First off, I am glad to have found this forum. My wife and I have been married for 9 years. I am 35 and she is 34 now. We have 2 boys ages 1 and 8. We started dating when she was just a teenager and I was 20. I was still a little wild, going out and drinking and stuff. I have a one night stand while we were dating and never told her about it. I lied about it because I did not want to hurt her and wanted to marry my wife. Some years after we were married, after our first child, I came clean. she cornered me about it and I admitted it. it was damaging for her. She suffered postpartum depression after my first child and get better. We then had a second child, planned. She suffered PPD again after our 2nd child but this time was way worse. She was hospitalized and new medications were prescribed for depression and anxiety. just 8 months later, she was going out, being social and met 2 guys at a bar. She exchanged numbers with one of them and they began to have inappropriate conversations. No clue if it ever progressed, but I was clueless until I stumbled across these unknown numbers in our cell bill. When I confronted her I thought things we ok, until she got very mad. she said I was not giving her privacy. She began talking to another guy from the bar via text who is 10 years younger than her and single. I began doing bad things, like checking her phone for messages, email, and facebook. She was messaging him on facebook and other ways. she said they were just friends. I dont believe in having friends that are that new of the opposite sex. While I do not know for sure if she has been unfaithful, I do know we have not had sex since before I approached her about the guys. I admit, I have been a bit angry and upset and may have said some things that were hurtful, but i had no clue my wife was talking to these people. She has been on antidepressants and anxiety meds. Celexa, Wellbutrin, and at one time seraquel. We had a good few weeks last month but that was ruined by me seeing texts on her phone by the second guy, telling her if she was stressed out to "Rub one out". I flipped out. Nobody should talk to my wife like that. So those few good weeks were ruined. So now, she is trying to wean herself off of meds under dr's supervision. She has told me recently she didnt think she could ever be physical with me or trust me. I told her if that was the case she needed to leave me, and I walked away from her just to give myself space. She texted me back and asked that i be patient and let her wean herself off the meds and she didnt feel herself. I have told her I am all about forgiveness, but that doesnt make anything wash away. I love her dearly, but will not compete for my wifes attention or affection. I will not do separation or divorce and return to marriage with her. If it cant be worked out now while I am eager I dont want to put myself through all these emotions again.
Anyone else experience wives on medications acting out? We had a pretty good marriage before or i thought we did. She has gone as far as to tell me at times she faked it and then came back to say she didnt. She told me she lost feelings for me when she got out the hospital a year ago. She has very little emotions but shows anger. She said she has no feeling for me or anything really. we have done individual counselling along with couples counselling.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
by me seeing texts on her phone by the second guy, telling her if she was stressed out to "Rub one out".
Wow. Just wow. You have a lot more to worry about than worrying if meds are causing this. I'd be willing to bet that is at an EA, but a PA much more likely.
My ex was on FOUR different meds. It isn't the meds that cause such behavior - they can't create what is already there.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
hmmm... I would read on this forum as much as possible, as soon as possible, so you will have less regrets, so to speak, on what you do and say...
I would be prepared to learn she has had an affair... Emotional or physical.... both are not good to learn about...so be prepared so you can remain calm. And postpone any decisions you are making in your head.... you can decide on separation or divorce or ultimatums at any time in the future. (These thoughts and actions will be hard to do on day one and for some on day 100)
I think it is ok to compete for your wife. You do not own her...even if you are married. You can be sad that she does not love you 100% like she used to... Maybe she loves you 60%.... and that feels unfair (I know from personal experience) But I recommend to first try to do what you will read here. Be patient calm and expect bad things to happen--try to act like a person you would be proud to be when you look back on this 30 years from now.
This stuff is painful, awful, ugly and unfair.
But do the actions outlined an the forum. Do what works--not what you think you should do.....which will most likely be the opposite--- I think you focus on winning your wife back first and then decide later if you want to be married for ever. Win her back first and then decide (that probably does not sound good to everyone)
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
Oh and do not be upset about the rub one out stuff.... or focused on the person texting... this is all your W's doing....your W opens the door for people to talk this way to her...this is not about the other person... only about your W and your R.
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
ok to compete for your wife. You do not own her...even if you are married
With all due respect, that's an odd statement, sir. One should never have to compete for their spouse. Never. That's giving a green light.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
thanks for all the responses. It has just been upsetting that my W could let someone intervene in our relationship, just no dignity. This is all from a girl that had a ton of that. I have already pretty much prepared myself to think she has had a PA, and I know it has been emotional. Anytime you cannot quit a relationship with someone of the opposite sex I consider it an affair. Not talking about family or long term friends, i refer to people you just met.
I have been suspecting PA, but she would never own up to that. She won't even agree that she has had EA. Crazy thing is, this kid is not even her type. Yes kid, he was 8 years old when we first met. So he is a boy to me period. I feel like he thinks he can do whatever he wants at this point.
I can see that came out wrong... My intent is to say, commit to the ideas shared on this forum (180, detaching, etc), commit and execute. If yo do these things well, you are competing for your wife. If you let your ego get in the way, it will be tough to execute on the ideas... My intent is to not say -- I will not compete
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
