my biggest regrets and I have tried to do a 180 on this point, being much more enthusiastic, curious and actively involved in her day to day business (she has welcomed and appreciated this change).

4. Yes, I need to do more 180s and change/try new things. I am trying to figure out ways to surprise my wife (new haircut which she didn't like, have re engaged in some of my long lost artistic interests), but honestly haven't been too successful thus far. I need to try harder on this front. I am a regular gym guy who is in good shape and I still dress well (W still appreciates this about me, but she might like it if I was flashier, maybe I'll try that).

5. Yes, sex life needs to be refreshed and improved.

6. Re not confronting directly, should I acknowledge how I have failed on these issues and apologize? I think she would appreciate that.

7. The main issue from five years ago is that I was afraid of change. I didn't embrace it. I saw it as a rejection of the life we had built. I was happy with the status quo and she wanted change. Oh, how I wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently, but I can only change me now and in the future.

Rose--thank you!

[Gordie]

Jeep,

You are so right. I can't talk this out. Yes, I need to demonstrate I am a safer, changed person--not tell her. Thank you.

[Gordie]

180s of the mind:

Embrace change; reject the fear of change and the unknown

Be open to new totally new, unorthodox experiences, ideas, different ways of thinking and doing things

Be confident and optimistic; reject angst and pessimism (even in the face of D)

Be the life of the party

[Gordie]

Feedback from W (summary):

I like the way you are acting now. If you had done this earlier on the first part of my journey, we wouldn't be getting a D. If the changes are real, you will support me post-D in the second part of my journey and our relationship will be better than it ever was in the past. I love you. I want you to keep loving me.

[doodler]

Feedback from W (summary):

I like the way you are acting now. If you had done this earlier on the first part of my journey, we wouldn't be getting a D. If the changes are real, you will support me post-D in the second part of my journey and our relationship will be better than it ever was in the past. I love you. I want you to keep loving me.

Yep, she's setting you up for cake eating.

[Gordie]

I bumped into the POM at the gym this morning (we live in a small town)

POM: Are you and W coming to the gym Christmas party?
Me: I don't know. I'll talk to W.
POM: You guys should come! I'll be there with GF.

So does POM know or not?

[Dawgs]

So does POM know or not?

Yes.

[Gordie]

Really? I thought this was progress.

[Gordie]

Why do you think he knows?

[Vanilla]

Yes but not the seriousness.

I think he wants to show how close to his gf he is, and be very public about it.

There is only one way to find out isn't there?

V