To Confront or Not?

[LiM]

Honestly, I would remove her phone from your account. You are basically paying for her to be able to contact OM. If she wants to contact OM, make her do it on her own dime. I'd cancel her phone from your account.

[Chris73]

Took back the MBR last night. I had been giving the couch a try for a few nights. (Frankly it's more fun on the couch with access to the TV, computer and video games!) But I've been reading more of Sandi's posts and I know that I have to assert my dominance. Plus, the couch is kind of like a punishment right? So why should I sleep there. She's the cheater/liar, not me. And I know that being detached means that I don't kick her out of the bed. If she wants to sleep elsewhere, that's her choice. Last night she was already asleep when I came to bed and didn't leave. We'all see what happens tonight...

[Dawgs]

Took back the MBR last night. I had been giving the couch a try for a few nights. (Frankly it's more fun on the couch with access to the TV, computer and video games!) But I've been reading more of Sandi's posts and I know that I have to assert my dominance. Plus, the couch is kind of like a punishment right? So why should I sleep there. She's the cheater/liar, not me. And I know that being detached means that I don't kick her out of the bed. If she wants to sleep elsewhere, that's her choice. Last night she was already asleep when I came to bed and didn't leave. We'all see what happens tonight...

Good for you. She left the marital bed when she chose to leave the marriage. Mine left the bed not long after BD. You did the right thing, my friend.

[Dawgs]

Yeah, joint account.

Was the account opened after the marriage or was it either yours or hers before the marriage? I'm not sure, but I don't think you can force her off of your account if it was created after. You can suggest but if she says no, then until assets are divided in court I don't think there is a lot you can do, unless you hand it all over to her and open up your own. Others may know more, though.

[BillyHo]

Nice job going back to the MBR Chris. There is no way you should be sleeping on the couch. Sooner or later she will probably be uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed with you. She will most likely head for the couch or look at other options. My W took over my S7 bedroom and made him share with S10. W would get so mad at them when they would yell at her "you should be sleeping with dad." Unfortunately even you kids telling you like it is can't penetrate the fog they are in.

[LiM]

If we are talking about the cell phone account, you can get a form from the carrier for "change of financial responsibility." If she won't remove the phone and put it on her own, new account, then I would just turn the phone off. I would NOT be paying for the device and service she is using to contact OM.
Have you opened your own, new bank account? If not, you should and start putting your money there. I would separate finances and tell her she has to pay her half on her own.

[Dawgs]

Have you opened your own, new bank account? If not, you should and start putting your money there

While I like these ideas, the money he puts into there is still considered marital property. As long as he tells her he is doing it, its all good - that can keep her from cleaning the joint account out. However, if he does it without her knowledge and moves money from the current account into a private one, that could look bad even if it isn't.

My ex "hid" money in an account that she wasn't aware I was still part of (I was added on as co-owner after we got married. I talked to my lawyer and he said as long as my name is on the account I can use it...so I did for food and gas when I was laid off from my job as she wasn't contributing anything towards the kids)...since I was co-owner, I set up the alerts for deposits/withdrawals/everything - she had no idea because it was on my side. So, I found out she was hiding money. My lawyer loved that.

[Dawgs]

Allow me to add on - ANY money he puts in that account will be divided in the divorce.

[Chris73]

Thanks all. I kinda do like the idea of separating our cell services. Most of her WW activities are conducted there. Plus she uses it for business so technically it should be separate from our family account. I will ponder this.

[LiM]

While everything is considered joint property until a D is final, I wouldn't think there would be any issue with starting to put your own paycheck in a separate account and I wouldn't have any problem with taking half of anything that is in a joint account. As long as you don't take more than 50%, there shouldn't be any issue long term. Of course, you should get the advice of a lawyer. When I consulted with an attorney (after discovering the A but before filing for D), I was told that I should open a new account and I did just that.