I am also going to check out the Divorce Remedy from the public library today. Not sure if that will help since my W has expressed no feelings for me. She also expressed she didnt think she would ever trust me or be physical with me again.
I have the book and while it is full of great advice, it didn't work in my case for reasons explained elsewhere.
This whole thing of trusting and being physical with you thing is screaming OM to me. Is she referring to when you dated? Seems like she is trying to use it to justify her affair, to me. Something isn't right about that and it just seems like the typical guilt/justification thing. I may be wrong, though.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I dont know how to take the not trusting or physical issue either. That came out of the blue. We were physical up until i confronted her about the texting, which was almost 4 months ago. Maybe a few little pecks since then, nothing in a while now.
She has brought up my infidelity while we were dating throughout our years of marriage so that isnt a shocker. But now she makes that issue and my lying about it up as the root cause for her depression. Which in turn has changed the way she feels about me. She is tapering off A/D now which seems to be making her depressed again. She is doing it in hopes of regaining emotions, because she doesnt feel any right now.
We pray it will shed light on our marriage and our futures.
No expert here, but I think you should read all of it. It's good to have a perspective from the other person's point of view, even if it's painful. For example, my W cheated. Obviously, my initial reactions were anger, resentment, fear, desperation, etc. But after all of that wore off (a little, it hasn't really worn off all the way) I read a couple books about infidelity where the author addresses both parties separately in the beginning of the book. I think you really have to understand what the other person is going through before you can determine how to react.
M46 W48 M11 T14 S11 D8 BD: 2016/05/27 In-home separation: 2016/11/23 Nesting: 2017/06/11 W moves out: 2018/01/07 W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12 I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Obviously, my initial reactions were anger, resentment, fear, desperation, etc. But after all of that wore off (a little, it hasn't really worn off all the way)
Mine, too. I'm afraid it will never totally wear off, my friend. There is no way to un-forget what was seen, heard, or read. No way.
I struggle with that, deeply. I have always said a PA was the break all rule and end of it, but in this case I have forgiven her. But I will never forget everything. That's a curse of the human mind, it's all stored and WILL come back at the right (or wrong) moment.
And that's a big obstacle on trust. Those things come back and always rear their head which leads to thoughts of can you ever really trust?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
All the stuff I have seen and know are a constant reminder of what people are capable of. But the way I see if, I am gonna have trust issues with her or someon new. Only difference, my W has to regain and win my trust. A new person will have to prove new trust.
I told her again that if she left or separated I was done with our marriage and I would not be able to start over as my emotions have been exhaustin me. Inam ready to be happy. I like who I am now, I want to share my love. She told me last night she was scared if she left that she would miss me and that she may want to come back. I told her I was sorry, I support whatever her decision is, but once we have split we are done. Is thatbwrong?? That's truly how I feel. It's been 6 months of agony for me and we currently live under the same roof.
Sandi said that when she was in her EA, she imagined that she'd have the OM and her husband would remain in her life as a friend. She said that when her husband told her that he wasn't going to be her friend if they divorced, she began to understand the implications divorce.
So what happened with sandi? My W told me today she wanted to go back to our marriage counselor. I told her I would. Which maybe its progress. Baby steps. Just ready for some progress. Next week she will cut another pill out her regimens. So time will tell. I am not expecting much though.
