That is my fear. It is amazing how similar so many of these situations are. Thank you for shining honesty into my darkness.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
That is my fear. It is amazing how similar so many of these situations are. Thank you for shining honesty into my darkness.
You know, we did the same date nights and all. Went out and all that jazz. I thought we were doing good...she was having fun, and all that. But that's just it - she viewed it as friends and not trying to further the relationship, or at least that's what I gathered, anything. But then again, she was sleeping with the OM at the same time. I was duped, big time.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Is it possible to be friends after divorce? She is asking me that. I don't know how to respond.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Is it possible to be friends after divorce? She is asking me that. I don't know how to respond.
That's the hardest question of all. Eventually, maybe. Mine asked the same thing. And that's all she wants...if you read into my thread, you'd know her background in relationships - I think she is better suited for friends than anything else.
The question is one that only you can answer. For me, knowing all that she did (and she did some bad, bad things) and the lies, and yet the love I have for her, my answer is no. At least not now. I tolerate her and talk - and we ONLY talk about the kids, when necessary. I have no desire to be buds, and I told her that. The rest resides on her shoulders.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
[quote]But that's just it - she viewed it as friends and not trying to further the relationship, or at least that's what I gathered, anything. But then again, she was sleeping with the OM at the same time. I was duped, big time.
How do I know if dates and conversations are improving our relationship or if she views it as just friends? In my case, I am still sleeping with W and OM is still sleeping with his GF. And as you know, I don't know how OM feels about W.
Jeep--thank you for listening and replying!
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
4. I didn't initiate sex well...now I am letting her initiate
Is there a typo there? Seems like you didn't 180 on that one?
For what it's worth, I think your general tack is good, to keep doing all the positive things in your marriage.
You do have to think about what your boundaries are for her negative behaviors. For example, you are OK with her fantasizing about the 22 year old employee. But what if she acts upon it? Then are you OK with that? If not, then how will you react? What will be your consequence?
I also think that while you keep doing the positive things, you have to gently but firmly make it clear to her, that once you divorce all of that is going to go away: your emotional and physical relationship with her, financial support, shared time with kids, etc.
Your wife is in her mid-40's. It's a prime time for a mid-life crisis.
Other than the 180's, you didn't talk about what you're doing to examine yourself and become a more attractive partner....
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
How do I know if dates and conversations are improving our relationship or if she views it as just friends? In my case, I am still sleeping with W and OM is still sleeping with his GF. And as you know, I don't know how OM feels about W.
You don't. And now it isn't - know why? Because she is hung up on him. Sorry to be blunt, but that's what it is. As long as that is still happening, she won't have room for you.
You are most welcome, my friend!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
You do have to think about what your boundaries are for her negative behaviors. For example, you are OK with her fantasizing about the 22 year old employee. But what if she acts upon it? Then are you OK with that? If not, then how will you react? What will be your consequence?
I also think that while you keep doing the positive things, you have to gently but firmly make it clear to her, that once you divorce all of that is going to go away: your emotional and physical relationship with her, financial support, shared time with kids, etc.
Your wife is in her mid-40's. It's a prime time for a mid-life crisis.
Other than the 180's, you didn't talk about what you're doing to examine yourself and become a more attractive partner....
Jeep,
You are on point...I haven't figured these things out. I need to think hard about them.
Re sex: I wasn't clear. In our relationship, I was almost always the one to initiate sex and there are some bad feelings about that. My experimental 180 was to find out if I stop all initiation and, lo and behold, she now initiates and it is much more mutually satisfying.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I am assuming you are in the UK with that handle. If not just say V I am not UK.
I spotted your query on another thread.
Do not leave the MBR oR the MH. It will be tough to recover from that.
If WW is as she clearly is wayward then she should leave to pursue her dream of her OM. Cut her loose to pursue her dream of OM and reality will bite in due course.
Clearly she sees comfy cosy and warm cuddly life, protected by you. Hanging on to everything she has.
No, no, no WW, either you are my W or you aren't! Is my thinking.
Teenage style behaviour is inappropriate in front of your family and friends. Plus WW is setting herself up for a sexual harassment suit which could destroy her business. This is very serious stuff indeed.
I think you need L advice on this urgently, particularly if WW is going to blow up her business. Really this is urgent, plus sexual harassment can involve a criminal record plus losing a professional membership (such as medical, legal, accounting, nursing etc)
Incidentally I think this is likely a POM, a potential. Doesn't stop your WW being wayward, it her mindset that makes it so not whether reciprocation takes place.
I think there could be some serious potential issues in this.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
